Apple Juice, Cabinets, & Grace

I was in pre-school and it was snack time.

My teacher had passed out the graham crackers that we had for every snack and began to walk around the room to pour apple juice into our tiny cups for our tiny little bodies to enjoy. On this particular day, I decided to help my teacher out. As she poured it into my cup, I reached up with my little fingers, and pushed the end of the apple juice carton thinking that it was heavy and she needed help lifting it.

Well…I almost helped her make a very large mess. If she hadn’t been paying attention that apple juice would have been all over the table, the chairs, the floor, and of course all over me.

“What are you doing?!” my teacher asked in her teacher voice. You know, the one that sternly suggests you’re doing something wrong. Her hand went to her hip, her eyes narrowed slightly. I know exactly what it looked and sounded like because I know my own teacher voice is pretty similar.

“Helping?” I said incredulously, surprised by her panicked tone.

I thought she would thank me, but she began to laugh. She called out to the teacher’s assistant across the room “Melissa just tried to help me pour the juice!”

And they laughed for a few more moments, and I sat there looking at my juice and crackers. I was four, and that’s the first time that I remember ever feeling embarrassed about something. I was only trying to help; I didn’t like being laughed at.

 Now, this is not some kind of sob story about being developmentally shamed and damaged because a teacher laughed at me. I am a type-A perfectionist with low self-esteem issues, but I promise it’s not because of a single incident that occurred when I was four years old. No, I'm sharing this story with you to show you that I've always been the kind of person that just really likes helping people.

When my little brother was a baby he had horrible acid reflux. Thankfully I have no memory of any type of projectile baby barf, but my mother has told me that on more than one occasion Michael would throw up four of his six ounces of formula, and without a word I would skip off to go find a rag and wipe him back up. All the while cooing and coddling “It’s okay Michael. You’re ok. We’ll get you cleaned up. Everything is okay.”

 Poor Michael.

The boy hardly said a word until I went off to kindergarten. I wouldn’t let him! I constantly just walked around as a kid and said “Michael doesn’t want that.” “Michael doesn’t like that.” “Michael only likes green beans if you cut them in half.” “Michael doesn’t like Barney. He only wants to watch Blue’s Clues.”

Michael was like...eighteen months old. He probably didn’t have that many opinions at all, but I made sure that I gave them to him. When mom asked the pediatrician why he wasn’t talking around two or three years old the pediatrician laughed and replied “Why would you talk if you had someone to talk for you?” When I left for school and wasn’t around as much during the day, the kid started talking up a storm. I thought it was my job to help him talk.

(He turned out totally fine, for the record. He’ll be twenty in a few months, is six feet tall, and can out-sport me in any category. He’s super smart, and on a regular four year college plan to graduate with a degree in economics.)

Another example: this past July I went on a mission trip to Las Vegas Nevada. My church partnered with a local church in the area, and volunteered in the community helping out where we could. One afternoon we volunteered at a children’s home facility, and we helped the owner movie furniture and clean up.

Well, I should say that the guys moved the furniture. There were a lot of really heavy tables, couches, and chairs that had to be moved out of storage. The girls volunteered to assemble a few pieces of furniture and clean the windows and baseboards.

Let me give a brief breakdown of Melissa Jennings' personality: I am creative & imaginative. I am a rule follower.  I love reading, writing, listening to music, and singing loudly when no one is around. I love being helpful. I love listening to people. I love listening to stories about people. I am super quiet until I get to know you, and then I just never shut up. I am not analytical. I am not a tinkerer.  I am not good at math or diagrams. I have a horrible time with abstract thinking & visualization. I know I'm not good at any kind of assembly-type job, but I really, genuinely, just like to help whenever I can...

So when the volunteer coordinator at the children’s home facility asked for volunteers to assemble furniture and no one volunteered within three seconds guess who’s hand shot up?

Mine. (Because that makes total sense. Doesn’t it? Let's volunteer for the ONE job I know I won't be able to do very well...)

So we walk into a room with furniture in piles all over the place. Bed frames were on top of couches. Couches were on top of refrigerators and tables. Tables were turned upside down and inside out and things were strewn about everywhere. The guys got to work on moving and re-organizing. One of the other guys in our group got to work on assembling a swivel chair, and I stared at a large, metal, storage cabinet. The little teacher inside of me was excited. “Ooooh a teacher cabinet. This will be easy. All I have to do is put the door handles on. I’ll be done in five minutes.” 

Wrong. So wrong. SO so wrong.

Step One: Insert rods into top and bottom of door through black plastic rod guides already installed.

      Ok…well there’s like four rods in here. Which rod do I put in the guides? The rod with the handle or the rod without one? I’ll try this one… CRASH!!! Oops. Ok. That one slipped. So it’s not that one. It has to be the oth-

      “You got it Melissa?” asked the guy working on the swivel chair.

      “Yep! Just need to figure some rod stuff out. Once I can figure out where it goes this will be a piece of cake.”

