Nothing I Hold On To

• Even in moments of peace and assurance where we feel our closest to God, we can still be facing a mountain in our life. 

• 
  

• That adversity or trial seems to stretch on before us for miles and miles with no end in sight, and it just gets harder and harder. Our muscles quake from the climb, our feet might have blisters from walking, our arms and legs are covered with blood that has oozed out as we have scraped our hands and knees along the way. The terrain has been tough, and you've considered turning around several times. You started off on this noble quest towards a greatness you thought you were being called to, but now you're so tired that you can barely remember where you're going or why you began this journey to begin with. You hurt. You feel alone. You don't understand. 

• 
  

• And yet, our God is still there. He is giving us an unprecedented strength that comes from the Holy Spirit within us that provides a peace with which nothing else can compare. In our weakness we are made stronger. So while it hurts, while it requires sacrifice, while it requires pushing ourselves and challenging ourselves in ways that we never thought possible... we climb these mountains in life with arms outstretched towards the heavens praising God for who He is. We reach out to God so that He can draw nearer to us as we draw closer to Him. Our hands are outstretched because we know without a doubt that He will meet us where we are and help us make it the rest of the way. He will wrap his hand protectively around our own fingers that are dwarfed by His vast presence and He will lead the way. Together we will climb higher and higher until we have reached the top of the mountain.

• 
  

  

• 
  

• "I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven. I give it all to you God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me. I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold onto."

Like

Lopsided Lemons and Lots of Grace

One of the great benefits of a tech-savvy generation is the abundant access that we have to other people's embarrassing stories. Pinterest fails are one of my particular favorites...

I've had my own fair shares of Pinterest fails over the years. I remember once in high school a friend came over and we found a pizza casserole recipe that called for egg noodles and a few other kind of strange ingredients that formed a big, burned, pile of pepperoni mush. Banana facial masks, & egg and avocado hair masks that made my skin and hair greasier than a cookie sheet covered in PAM. I've done paper mache' creatures that look like the extras on The Walking Dead. Out of the dozens upon dozens of Pinterest-inspired things that I've tried I would say that maybe three of them have worked out well.

A few years ago I made Teddy Grahams in a Brownie Bubble Bath...identical, right?

RIP teddys...

This semester I'm taking a class called Planning and Facilitating Infant and Toddler Development and our first project was to create a developmentally appropriate toy that we could incorporate into a lesson plan for infants or toddlers. I've had such a GREAT track record with Pinterest before, so guess where I started looking for ideas first?

Not. My brightest moment.

I found this precious little DIY vegetable garden that I immediately knew I wanted to tackle. "How hard can sewing be???" 

Mind you, I've sewn ONE thing in my entire life. I took a Family and Consumer Science course in 10th grade and we had to make a pair of pajama pants. I spent WEEKS in class on that stupid pair of pants, and I'm pretty sure I made a C- or a D. Below an 75 on a Home Economics project ya'll. Sewing is not my thing at all. 

But, I just knew that I would create these perfect little vegetables and I went around for about a week and told everyone how excited I was to tackle my next project. I wanted to make a good impression on my professor. I wanted to present something that I worked hard on, I wanted to learn a new skill, I wanted to make the best stinking vegetable garden the world has ever seen! Doug and Melissa would be calling me in a few weeks asking if the company could patent my product! (Ok, I didn't think that last part, but I was feeling pretty good about myself before I actually started this thing...)

Expectation: 2-2 1/2 hours of work and my finished product will look like this...

Reality: 6 hours total, seams on the outside, stuffing busting at the edges, a lopsided lemon, potatoes that look like human feces, and some pretty stinking cute little strawberries. I didn't make those though, my mother took pity on my soul and decided to stitch a couple of things together while we watched HGTV. (At least I looked the part...)

Expectations versus Reality.

I'll tell you something that God has been beating into my brain lately is that our expectations of how things are supposed to go but how they actually unfold are two COMPLETELY different things.

Sometimes we expect a certain outcome. When I was a little girl I said I would have a mansion, a husband, a limousine, a chocolate fountain, and a pony named Patricia by the time I was twenty. Sorry to break it to you six year old Melissa but that did not happen and it will most certainly not be happening any time soon. When I started college in 2013 I expected to be teaching in a classroom on my own the summer after my 22nd birthday, but I can tell you now that I've still got an entire year left of school in addition to this semester. I expect my commute to take about 25 minutes and to be full of sunshine and rainbows, but the reality is that I live in Memphis where people drive with their toes or with their heads on backwards. I haven't quite figured out the issue in regards to that epidemic yet...

