You aren't my competition.

Let's play a game. It's intense, high stakes, and requires a lot of concentration so I don't recommend it for the faint at heart. Here are the rules:

1. There is always a loser. Always. A majority of that time the loser is going to be you. The same singular loser, regardless of who's playing.
2. You have to verbally idolize the success and positive attributions of others while bringing yourself down as far as you possibly can. Think of the worst thing about yourself, and put it next to all of the best things you adore about the person you admire. Think of that one awful thing you did two summers ago. Or that one thing that you hate about yourself that you do all the time. Keep thinking about it....obsess over it...don't stop.
3. Once you start playing you can't ever stop. You'll do it constantly, on purpose, on accident, at the grocery store, in the shower, at the movies, all. the. time.

Welcome to the comparison game. You won't see many volunteering as tribute for this one...
You've probably been playing round after round for as long as you can remember without even knowing. Sometimes you'll win: the person who you thought of just wasn't up to the standards you had laid out or thought up. But, winning the comparison game is a rarity. And guess what? No trophies, medals, ribbons, honorable mentions, or free coupons have ever been given to the winner of a comparison game. Sorry. You only occasionally get a brief satisfaction blended with guilt, peppered throughout by constant jealousy and spite.
The game is intense and exhausting. You may scrutinize an individual for days, weeks, months, possibly even years before deciding that he or she is better than you, that you aren't half as good as they are at whatever it is that they do, that they rule and you drool, and that you never stood a chance.

Here's the BEAUTIFUL thing I want you to read over and over:
You do not have to be in competition with the people around you. 

Here's what that means to me...

To the girls with the 4.0 GPA...you are not my competition.
To the ladies who fit perfectly somewhere between too little and too big...you are not my competition.
To the women who have everything in life color coded, organized, highlighted, and written in 7 different colors of ink...as much as I admire that...you are not my competition.
To the young ladies who are barely 20 years old, in perfect relationships, engaged, or soon to be married...you are not my competition.
To the girls with the hair that looks absolutely, overwhelmingly perfect...even in a messy bun...you are not my competition.
To the women who have picturesque Pinterest apartments...you are not my competition.
To my dear friends who are more outgoing than I am and know how to charm and work a room with a ease...you are not my competition.
To the peer in my class that my professor seems to call on more than any other student...you are not my competition.
To my role models and people I look up to and admire for being seemingly perfect at everything they do...guess what....you are not my competition.

Life shouldn't be this constant competitive game. We should strive to do our best and in doing so put our best foot forward, but we shouldn't break our backs trying to win these mental games in our heads. I don't need to walk in a room and be the sole individual with the best grades, the best clothes, the cutest scarf, the most interesting major, the most chaotic week, the funniest story, the nicest manicure, etc. I don't need to walk into a room and feel horrible for not wearing matching socks or having my hair up in a messy bun and wearing sweatpants for the third night this week. I don't need to walk into class and begin to beat myself up because Susie got an A+ on her English assignment but I got a D-. I shouldn't re read Facebook statuses, Instagram posts, tweets, or blog posts over and over again dozens of times a piece LOOKING for mistakes in fear of making one and being thought less of by people who know me. I shouldn't think that I have to act one way around one group of people and act another way around another group just to get people to like me. Because guess what? 

It isn't a competition. 

Everyone is fearfully and wonderfully made. (Ps. 139:14)
We are loved unconditionally. (1 John 4:16)
We are children of the King. (Galatians 3:26)
We all have special talents and gifts that can be used for His glory. (1 Peter 4:10-11)
And this is true for all of us: "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8)

So often I let jealousy, anger, bitterness, fear, pride, and spite cloud my judgment. I get lost in the land of if only, and I forget that often in my mind while playing round after round of the comparison game, I'm tearing my own brother or sister in Christ down in order to build myself up. It just isn't worth it. We're supposed to love one another and serve one another humbly so that we may become more like Christ. Where is there room for that in rounds of the comparison game?

So, I leave you with the challenge of forfeiting. Forfeit the game, call it quits, find a new game to play. Find ways you can compare yourself to your Creator instead of those around you, and challenge yourself to become more like Jesus instead of succumbing to your earthly ideas of ideals and unattainable perfection.

To Him....

Read This. Do it. 

http://stephaniemetaxas.blogspot.com/2015/02/dear-mr-right.html?spref=fb

Did you read it? Are you sure? Ok. 