      Ok. Other rod goes here. Snaps in place here and then-……but it bends in the middle? I can’t put it in place if it bends in the middle. OH there’s a hole here for a screw. Ok. So I have to hold this with one hand, reach for a screwdriver, hold the screw with this hand, hold the rod into pla- CRASH!! Ugh. I dropped the stupid rod again.Ok. This time I’ll get the screwdriver fir- wait. Hold it. Which one is the Phillips head again? The flat one or the criss crossy one? Crap. I have no idea what I’m doing. Why does this diagram look like one of my seven year olds drew it? It says to take a screw AND a bolt. What the heck is a bolt? The swirly thing or the flat thing with the hole in-

       “Melissa are you sure you got it? I can try to help you in just a minute when I finish with the chair.” He was putting the first of the two arms on the swivel chair and on step eight of ten on his furniture assembly project. 

We’re ten minutes into this adventure. I’m still on step one. I should have said yes. I should have said that I didn’t know what I was doing after all, so I’m going to go clean a baseboard. You can try to tackle this in a few minutes. But of course I didn’t.

      “No no no, I’m just trying to figure out a couple of things is all. Once I can see where these couple of screws go it’s going to be super easy. You can go help the other guys if you want to when you’re done. I’ll be fine.”

      Less than ten minutes later the swivel chair was done.

      Fifteen minutes after that the room full of topsy-turvey, chaotically skewed furniture was completely re-organized and looked amazing.

      Three minutes later the guys were moving on to the next project.

I was left with a screwdriver, a poorly illustrated diagram, a rod that was firmly in place, a door handle and a handful of pieces that I had been staring at and messing around with for a little more than an hour. Refusing to ask for help.

Another twenty minutes goes by and I still can’t align the stupid screws in the right positions. At one point I had the door handle on FINALLY, only to see that I put it on completely upside down. I had to unscrew it, and start over on that side of the cabinet.

(I won't lie...there may have been a tear at that point.)

Two girls in our group walked in, surprised to say the least that I was still working on putting on the door handle of the same metal cabinet. They were sisters. One was in high school, and one was in middle school.

“Can I try?” asked the younger sister. 

“Ummmm…sure? But it’s not easy.” I smiled to myself as I watched her look at the diagram and the pieces strewn about.

She’s so cute trying to assemble the stupid little cabinet. Poor kid. I should probably stop her before she gets frustrated.

“The diagram is a joke and the screws keep getting stuck and we should probably just wait until the guys get-” and I stop.

Ya’ll. 

As I’m thinking and talking this girl has already correctly reassembled what’s taken me almost two hours in a matter of two minutes.

“I love this kind of stuff.” She said. “Putting things together is one of my favorite things to do.”

I felt like a cartoon character. If my jaw could have physically dropped on the floor I think it would have.

In a whipsered scream of exasperation I say "WHY didn’t you say you wanted to do it when she asked for volunteers???”

“You seemed like you really wanted to help.” She said with a shoulder shrug.

You seemed like you really wanted to help.

Man, do those words get me into trouble. I have really good intentions, but sometimes people don’t need my help. They don’t need me to swoop in and save the day. They don’t need me to fix things that aren’t broken, or even try to assemble things that are. Sometimes the person has it under control. Like my teacher with the apple juice. Or Michael and his own personal opinions on green beans or Barney the dinosaur. Or middle schoolers with an unreal superpower to assemble furniture.

This is hard for me to admit, but do you know who else really doesn't need my help?

God.

He doesn't need me to fix things. He doesn't need me to meddle with things. He doesn't need me to panic and obsess over things. He's God. He is good. And He's got this. 

God doesn't need my help to make His job any easier. He won't be disappointed in me for asking for help when I need it. He won't be angry. He won't be sad. He won't be stressed out. He doesn't need my help to make His life any easier. He doesn't need my help to do everything on the planet. That's not my job. That's His job. MY job is to be readily available for Him to use me when He needs to use me  WANTS to use me. He doesn't really need me at all. 

He can hold an ocean back with a shore. An ocean that he can measure in the palms of his hands! 

Have you seen an ocean before folks? It's ginormous. It covers most of our planet. 

Have you washed your face off recently? Have you seen how much water you can hold in your hands? (Hint: It's not that much...) 

God is HUGE. Bigger than anything we could imagine. He is powerful, and he is more than capable of doing absolutely anything and everything completely on His own. He doesn't need me to help with anything, but He blesses me by allowing me to! Not because He needs me to prove myself or my worth to Him or to the people around me, but because He knows that it will glorify who He is.

Sooooooooo what do you do when you realize that your eager, Type-A, overbearing helpfulness isn't always the answer to everything? When you realize that a lot of time people have it under control and you don't need to swoop in and save the day? When you realize that God doesn't need your help in controlling the universe?

Most people would be relieved.

Melissa Jennings kind of freaked out. 