Oftentimes what we paint as an ideal picture in our head is just a scribble that's a part of the perfect canvas that God has already painted. We expect that our little scribble will be hung proudly in the middle of a French art gallery, but the reality is that our artwork is being hung up by clothespins on a strong in the kiddie section of McDonalds. 

Our inaccurate expectations don't only apply to tangible outcomes, but they apply to our spiritual walks with God as well:

If you can think back to the moment where you accepted Christ as the lord and Savior of your life can you remember how excited you were? Do you remember telling your friends and your family about this amazing decision you just made? Do you remember being on absolute fire for the Lord? I know I can. And I remember talking with older Christians who seemed to have it all together and I remember thinking "Wow. I can't wait until I have a quiet time every day." or "I can't wait until I can pray like he can one day" or "She's so mature/wise...I can't wait to be just like her one day." and I've always been a little jealous on some level of the christians who just have it. And so I think I had these expectations that one day spiritual maturity and wisdom would just fall down from the sky and I would magically be this super christian who never had any problems and just pranced around being able to serve everyone in the world with no reservations because my life would be perfect like the other christians in my life.

Expectation: Perfection! Prosperity! Happiness! Ultra Peace!

Reality: Failures. Anxiety. Depression.  Loneliness. Bitterness. Frustration. Sin nature...Qualities of a normal, healthy, imperfect human being in need of God's Grace. And I need that grace just as much today and tomorrow as I did on that day in 2009 when I asked Christ into my heart. 

It's a lot like the world of Pinterest. We build our expectations around these ideal images, we put all of our expectations of our own product based on the outcome of someone else's, but we lack the basic skills that we need to make our projects successful. (Exhibit A: See lopsided lemon or one of my poo-poo potatoes) And then we get mad when our expectations don't match the reality of what we got ourselves into. 

Also, as christians, I think we expect that God is going to allow us to be comfortable. We think that life is hard enough as it is, so surely He won't do much to challenge us and force us to grow. He won't make us change up our routines. He won't make us do anything that makes us mad so long as we're good. NOPE. Take it from the girl going through boocoodles of changes and discomfort in life right now: God cares about spreading His name and joy on behalf of His heavenly kingdom for His glory and He needs to use us more than He needs us to be comfortable. 

I'll leave off with this thought too...

Aren't you thankful for those pictures of the fails? Aren't you glad that someone told you the snowman cookie cake is going to look like the Star Wars Space Slug unless you do steps XY&Z? Aren't you glad that some silly girl gave you a glimpse into the world of a novice sewer so you know how to plan your next project? (Pro Tip: Just go buy some play food from Toys R Us...DIY is not worth it.) Aren't you glad that you have seen what happens when you shrink Elsa's head down to a softball and give her the body of John Cena?

Ok...maybe not that last one...I kind of wish I could unsee that myself.

Take that into consideration! You can learn from your own mistakes obviously, but when you are open and share those mistakes with other people- think about how much they might be able to learn from you! That means that we have to stop living these perfect, church-y, christian-y lives on the internet and start being real and transparent with people. It's the most unnatural thing in the world to just be open and honest with someone you don't know very well, but it's also one of the most freeing things you can do for yourself. And maybe even for that other person!

Here's to embracing our realities this week! May we be blessed in waiting for God to reveal His perfect plans to us

Along Came Aaron...and Other Thoughts about Exodus

"But Moses pleaded with the Lord, 'O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue tied- and my words get tangled.' then the Lord said to Moses, 'Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say. But Moses again pleaded, 'Lord, please! Send anyone else.' Then the Lord became angry with Moses. 'All right,' He said. 'What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? ... I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do..." Exodus 4:10-15 

If I can relate to anybody right now, it would 100% be Moses. 

God calls him to do something completely out of his comfort zone, and Moses pretty much says "umm are you nuts? You want ME to go and speak in front of Pharaoh and everybody else and tell him to free everybody...have you lost your mind? What kind of bush are you burning here dude? I can't talk to people. I'm not a good speaker. Pick someone else!!!"

