The media sucks. I mean it really, totally, completely, one hundred percent just sucks. I read this particular article, and rolled my eyes and closed the tab before I finished the third sentence. I opened the link while scrolling down my Facebook page this evening because I noticed that four or five of my friends had shared the article, so I thought maybe this one would be a good one.
If you read the article...
Do NOT stay single until you meet a guy like this. Did you read that right? It's worth repeating: DO NOT wait around for a guy like that.
Because he doesn't exist. He's not real. And I'm telling you this because I vividly remember sixteen year old me sitting at the computer and reading a blog post that one of my small group leaders had written telling me the same thing. (Highly recommend you go read it! ASAP! Seriously. Open it up in a new tab real quick and read through it. I'll wait here...you won't miss much. Here's the link again, just in case you need it: link. Go on...)
This perfect boyfriend who lives in the corners of your imagination doesn't actually exist. Jessica put it more eloquently than I'll ever be able to...
"...Guys don't walk around and write love songs for us, they don't hold boom boxes outside our windows. They don't remodel houses in our honor and then say "it was never over," when we return to them. They don't sit beside our bed all night just to make sure we sleep okay. They don't do that. That's. Not. Real."
Hollywood and the media have done an amazing job of giving us the dream guys we're pining for. Edward Cullen was immortal, but he was willing to die to protect Bella Swan...a senior in high school...because he loved her. And Bella was willing to give up everything about her life because she loved the sparkly vampire right back. Edward was like...two hundred years old and his soul mate was his seventeen year old biology partner that he thought smelled really nice. That's not even romantic- that's really creepy. Hollywood makes guys look perfect, that's their job. And more than Hollywood, social media makes guys look perfect too. My newsfeeds on ALL accounts are covered in shared articles and memes about the characteristics of the perfect guy, how to make a guy fall for you, etc. etc. etc. It's EV.ER.Y.WHERE. and our heads are filled with these unrealistic expectations of guys like William Traynor, Augustus Waters, Patrick Verona, Danny Zuko, Noah, and all the ones in between.
I see articles all the time that talk about the type of guy you should be waiting for. Do you know what the common denominator is in almost all of those points in all of those articles?
They're 'YOU' focused. They're so focused on how this guy is supposed to make YOU feel. This guy that we're supposed to be waiting on, according to this article, is supposed to drop everything he's doing 24/7 to be with you and make you're life living perfection just because he walks into it.
Yeah, psh, ok.
If you're waiting for a guy who will open every door you walk through, who will drop whatever to be wherever you need him, for the guy who always texts back, who is never uncertain of his future or plans, and for a guy you can't live without...you aren't waiting for a guy at all. You're waiting for a fictional man named Clark Kent to walk into the room, rip off his hipster glasses, throw on a cape, and whisk you off to Krypton.
Relationships shouldn't be about what a guy can do for you. Relationships should be about what two people can do for God together.
If you're waiting on a guy to walk in and make everything perfect, then you don't need a boyfriend. You need Jesus. And I know you probably think that that's THE most christian-y cliche thing a person could say, and on some level I suppose it is, but it's so true. Take it from a girl who wishes she had figured it out years ago: if you're longing for perfection He's the only guy that's ever going to fulfill that for you.
Don't waste time in middle school and high school waiting for this perfect guy who's going to get the high school marching band together to serenade you during your soccer scrimmage, or for a quarterback who's going to run away from his team on the last play of the game, run up into the bleachers, and kiss you just as rain begins to fall ending a summer drought. Don't stay single until you meet a guy that makes you feel like he's the only reason you're living and breathing. Don't make an inflexible twenty seven point checklist that your dream guy has to match up on, and refuse to give any guy who doesn't measure up a chance.
The guys described in the articles? The ones who kiss your forehead and say nice things and make you feel good about yourself? The ones you're proud to bring home, and the ones who treat you with respect? Wait for those, but don't hinge your happiness on their personalities. They're human, but they make mistakes just like you do.
Wait for a guy, but wait for a guy that God has for you.
Wait for the guy who's had time to mature in his faith so that he can be a spiritual leader in your household one day.
Wait for a guy who's had opportunities to find strong Christian men in his life to mentor him and help him become a Godly man.
Wait for the guy that is more in love with Jesus than he is with you, and wait until you're more in love with Jesus than you could ever be with a guy.
Wait for the guy that you've spent years praying for. Pray for his heart, pray for his patience, pray for his strength, pray for his protection, and pray that God shapes him into the man that you'll spend the rest of your life with. And then pray that God prepares your heart for his, and be the kind of girl worth waiting for. Guard your heart. Seek wisdom from the Lord. Chase after God's heart and His word faster and harder than anything you've ever chased after in your life...and when it gets hard, frustrating, and seems completely and utterly hopeless- keep seeking and chasing.
On days when you feel like you're the only Christian in your classes, or the only girl not going to the parties, or the only girl who can't tell the 'my first time' stories...keep seeking and keep chasing.
On days when you feel like you'e the only person who's never done drugs or tried alcohol, or a new fad diet...keep seeking and keep chasing.
On days when you feel utterly alone, completely unlovable, and like no one likes you because of the lifestyle that you live...keep seeking and keep chasing.
Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. James 4:8
There is a season for everything, and every activity under the heavens Ecc. 3:1
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like wings on eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the ones who seek Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:25-26
Unrealistic expectations will ruin your life. Not just in future or current relationships, but in other aspects of your daily routines as well. When your happiness and well being depends on how well other people are living, you will be disappointed time after time. Because, eventually, everyone falls short, messes up, or just downright fails. And that's ok! Because our expectations should be that Christ's mercy and grace cover all of those imperfections. He covers the unrealistic expectations of yourself too! When you don't have a 4.0 GPA, when you let someone you love down, when you feel like you've let God down, when you feel downright icky and imperfect...Christ covers you too! The gospel doesn't exclude you. The gospel applies to everyone, so don't forget to preach it to yourself sometimes.
I wish there were less articles like the one I linked at the top, and more that gave you practical Christ-centered advice like the post that Jessica wrote. I wish websites like Project Inspired were more well-known among young women. I wish there were more christian role models for you to look up to, and I wish someone would just sit down with you and tell you the truth about the lies from the media, the hurt from people that you're going to face in life, and the imperfections and failures that you will inevitably face as you get older. I'm sorry that there's not. :( I'm sorry that we're growing up in a world where Christianity is lame, where dating is a practice that defines social status, and where choosing to make steps toward becoming a Proverbs 31 woman instead of the next reality TV star is practically unheard of. I wish someone was brave enough to rewrite the articles and tell you things that you actually need to hear.
I'll be praying for you my sweet friend. It doesn't matter if you're stepping into the doors of a high school for the first time next week, or getting ready to graduate and take on a new chapter of life tomorrow- it's hard to be a Christian in today's society, and I get it! But it's so worth it. I've tried to find happiness and contentment in about a dozen other things and nothing even BEGINS to compare to the peace and joy I've found in Christ. If you've never experienced that PLEASE talk to me and let me tell you about how much my life has changed because of what a man did on a cross hundreds of years ago. You won't believe it! And as I pray for you, I implore you to pray for God to reveal to you the things that He really desires for you. Because His plan his exceedingly more wonderful and perfect than anything we could ever imagine.
Above all, remember dear girl that you are loved. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember that the God of the entire universe looked around at all of the things that He made and decided the world needed a you too. ;) Remember that your identity is in Christ and not in the media or what the world says that you need to do or be. And remember that God's mercies are new every morning!
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