Because helping is what I feel like I'm kind of good at. I don't have any cool talents. I'm not very interesting. I'm not very brave. I'm not double jointed, and I don't have the ability to lick my nose with my tongue, so I'm pretty ordinary.

So, first, my pride took a big beating. 

But I don't have a pride problem!!!

That's what I said. But I've realized recently that people with pride issues probably wouldn't walk around saying that they have a pride issue...that would make them kind of humble. Which is the opposite of prideful, so you can see the contradiction there. I'm definitely more prideful than I care to admit, and that's a scary thing to face sometimes. Because the reality is that I do NOT know better than God does. I don't get to make this picture perfect life plan and tell God that this is how we're going to do it. How arrogant is that? And then to get mad and throw a hissy fit when it's not going my way? Seriously? 

Second, I realized how completely ridiculous it is to worry about things that I have absolutely no control over.

Psh I never worry about anyt-

Just kidding. 

If you know me at all you know I worry if the wind blows funny, or if my phone makes a weird noise. BUT, I will say that I'm slowly realizing that panicking about...like...literally anything...is not helpful to God. It's not helpful to you. It's not helpful to me. It's not really helpful at all. So now when I catch myself hyperventilating over due dates or assignments I can calm myself down a little quicker.

Then, I began to find the freedom that comes with Grace and the Gospel.

B...b...but I know what the Gospel is. I know what Grace is.

Yes, but I don't always act like it. There's a difference between living with the head knowledge of the truth and living like you believe the truth. And when you stop walking around with this urgent agenda of I have to do more and be more and do better and be better you're able to take a deep breath and just be. Period. 

Apple Juice and Cabinets don't define me.

And by that I mean that every failed attempt at helping someone that has backfired or gone horribly awry does not define me. The fear of disappointment and failure doesn't define me. And if this is what you struggle with, it doesn't define you either. It's easier to say it than to believe it, but the love and grace of Christ is what defines us. 

He doesn't need my help, but I know I need His. And tonight I'm thankful for every bit of grace He has given me and every mercy that He has made new every morning. 

I hope you find some peace in those promises too. It's good to be reminded sometimes. :)

Love ALL the Sinners. Hate ALL the Sin.

Love the sinner. Hate the sin.

If you've been a Christian for any amount of time, I'm sure you've heard the phrase.

If you aren't a Christian, I'm sure you've heard the phrase too, and I would like to personally apologize to you for how Christians use it.

When Christians say "Love the sinner, hate the sin." it's usually in a context where we're belittling the actions of a non-believer. We're usually on the outside looking in, judging him or her for whatever situation is going on in their life, and we essentially put our hand over our heart and say with our big doe eyes and thick southern accents "Bless their heart...don't hate who they are, just hate what they're doing." And then we puff up our chests, fill ourselves with pride, and put a metaphorical gold sticker in our good deed book for the day. Then we walk around as if we have a blue ribbon on our shirt that says "Ooooh! Look at me! I loved someone hard to love today."

And we wonder why nonbelievers think Christians are hypocritical and judgmental?

The phrase itself holds some validity. We should love sinners, and we should hate sin. But we shouldn't just hate the sins of nonbelievers. We should hate all sin. Right? Unless I'm missing something.

We shouldn't say we hate violence when we aren't grieving over the ill thoughts we have towards others in our lives or on the news.

We shouldn't hate the sin found in homosexual relationships portrayed in the media without despising the gossip that takes place in our church lobby.

We shouldn't hate the sin of premarital sex without being disgusted by the sin of our own lustful thoughts.

 Somehow loving sinners and hating sin became this wedge that created a barrier between "Us versus Them" "Christians versus Non-Christians" and it makes me so sad.

I refuse to believe that I am above any sinner just because I'm a Christian. I have hope for my future because of who Christ is and what He has done in me, I have joy than can exceed all of my circumstances, and I have a relationship with my heavenly father who is the king of heaven and earth. A non-believer doesn't have hope for what's to come after death, will experience sorrow without having the peace that comes from an eternal joy in who Christ is, and doesn't have a relationship with Christ.

That's the difference between a believer and a non-believer.

Who made up this bogus story that Christians are out there in the world leading these perfect lives without struggles, without failures, without sins and that we are somehow better than the people who openly have issues or battles that they're fighting?

Tell them to go sit on a cactus.

Today alone I know I've gossiped, I've probably lied, I directed a very mean word...or maybe string of words at a guy who cut in front of me on summer avenue, I thought extremely judgmental things about people around me, I've said the Lord's name in vain, and who knows what else. :( That's just TODAY! I don't want to think about the past couple of days, or the past couple of weeks. You'd be reading about how awful I am for the rest of your three day weekend. And I would hope and pray that if people were praying for me they wouldn't say "Love Melissa, but hate everything that isn't perfect about her." in a cruel, judge-y, malicious way. I hope they would say "Love Melissa. Pray for Melissa. Ask Melissa how we can help her. Hold Melissa Accountable. Help Melissa overcome what's going on in her life. Ask God to move in mighty ways and help Melissa overcome some of the battles she's facing in her life."