This is the Sunday school story. The one we're familiar with. People read about Moses, stop here, and then say "Look! God can use anybody to do anything. Moses was a terrible speaker but God used him anyway and look at what he accomplished! Be fearless! God will provide!"

^true.

But...

There's this whole other half of these verses that I think we overlook.

The Lord got angry with Moses. I mean, I get it. I'd be kind of mad too. God is TALKING to Moses. The God of the whole universe is s-p-e-a-k-i-n-g to Moses through  a  bush and Moses has the audacity to say "uhhh no way. Thanks but no thanks." Seriously?

But then God says "ok. Fine. You really don't believe you can do it? Your brother Aaron can go with you."

And then Moses and Aaron go and speak to Pharaoh together.

Together...

So I started thinking about that, and I realized how that can be applied to my life.

Have you ever heard that phrase "God won't give you anything you can't handle?" Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news...but He will. For sure. Because how else are we supposed to grow? If we were comfortable all the time we wouldn't be challenged and we wouldn't be made stronger. Believe me, I am so feeling that right now. I have been stretched and challenged more in the last month or so than I think I've ever been before, and I'll be completely honest with you- sometimes it's hard. But here's the beauty in it...

God challenged Moses with a task that Moses couldn't handle...on his own.

So, enter Aaron. Aaron was someone Moses knew and trusted. Naturally, I imagine Moses felt more comfortable with Aaron near him. And he maybe then felt like he could do this big crazy thing God was calling him to do.

God put someone in Moses' life to encourage him and help him through this challenge. Moses didn't have to do it alone.

Did you see that? I italicized it and bolded it, but just in case you missed that I'll stick it here too because I think it's really important:

Moses didn't have to do it alone.

We aren't supposed to do stuff alone either. I don't know about you, but when I'm struggling with something I just completely shut down. The way I see it: This is my problem. I might tell you if you ask, but for the most part it's really not something I just want to share with anybody. Sometimes I don't even take the problem to God bc I think I can handle it on my own. But that's not how I'm supposed to do it. We are designed to need that moral support from other people that God places in our lives. That isn't a form of weakness! That's just how we are. And God knows that. He designed us that way. I am so thankful for the Aarons God has placed in my life.  The people who are willing to come alongside me, challenge me, help me discern the will of God in my life and then support me all the way till the end. What an incredible blessing it is to know we do not face anything on our own. We have God on our side, and if He is for us then who can be against us?








I've been reading through Exodus, and I have to say that I've really been challenged by a lot of different aspects of the Israelites' journey. The Israelites were told that they would be given freedom from the Egyptians, but can you imagine being in their position during that time?

Can you imagine watching with excitement as Moses and Aaron walk into Pharaoh's court and with awe and amazement over the staff becoming a snake, and then the sinking feeling in your chest when Pharaoh said no? I think we depict the Israelites with this attitude of "Ohhhhh man. You just wait Mr. Pharaoh. Moses is about to go crazy on you in the name of the Lord..." but I don't think that's the case. 

If I were in that situation, I can imagine how discouraging that would be. I can picture myself standing there, tired, discouraged, exhausted, and lifting my eyes up to the sky and whispering something like "But...God? You said we would be freed." And then perhaps I would hear the still small voice from the Lord that reminded me to wait patiently, but perhaps I would just hear the echoing silence filling the court room. 

I can picture being in the city while the plagues unfolded over the next several days. The Nile being turned into blood, infestations of frogs and gnats and locusts, sick livestock, boils, darkness, and ultimately the death of the Egyptian families' first born. I can imagine a sense of relief that would come with knowing that God was looking out for me, especially during the Passover, but I also feel like there would be a very human twinge of doubt. What if God does all of these things and Pharaoh still will not let us leave? What if He decides we aren't worth all of this trouble?

Then, when the Israelites are finally free to leave Egypt, I can picture myself walking with my brothers and sisters, singing praises, talking excitedly about this new land that we're traveling towards and being suddenly paralyzed with fear when I get word that the Egyptians are on our tail with our death as the ultimate goal. But people around me would push and shove me forward (another example, albeit hypothetical, of God putting people in our life to support us...) until I found the strength to move and allow that adrenaline to do its job. I can picture coming face to face with the sprawling Red Sea in front of us, and what it might be like to look over my shoulder to see the Egyptian army off in the distance closing in on us. 
My heart would race, tears would cloud my vision, and similarly to that court room I can imagine being overcome with discouragement, fear, and that familiar feeling of hopelessness.

