This is something I started before Christmas and I'm just now getting around to posting. :)
This time of year is really hard for me. End of the semester brings finals and papers and craziness, the holiday season brings hustle and bustle, and the weather is a serious buzzkill for my mood. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder which basically means when the weather turns dreary and depressing so does my mood. It has to do with my vitamin D levels being too low and the sun not being out enough to boost them up. I've really been struggling the last few weeks with anxiety attacks and depression, and it's kind of bummed me out.
This time of year is really hard for me. End of the semester brings finals and papers and craziness, the holiday season brings hustle and bustle, and the weather is a serious buzzkill for my mood. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder which basically means when the weather turns dreary and depressing so does my mood. It has to do with my vitamin D levels being too low and the sun not being out enough to boost them up. I've really been struggling the last few weeks with anxiety attacks and depression, and it's kind of bummed me out.
This happens every year, and its happened this way for the last several years. Right around the holiday season it hits at it's worse. So what's a girl to do? While there are days I would love to stay in my footie pajamas in my bed watching Netflix, or throw on sweatpants and a hoodie and sleep the day away those aren't options for me. I have to get up each morning, fight through it and know that these feelings are only temporary...
Feelings are fickle but the Truth is forever.
This is one of my favorite quotations this time of year. A) It has the word fickle in it, and you honestly can't sit there and say you read that word or say that word and have no response to it. It's a funny word. It sounds like pickle. That in itself makes me smile just a tad bit. Fickle means to be indecisive and moody. So when I hear the word "fickle" I associate it with the idea of a pickle with an attitude.
I digress...
B) No matter what I feel: happy, sad, angry, confused, excited, upset, delighted, terrified, etc. The truth is that there is a God who loves me through it and thinks I am His wonderful daughter. There are literally hundreds of words to describe the range of human emotions: furious, exhausted, ecstatic, remorseful, isolated, hopeful, confident, eager, disillusioned, insecure, anxious, optimistic, and of course countless more. Even when we're incredibly grumpy, have a bad attitude, are ungrateful, and are just the epitome of an emotional wreck: God still loves us.
On our worst days when it took an hour and a half to muster the strength to get out of bed only to head over to Kroger and snap at the lady checking us out and head back home to take a 'well deserved nap' God still loves us.
On our days when we're disgusted with the people around us for making the choices they're making, and being distastefully judgmental- God still loves us.
On the days when we're in a spastic disarray, nothing is going right, and we don't even think about God until we're crawled up in bed but then are too tired to give Him the time of day- He still loves us.
Because no matter what we do, what we feel, what we think we know or don't know, the truth is the same: Our heavenly Father's love is vastly deep for each of his children.
On the days when it feels like the world is a dark, bleak, unhappy place I want to hide from...
On the days when I wish I was invisible so people would stop asking me what was wrong...
On the days when I can't breathe because I'm terrified of going anywhere for no concrete reason...
On the days when I think that surely I'm crazy or surely no one understands what this is like...
On our worst days when it took an hour and a half to muster the strength to get out of bed only to head over to Kroger and snap at the lady checking us out and head back home to take a 'well deserved nap' God still loves us.
On our days when we're disgusted with the people around us for making the choices they're making, and being distastefully judgmental- God still loves us.
On the days when we're in a spastic disarray, nothing is going right, and we don't even think about God until we're crawled up in bed but then are too tired to give Him the time of day- He still loves us.
Because no matter what we do, what we feel, what we think we know or don't know, the truth is the same: Our heavenly Father's love is vastly deep for each of his children.
On the days when it feels like the world is a dark, bleak, unhappy place I want to hide from...
On the days when I wish I was invisible so people would stop asking me what was wrong...
On the days when I can't breathe because I'm terrified of going anywhere for no concrete reason...
On the days when I think that surely I'm crazy or surely no one understands what this is like...
On the days when I simply struggle through all of daily duties because I'm emotionally drained...
I can say to myself that there is a God, my heavenly father, who loves me anyway.
My Father wants to wrap me up in His arms and give me the gift of the peace He offers, and the reassurance of His grace and love on my good days and my bad days.
I can say to myself that there is a God, my heavenly father, who loves me anyway.
My Father wants to wrap me up in His arms and give me the gift of the peace He offers, and the reassurance of His grace and love on my good days and my bad days.
Here's to the sunshine coming out tomorrow. ;) I believe in silver linings and finding the positive in every situation, and even when things seem gray (literally and figuratively) I know there is a hope in the promise that God gave to me.
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