Love the non-believer, love the struggling christian. Love the agnostic. Love the strongest believer you know. Love the atheist with a heart full of cynicism the same way you love your pastor with a heart full of sharing the gospel and reaching lost souls. Love the people in your life that you don't understand, love the people in your life that you're with all the time. Extend grace over and over again, and thank God for extending that grace to you. Begin each morning with a new outlook on the people around you, and remain thankful for the mercies that our new each morning from God.

We know sin is bad. We don't need high and mighty people pointing their fingers around and ranking how poorly everyone is doing. That's not helpful to anyone. Actively pursuing relationships with people and choosing to go out of your way to love them? If we all did that then we would have to shut down the news stations, because the news would have absolutely nothing to report on.

Glimpses of Hope

*One I wrote and never posted. I realize it's August and I'm talking about my Easter celebration. It's just because I wrote it out a while back...*

Let me just tell you about my day:

We had some family over to celebrate Easter, and we ate ate ate ate ate lots of super yummy food, hung out, caught up on life, and just spent time together.

My friend Elizabeth came over a few hours later and we went to a cookout at another friend's house and ate ate ate ate ate some more super yummy food, hung out, caught up on life, watched kids hunt for Easter eggs, tossed a couple of raw eggs back and forth, and just spent time together.

Elizabeth and I went and saw A Case for Christ, and can I just say wow? Like...wow wow wow. I'm usually not a big fan of Christian movies, but this one was SO good! I won't give anything away, but if you haven't seen it yet I HIGHLY recommend it.

We then went to Target and found our friend Grace.

Grace, Elizabeth, and I went to TCBY and met up with my brother and our friend Billy.

We laughed. We laughed until we cried. We laughed and laughed and laughed until we couldn't breathe.

We drove home and jammed out to Carry On My Wayward Son...because apparently that's what you do when you're on a sugar high and can't stop laughing.

We sang worship songs when we had calmed down.

And oh my heart- how full it is!!

Because here's the glorious thing that I just can't stop smiling about...

I saw a glimpse of heaven today. And I know that sounds like such a cheesy, roll-your-eyes, 'super christian', bible thumping thing to say, so hear me out.

 A glimpse was in knowing that I will get to spend eternity with my brothers and sisters in Christ, with my family of believers, fellowshipping and celebrating what Christ has done for the rest of forever. Just like I celebrated today with my family, and then with a family of Christian friends too!

A glimpse was sitting in the movie theater after the movie had ended and being so overwhelmed by what I had seen that I just sat there as the credits rolled in a stunned silence.

A glimpse in celebrating life with some of my closest friends, looking around the table, laughing hysterically over inside jokes and silly things...and knowing that what brought us together and made us so close was a mutual love for the Lord. (Except my brother Michael...biology brought us close together, but even if he wasn't my brother I think he would be my friend. Don't tell him that though)

We could sing and dance and be goofy, but we also had absolutely no problem at all singing worship songs just as loudly with the windows rolled down, the music turned up, and the smell of a nasty skunk on I-40 totally ruining the moment.

This is what it's about guys. Finding Jesus in these small, every day moments. And when you open your eyes and realize He is absolutely everywhere and in absolutely every thing, you see a glimpse of what our eterenity will be like.

I don't know what tomorrow is going to hold for me. It might be frustrating and crazy, and I might go from being on this spiritual high to being in one of the lowest dumps I've ever been in. Who knows? I know that I can cling to the hope in Jesus being in my big moments and the small ones too. And that, my friends, is worth every second of it all.

We have this hope for our future, in that knowing that Christ is our eternity.

Buttoning Up Bravery

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ~ Colossians 3:12

Strangely enough, this verse has popped up in my life several times over the last few weeks. I heard it referenced in a sermon recently, I was reading a book where the author used this verse in an illustration, I saw it on the back of a T- Shirt today, and as I was reading my devotional this evening- here it is again.

Clothe Yourselves...

You don't wake up in the morning and accidentally change out of your pajamas & into a new outfit. Even if you sleep through seven alarms, twelve text messages, three phones calls, and wake up in a panic because you're more than an hour late for work wearing a wrinkled T Shirt and yesterday's blue jeans- it was still a choice that I had to that 'someone' had to make to get dressed yesterday on a 'random day' of the week. 

This verse is telling us to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Yikes.

Can I be entirely honest with you?

You kept reading, so I suppose I can...

Sometimes I find myself clothed in cynicism, grumpiness, entitlement, pride, and dishonesty. Or clothed in arrogance, compulsiveness, inconsideration, laziness, and pessimism...slathered with a little bit of sarcasm sprinkled on top of vanity. 

Can you relate?