But then Moses prays, tells the Israelites not to be afraid, and he places his staff in the water and there's suddenly a place for the Israelites to cross safely. 

Oh, and behind them there's a pillar of fire that's deterring the Egyptian army from smiting all of us with their swords. No big deal. Happens all the time.

Do you really think that the Israelites were completely calm during all of that? No hesitations at all? 

I mean, we assume that. We assume that these amazing men and women of God, His chosen people, stepped boldly out between the two walls of water to cross...but they're humans. They are God's chosen people, but they're still people. And I can't help but to think that if I were there, on the shore, surrounded by water and fire and an old guy with a stick as my leader and protector I would be pretty anxious. But, the Israelites did trust the Lord, and that trust paid off in that they crossed safely and the Egyptian army perished. 

If anything like that were to ever happen today: witnessing plagues, being a part of the Passover, walking through the Red Sea, seeing a cloud of fire, watching my enemies crushed under the weight of the water and being swept away...I can't imagine doubting God's way of provision for me ever again! 

But...they did. A couple of months later the Israelites are hot and tired. They're sick of traveling and they're hungry. Like, Betty White without a Snickers kind of hungry anger that makes humans say very hangry things like 'I wish we had just died in Egypt with Pharaoh. At least then we'd be full.' So, God sent down Manna from the sky to eat and gave them water from a rock. Because, obviously, the other things prior to this moment weren't enough of a sign that He was going to take care of them. But God wasn't upset with them. He loved His children, wanted what was best for them, and provided for them. He didn't ridicule them. He didn't belittle them. He didn't say "Are you guys KIDDING me? All that, and you're going to say you would have rather had it so that I just left you back there making bricks? Oh forget it. You messed up this time. Nope. Bye. You can die here." None of that. He just found another way to exemplify His glory...





I haven't read any further than that, but I'm excited to! The older I get the easier I find it to relate to the stories about the Israelites in the Old Testament. I mean, I guess that's kind of the point, but it's pretty cool to really be able to picture it. I am the Israelites, and if I had to guess I'm sure you feel that way too sometimes. You see examples of time after time where God provides for you & does these amazing things in your life, and then you find yourself doubting his ability to take care of you. Just like the Israelites did. And it wasn't just in Exodus either! The only book of the old testament I've ever read all the way through on my own prior to this year is the book of Judges. And it's one of my absolute favorites because we get to see these narratives of the Israelites go through these cycles of being close to God, rebelling because they thought they could do something better and on their own, pleading with God for forgiveness, God's grace, the Israelites being close to God, rebelling because they thought they could do things better...and so on. 

I remember reading it for the first time in a small group that I was in my sophomore year of college and telling our group leader "These people are idiots. Who makes the same mistake over and over and over again because they aren't smart enough to learn from it the first time? That's so stupid." and no sooner than the words were out of my mouth I had this lightbulb moment that I 100% do the same exact thing, so that makes me just like those 'idiots' that I was talking about.

If you've read all the way through my ramblings so far I'm genuinely impressed. This is probably one of the most long winded things I've written so far, but let me just say this to wrap up this long ended post with...

It's okay to be human. We kind of are, so we indirectly get absolute permission to do human things and feel the emotions that humans feel. Even Christians. And it's my own belief that Christians get so caught up in doing the church-y, christian-y things and get so focused on all the little things, that we lose sight of what we're supposed to be doing. I heard in a sermon recently that sometimes Christians get so caught up in righteousness and our holier than thou attitudes when witnessing to the unsaved that we lose sight of the ultimate goal in striving to lead lives that bring God glory. We make the same mistakes over and over and over again.

My prayer tonight is that my heart is opened more and that God grants me any wisdom I might need to continue to read through the Old Testament; to try to imagine what these people were really like; & then take those stories and find ways that I can apply them to my own life. And may I continue to be absolutely as amazed as I am right now by my Father who is in Heaven now protecting me and providing for me. He is the same God yesterday, today, and forever. He is the same God who was with the Israelites and Moses so many years ago, and He is with me now. How discouraged or excited I feel on any given day doesn't matter because my feelings are fickle and they are fleeting. He is constant and reliable, and that's the only thing I should cling to in this life.