My Deepest Confession

This is who I am...

Well, it's what I look like anyway.

Brown hair. Brown eyes. Peachy Skin. I'm just an average person. I put my shoes on one foot at a time just like everyone else does...

I work with kids, and sometimes I do stupid stuff like this. It's fun though, so it doesn't matter all that much that there are a bunch of straws on my head...

I've gone most of my life and never thought I was anything special. I'm Melissa. I'm average, and that's ok. 

Not everyone can be extraordinary. If everyone was extraordinary then no one would be. You have to have the ordinary folks to set the incredible ones apart. 

For a while I tried really really hard for people to consider me to be something extra special. I've gone through seasons in life where I wanted so badly for people to like me that I would hurt myself or make myself really sick.

Eventually, I just stopped trying.

I would tell myself again and again that I just wasn't beautiful like other girls.

I told myself that again and again until I not only believed it but accepted it as a truth. 

Recently, I've had to change my outlook on this particular subject. 

Do you see these flowers? These flowers are very special to me. They were given to me as a gift from a little girl I babysit. 

Flowers Shmowers. Big Whoop. What does that have to do with anything?

I'm so glad you asked...

I look at the little girl who gave me those flowers, and I think about how beautiful she is. She's adorable on the outside with a little button nose and her little four year old features, but her thoughtfulness and kindness are oh so precious. 

I used to look up to my babysitters, teachers, and women in my life in general that I considered to be role models growing up and I thought they were the most beautiful people in the world.

How lucky was I? To be surrounded by such amazing, beautiful women who were also so wonderful and kind?

Yet, I've grown up and wholeheartedly believed that I'm not beautiful.

I entirely believed that no one could ever look at me with the eyes that I've looked at so many with. Eyes full of adoration and admiration.

That sweet little girl looked at me and said "These flowers are so pretty, just like you."

She changed my life and she'll probably never even know...

I work with kids all the time. I work with young ladies and closely with people my own age too. I don't ever want a single one of them to think they aren't beautiful. 

I want them to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God loves them very much.

I want them to know that they can be proud of their accomplishments and do anything they dream that they can do.

I want them to know that even if they don't look like a Kardashian or a model, it's what's inside that counts.

I've always known those things. I've always told others those things, but I can't say I've ever believed them myself.

I'm incredibly sorry to the girls that I've been 'preaching' to about self-worth, but that all that time I didn't believe it applied to me...

...Thank you for reminding me of the gospel.

Thank you for showing me over and over again that the inside is what makes each of extraordinary.

Thank you to the sweet sweet angels in my life who have taught me how to love fiercely and to be passionate about all that I do.

Thank you to those who have taught me how to treat others...

...and for telling me again and again how special I was. Even when I didn't believe it.

Thank you to those who have taught me how to have a beautiful heart, and to those who have told me that I am beautiful on the outside...

I think I'm learning to finally believe you.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in it's time."