Proverbs 31:5 talks about the Godly woman who is clothed in strength and dignity. While I have some definite #goals to be like the Proverbs 31 Woman, I often find myself clothed in sweatpants and oversized T Shirts napping without fear of the future. (Probably College 31:25)***

I recognize this about myself. Despite my gross desire to overlook them, I definitely acknowledge my shortcomings and realize I have a very long list of flaws. And time after time I find myself relating to Paul who says in Romans "I don't understand myself! I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead I do what I hate."

I know that compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience are Christ-like attributes that I should be pursuing, Yet, I often find myself face to face with myself, shaking my finger, and scolding my heart for not seeking after the holiness of Christ.

This verse reminded me of the importance of being intentional with my walk with the Lord. I laughed a little bit when I reached the realization that this is what God wanted me to see from this verse, and I know I just talked about this a month ago, but if it's something God needed me to hear again I want to share in case you need to hear it too.





As citizens living in 2017, we have the ability to walk into a Bed, Bath, and Beyond to purchase any pair of Pajama Jeans, Jeggings, Snuggie, or Adult Onsie that our heart desires. If Bed Bath and Beyond is too overwhelming for your heart, you can tune into channel 240 on Direct TV to the Home Shopping Network, and (if you're 18 years or older) you can call to purchase the item to have it delivered right to your front door.

Obviously, we are leaps and bounds from our brothers and sisters in the dark ages to drove to the nearest super-Walmart to buy regular leggings or (gasp!) denim jeans...but we are still years away from the lavish lifestyle of the Jetson family.

Simply put, there are no short cuts. If we want to look our best then we have to put forth the effort to do so. If we want to reflect Christ then we have to put forth the effort that it takes to get to know Him. We have to put forth the effort that it takes to understand who He was as a man on earth, and who He is as our Father in heaven, so that we might understand who it is that He wants us to strive to become.

There's no out.

There's no loophole.

There's no CTRL + ALT + DEL that makes this any quicker or easier.

Unless you live on a nude beach, clothing yourself isn't an option. (And on the bizarre chance that you're reading this on a nude beach at this very moment...may I please be the first to announce to you 1- please do not ever tell me about this moment. 2- just because you can does not mean that you should) What you choose to clothe yourself with is a choice. Likewise, I have to choose how to clothe my personality each day.

I have to discipline myself to choose compassion over selfishness and kindness over bitterness.

I have to train myself to pick humility over pride and gentleness over harsh words or actions.

I have to cover my heart with patience instead of agitation.

It's not an easy thing to do, and I fail all the time. Every. Single. Day. If I'm not careful, I know I won't do it at all. 

I Timothy 4:7 says that we have to train ourselves in godliness. This is an ongoing discipline that we must create within ourselves, and not something that we practice during our busy seasons. (AKA Christmas and Easter...)

My prayer is that people look at my and see the attributes of Christ that point others back to Him. I want to imitate His compassion, His kindness, His humility, His gentleness, and His patience. I want to cultivate a heart that shows love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I want others to see His gift of salvation and grace, and seek out what it means to be covered in His perfect, unfailing, love.

So, here's to buttoning up the bravery and boldness is takes to live for Him. Here's to zipping up the zest for life that we need when we feel discouraged! Sewing up our souls with positivity! Threading our theological beliefs with the truth! Quilting our qualms and monogramming our minds with-----

(Yeah, no. I'm stopping the alliterations and cheesy textile related metaphors. That was getting ridiculous. You get the point.)

Bottom Line: God has clothed us in His grace and His gift of salvation. Our sins are completely covered up by what happened on the cross. The least we can do is to remember to put on what is reflective of His generosity to His children. Tomorrow I'm putting on my pants one leg at a time, just like I would do any other day of the week. My prayer this evening is that I spend some extra time getting ready in the mornings this week preparing my heart for the privilege of a responsibility that i have in reflecting His mercy and His grace.















***I'm not that creative nor am I witty enough to come up with that joke on my own. ;)

What Your High School Daughter Needs to Know: An Open Response to What the Articles Will Never Tell Her

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kirsten-corley/2017/04/stay-single-until-you-meet-a-guy-like-this/

The media sucks. I mean it really, totally, completely, one hundred percent just sucks. I read this particular article, and rolled my eyes and closed the tab before I finished the third sentence. I opened the link while scrolling down my Facebook page this evening because I noticed that four or five of my friends had shared the article, so I thought maybe this one would be a good one.







If you read the article...

Do NOT stay single until you meet a guy like this. Did you read that right? It's worth repeating: DO NOT wait around for a guy like that. 

Because he doesn't exist. He's not real. And I'm telling you this because I vividly remember sixteen year old me sitting at the computer and reading a blog post that one of my small group leaders had written telling me the same thing. (Highly recommend you go read it! ASAP! Seriously. Open it up in a new tab real quick and read through it. I'll wait here...you won't miss much. Here's the link again, just in case you need it: link. Go on...)

This perfect boyfriend who lives in the corners of your imagination doesn't actually exist. Jessica put it more eloquently than I'll ever be able to...