Let me tell you a secret that I have shared with very few, and a story that I hope will inspire you like Stephanie's inspired me...

On December 29th, 2013 I wrote a letter to my future husband for the first time. (Let the record show, Megan Trainor's song didn't come out until 2014 so I was definitely doing this before a pop song put an idea into my head.) My favorite book series of all time is the Christy Miller series by Robin Jones Gunn and I probably read all twenty eight books in the series while I was in high school at least twice. My favorites I know I re read three or four times! The stories are about a young girl, Christy, accepting Christ as her Savior and learning what it meant to walk with Him throughout different seasons of life. In the books Christy wrote letter after letter to her future husband to let him know that she had started praying for him when she was in high school and that she thought and prayed for him often. I would definitely say that Robin Jones Gunn is the inspiration behind what I started doing. 

Right around Christmas of my senior year of high school I realized how important it was to me that I begin praying for the heart of my future husband. I began to pray that if my future husband wasn't a Christian yet that God would put Godly men and women in his life to lead him to Christ, that God would protect him and help him in times of tribulations, that God would work on both of our communication skills so we will one day work effectively as a team, that God continues to expose us to situations that test our understanding of others so that we may one day be understanding and patient towards each other, and so many other things. I began to write it all out one night in a hot pink gel pen and that's when the letters started...

Currently there are only six letters. This isn't something I do very often, and the letters aren't even very long. They're heartfelt and full of promises and prayers, but they aren't wordy or frequent. Up until this point I've been keeping these letters hidden under a box, in an envelope, folded up. I can think of only four or five people I've told, and up until this point I couldn't have even imagined sharing this with anyone else. But here's the thing, this doesn't have to be a secret. I'm excited about this and I'm more excited that there are other young women in my community, like Stephanie, who feel the importance for praying for their future spouses. Regardless of whatever the plan God has in store for me, I know he's the author of my story and I'm looking forward to seeing what's ahead.

Rain Rain Go Away....

This time of year is rough, and the rainy days make it harder. Today, was one of those days. I had a hard time getting motivated to get up and going this morning, and all day long I've been on edge. I had a hard time concentrating in Sunday School, I was stuttering and mumbling a lot, I was fidgety, I set my purse down and left it at church (with my wallet and Bible!) I was exceptionally jumpy, I set down my cell phone and forgot it at a restaurant, etc. etc. etc. 

(I found both my purse, wallet, and phone....just so you know.)

Before you roll your eyes and tell me to get over it; seasonal affective disorder is a real thing. I have it. I'm not lazy. I'm not depressed because I've lost meaning in my life. I'm not anxious because I don't pray enough or I'm not active enough or I worry too much.  If you disagree with me, that's your prerogative; but it's a real thing. Nothing frustrates me more than people telling me or other people that anxiety is a state of mind and all in your head. Or that depression is for lazy people who can't snap out of it. I'm sorry you don't understand it and feel like you have to attack it. I don't understand asthma and how it works, but I absolutely don't go around telling people it doesn't exist. You can't look at a person and judge whether or not they have asthma based off of how they look. You can't look at a person and tell if they have an anxiety/depression disorder either. Research is a wonderful thing, do some before you form opinions on things you know nothing about. Sorry if that comes across as harsh, I don't mean for it to. I just want to be abundantly clear.
I don't complain about it too often, but like I said some days are just a lot harder than others.

BUT here's what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for my mom who took me to breakfast, for my friends who made me laugh, for a friend who treated me to lunch for no reason (without even knowing I had a bad day!) for shopping adventures in the Dollar store, for puppy dog kisses when I come home, for a little brother I adore and admire so so much, for being able to jump in puddles and get messy and come in and change into warm clothes and drink hot tea. I'm thankful for my dad, for Super Bowl sunday, and for lots and lots of food to share with friends. I'm thankful for my pastors and sunday school teachers, and children saying funny things that make me laugh. I'm thankful for the ability to set goals and work hard towards accomplishing them. I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the hard days like today that make me appreciate what I have in life. My life isn't perfect. Guess what? That's perfectly okay. :) I love the life I'm living, and when I take a moment to think about all the beautiful things I have- even on a day when it's hard to keep my head above the water- I can't help but praise God for how absolutely wonderful He is.

End of Soapbox.