"...Guys don't walk around and write love songs for us, they don't hold boom boxes outside our windows. They don't remodel houses in our honor and then say "it was never over," when we return to them. They don't sit beside our bed all night just to make sure we sleep okay. They don't do that. That's. Not. Real."

Hollywood and the media have done an amazing job of giving us the dream guys we're pining for. Edward Cullen was immortal, but he was willing to die to protect Bella Swan...a senior in high school...because he loved her. And Bella was willing to give up everything about her life because she loved the sparkly vampire right back. Edward was like...two hundred years old and his soul mate was his seventeen year old biology partner that he thought smelled really nice. That's not even romantic- that's really creepy. Hollywood makes guys look perfect, that's their job. And more than Hollywood, social media makes guys look perfect too. My newsfeeds on ALL accounts are covered in shared articles and memes about the characteristics of the perfect guy, how to make a guy fall for you, etc. etc. etc. It's EV.ER.Y.WHERE. and our heads are filled with these unrealistic expectations of guys like William Traynor, Augustus Waters, Patrick Verona, Danny Zuko, Noah, and all the ones in between.

I see articles all the time that talk about the type of guy you should be waiting for. Do you know what the common denominator is in almost all of those points in all of those articles?

They're 'YOU' focused. They're so focused on how this guy is supposed to make YOU feel. This guy that we're supposed to be waiting on, according to this article, is supposed to drop everything he's doing 24/7 to be with you and make you're life living perfection just because he walks into it. 

Yeah, psh, ok.

If you're waiting for a guy who will open every door you walk through, who will drop whatever to be wherever you need him, for the guy who always texts back, who is never uncertain of his future or plans, and for a guy you can't live without...you aren't waiting for a guy at all. You're waiting for a fictional man named Clark Kent to walk into the room, rip off his hipster glasses, throw on a cape, and whisk you off to Krypton.

Relationships shouldn't be about what a guy can do for you. Relationships should be about what two people can do for God together. 

If you're waiting on a guy to walk in and make everything perfect, then you don't need a boyfriend. You need Jesus. And I know you probably think that that's THE most christian-y cliche thing a person could say, and on some level I suppose it is, but it's so true. Take it from a girl who wishes she had figured it out years ago: if you're longing for perfection He's the only guy that's ever going to fulfill that for you.

Don't waste time in middle school and high school waiting for this perfect guy who's going to get the high school marching band together to serenade you during your soccer scrimmage, or for a quarterback who's going to run away from his team on the last play of the game, run up into the bleachers, and kiss you just as rain begins to fall ending a summer drought. Don't stay single until you meet a guy that makes you feel like he's the only reason you're living and breathing. Don't make an inflexible twenty seven point checklist that your dream guy has to match up on, and refuse to give any guy who doesn't measure up a chance.

The guys described in the articles? The ones who kiss your forehead and say nice things and make you feel good about yourself? The ones you're proud to bring home, and the ones who treat you with respect? Wait for those, but don't hinge your happiness on their personalities. They're human, but they make mistakes just like you do.

Wait for a guy, but wait for a guy that God has for you.

Wait for the guy who's had time to mature in his faith so that he can be a spiritual leader in your household one day.

Wait for a guy who's had opportunities to find strong Christian men in his life to mentor him and help him become a Godly man.

Wait for the guy that is more in love with Jesus than he is with you, and wait until you're more in love with Jesus than you could ever be with a guy.

Wait for the guy that you've spent years praying for. Pray for his heart, pray for his patience, pray for his strength, pray for his protection, and pray that God shapes him into the man that you'll spend the rest of your life with. And then pray that God prepares your heart for his, and be the kind of girl worth waiting for. Guard your heart. Seek wisdom from the Lord. Chase after God's heart and His word faster and harder than anything you've ever chased after in your life...and when it gets hard, frustrating, and seems completely and utterly hopeless- keep seeking and chasing.

On days when you feel like you're the only Christian in your classes, or the only girl not going to the parties, or the only girl who can't tell the 'my first time' stories...keep seeking and keep chasing.

On days when you feel like you'e the only person who's never done drugs or tried alcohol, or a new fad diet...keep seeking and keep chasing.

On days when you feel utterly alone, completely unlovable, and like no one likes you because of the lifestyle that you live...keep seeking and keep chasing.

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

There is a season for everything, and every activity under the heavens Ecc. 3:1

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like wings on eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the ones who seek Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:25-26

Unrealistic expectations will ruin your life. Not just in future or current relationships, but in other aspects of your daily routines as well. When your happiness and well being depends on how well other people are living, you will be disappointed time after time. Because, eventually, everyone falls short, messes up, or just downright fails. And that's ok! Because our expectations should be that Christ's mercy and grace cover all of those imperfections. He covers the unrealistic expectations of yourself too! When you don't have a 4.0 GPA, when you let someone you love down, when you feel like you've let God down, when you feel downright icky and imperfect...Christ covers you too! The gospel doesn't exclude you. The gospel applies to everyone, so don't forget to preach it to yourself sometimes. 

I wish there were less articles like the one I linked at the top, and more that gave you practical Christ-centered advice like the post that Jessica wrote. I wish websites like Project Inspired were more well-known among young women. I wish there were more christian role models for you to look up to, and I wish someone would just sit down with you and tell you the truth about the lies from the media, the hurt from people that you're going to face in life, and the imperfections and failures that you will inevitably face as you get older. I'm sorry that there's not. :( I'm sorry that we're growing up in a world where Christianity is lame, where dating is a practice that defines social status, and where choosing to make steps toward becoming a Proverbs 31 woman instead of the next reality TV star is practically unheard of. I wish someone was brave enough to rewrite the articles and tell you things that you actually need to hear. 

I'll be praying for you my sweet friend. It doesn't matter if you're stepping into the doors of a high school for the first time next week, or getting ready to graduate and take on a new chapter of life tomorrow- it's hard to be a Christian in today's society, and I get it! But it's so worth it. I've tried to find happiness and contentment in about a dozen other things and nothing even BEGINS to compare to the peace and joy I've found in Christ. If you've never experienced that PLEASE talk to me and let me tell you about how much my life has changed because of what a man did on a cross hundreds of years ago. You won't believe it! And as I pray for you, I implore you to pray for God to reveal to you the things that He really desires for you. Because His plan his exceedingly more wonderful and perfect than anything we could ever imagine. 

Above all, remember dear girl that you are loved. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember that the God of the entire universe looked around at all of the things that He made and decided the world needed a you too. ;) Remember that your identity is in Christ and not in the media or what the world says that you need to do or be. And remember that God's mercies are new every morning!

Crushed.

“We pursue God because, and only because, He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to the pursuit." - A.W Tozer

In middle school a friend's older sister would read Seventeen magazine, and let her younger sister have all the celebrity posters that came in the magazine. My friend's room was covered from wall to wall with faces of Dylan and Cole Sprouse, Zac Efron, Nick Jonas, and every other Disney male headliner from 2005-2008. She had an insane crush on Troy Bolton from High School Musical, so Zac Efron was the focal point. She even had a Zac Efron poster on her ceiling so that he would be the last face she saw before she went to sleep every night. She had a crush, and it permeated every. single. aspect of her life. She had Troy Bolton binders, Troy Bolton locker accessories, Troy Bolton T shirts...the list goes on and on. She was obsessed.

When you're crushin' on someone, you become the kind of level three stalker that every FBI agent wishes they could be. You creep on their social media pages, you know where they hang out, you figure out what types of music the person is into, you look for common interests, you try to do everything you can to learn about that person. Then, you do just about anything you can to get that person to notice you. I had a crush on a guy a couple of years ago, and I tried to get him to teach me how to play golf because "I've always wanted to learn how to play." and I started going to basketball games and following basketball on TV because "I've always liked basketball! I just never have time to get into it recently because of school." 

Ya'll. 

My name is Melissa Jennings, and if you know me at ALL (or even just barely) you know for a big fat fact of life that I do not sport. I do not like sports. I do not play sports. I do not follow sports. I do not athlete. God gave me a lot of different talents, but He forgot to add a pinch of hand-eye coordination.

And I went and told this boy that I loved golf and basketball. 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And he actually took me to the range and taught me how to swing a golf bat (yeah yeah yeah, I know it's a club...golf bat makes way more sense though) and I was so excited. I had on a little visor, my favorite tank top, and my favorite pair of shorts on. Definitely feeling pretty good about myself. And I'm swinging and knocking golf balls into the field when I swing really hard (in an attempt to show off I'm sure), hit myself in the head, and then in a stunned stupor I jerk the club down & stab the guy in the gut before dropping the club on his foot. Guess who didn't get invited back to the golf range ever again? 


(me.)

I lied when I said I liked sports, obviously, but it didn't feel like a lie when I told him. I genuinely believed I would learn to love sports if that meant that this guy would like me back. I didn't care what I had to do...I liked him, and I just wanted him to like me back. I don't care if you're a guy or a girl- everyone has a crush story where you did something dumb for someone you liked. Eventually you get so tired of trying that you just give up and move on.






Here's my thought that I've been trying to sort out recently...

I think sometimes Christians crush on Jesus without ever being in a relationship with Him. Or maybe that's just me? Because here's what I've suddenly realized about myself:

I go to church to learn about Jesus. I want to learn as much as I possibly can about Him so that I can do things that He would like for me to do. I was in the church choir. I served on the women's ministry team. I was involved in my college group. I volunteered in youth groups and children's ministry events. I was in the building any time the doors were opened. I wanted to all the good things so Jesus would notice me and like me back. I liked Jesus...I wanted Jesus to like me back. I'd even lie and volunteer for things that I didn't enjoy doing at all, just so I could say "Look Jesus! See me? Notice what I'm doing? Isn't that great?" And I'd say in my head "Now Jesus has to like me even more now..."

But eventually, I just got tired of trying so hard. I got burned out. I got defeated by how discouraged I was in this never-ending cycle of "do more, be more, try more, add more, keep on keeping on..." and I gave up. I lost interest in this idea of a Jesus who would never like me back, and I moved on to other things.

Sound familiar?

Instead of being in a committed relationship with Jesus, I've just been crushing on Him. I've stalked Him, I've admired Him, I've maybe even admitted to liking Him a time or two. I've talked about Him, I've gone and supported lots and lots of His events...but I haven't been in love with Him.

When I realized this, it hit me like a freight train and completely uprooted my life. I started to seek out what it meant for Melissa Jennings to have an authentic relationship with Christ, and I found answers in places I never would have expected. 

But can I just tell you what a difference I've seen in my life over the last few months as I've found myself falling in love with Jesus again?

I spend more time in the bible...like...outside of church settings. Not in preparation for a bible study or anything, but because I genuinely want to hear from God. And because I have suddenly realized that God really is capable of doing that through His word.

I worship when I'm driving around in my car. I don't just have KLOVE or Air1 playing in the background, singing with the catchy choruses of certain songs. I have playlists of songs that move me to tears and I am honored and so excited to have the opportunity to sing words of praise to my Savior as I commute from place to place.

I pray. I am honest with God and tell Him exactly how I feel with no reservations. I tell Him everything now, whereas before I just told Him the stuff I assumed He wanted to hear. 

I am learning so so much, because I am actively searching for a relationship with God instead of just admiring Him from afar.

And don't you just want to smack me on the head and tell me I should have had a V8 or something? This is the ENTIRE point of Christianity, and I somewhere along the line I just...forgot? How ridiculous is that?!








I heard Matt Chandler say recently in a study on Phillipians that nobody stumbles onto Godliness by accident.

If I'm being honest, I didn't understand what that meant at first.

"Of course you can stumble onto Godliness. People flip through the radio stations all the time and stumble onto K-LOVE or AirOne. They hear "just the right song" at "just the right moment." People interact with christians in grocery stores and are encouraged or blessed through those conversations or meetings all the time."

My thought process was that people don't always intentionally do things that impact their spiritual growth. Sometimes God just uses our circumstances, or where we are in a particular season of life, to bless us or bring Him glory. I don't believe in coincidences; I prefer to call those little moments "God-Things" and since we can't plan for "God-Things" we stumble upon them.

Right?

Well...not exactly.

My definition was way off. I thought Godliness meant moments or aspects of life that made you think of God. Sooooo going to church, spending time with christians, going on church trips, or doing your homework for bible study were all parts of being Godly. Don't get me wrong: those aren't bad things! They are good things that can bring God glory, and draw us closer to Him. But if we do these great 'Godly things' with misplaced intentions, then they aren't worth doing at all. Doing good christian-y things isn't what makes us good christians. Godliness is about how we imitate our Heavenly Father and how we implement a Christ-like attitude into our heart.

And that seems so basic, doesn't it? As christians we go to church,we sing songs about Jesus, we paint Jesus on the walls of our children's church hallways, we put the Jesus fish on the back of our car, we go to every Christian movie that hits a theater, we shop at Lifeway, we have NIV ESV MSG AMP and KJV bibles sitting on bookshelves next to our commentaries on Calvinism or the latest book by Keller or Platt. We make it look like we have Jesus everywhere!

But, like I said, doing christian-stuff isn't the thing that makes you a Christian. It's like the illustration that says standing in a garage doesn't make you a car. Staring at the gym from my seat in Starbucks, sitting in running shoes, drinking from my Camelback, and reading articles about optimal running trails doesn't make me a runner. I'm only a runner when I'm training or running. (And, for those who are wondering...I am not a true runner very often.)

A relationship with God isn't something that happens on accident. I don't accidentally become a woman of valor by going through the motions of the good church girl. I don't accidentally get my sins forgiven somewhere along the line of living a moral life. I don't accidentally fall in love with God by not spending any time with Him. A relationship is formed by pursuing Him. By striving to live a life that looks more like the one that He led. When I choose to wholeheartedly go after Him, He will reveal that He has wholeheartedly been going after me since the day I was born...I've just been too stubborn to notice. 

"To count on the fact that we are dead to sin and alive to God is something we must do actively. To do it we must form the habit of continually realizing that we are dead to sin and alive to God." -Jerry Bridges The Pursuit of Holiness

There is so much more to the Christian life than stalking Jesus out on Sundays. We don't have to try to prove ourselves to Him, we don't have to work extra hard to get His attention, we don't have to do extravagant things to hold his affection. He loves us, despite anything we say or do.

May the weight of that truth crush all the other ideas that you've had up to this point in your life and permeate every aspect of the future life that you lead. My dear friend, there is so much more freedom in living a life where you feel unconditionally loved by the loving Father who created you...