I tried to share the article and fit all of my thoughts in a short little status, but there was absolutely no way. This has weighed on my heart for a LONG time, and thankfully someone has finally put it into words far more eloquently than I will ever be able to.
Ok...so here's my two cents. It's probably closer to six or seven cents; you were warned. ;)
There is absolutely nothing more discouraging than listening to other generations within the body of Christ (not just in the church!) trash talk millennials and say that we are lazy, entitled, whiny, liberal, thick-headed, inconsiderate, and uneducated on "important things" that "used to matter."
So...as a younger believer who is listening to older and more experienced believers, I've learned that I'm supposed to look up to Christians who belittle those around them who think differently than they do? That makes sense. That's what Jesus did, right?
I know that's harsh, and if that offends you I am terribly sorry. But do you have any idea what it feels like to be the millennial in the body of Christ and on a regular basis essentially hear the words
"Good Golly Gravy, your generation sucks."
It's offensive. People walk around and talk about how disrespectful and inconsiderate my generation is, but other generations did the exact same things that we do! They just do it in different ways.
I studied a lot at the beginning of the semester on generational gaps as part of one of my Sociology classes. When I first saw the subject I rolled my eyes. Some light reading about how much my generation is the worst one ever. Yippee.
But, I was completely enthralled by the second or third article! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I was to conclude after several weeks of reading and studying dozens upon dozens of articles and doing some independent research on the subject as well: the mentality of "those darn kids..." or "the expletive youth today..." goes back THOUSANDS of years.
Check this out if it interests you:
Hesoid, a Greek poet, is reported to have said around 800 BC ""I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint". While it is not certain who originally actually wrote it, the following quote is most frequently attributed to Socrates from around 450 BC, "The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers." Peter the Hermit, a key figure in the first Crusade to the Holy Land wrote, "The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."
'I see no hope for the future of our people if they're dependent on this generation of individuals to run things while we're gone.'
'We were taught to respect our elders. These kids have zero respect for any of us.'
'Kids today are spoiled, rude, disrespectful, and they gossip.'
'Young people are selfish.'
'Young girls have no class.'
^Does any of that sound familiar? People were saying stuff like that back in 800 BC. How crazy is that?!?!!
The same disapproval happened to generation X and Y and the baby boomers too! In the 50s and 60's Elvis Presley changed the world with Rock n Roll. That 'loud racket' that I'm sure my grandparents' parents couldn't stand the first few times they heard it play. The Beatles. Short skirts, tight tops, long hair, woodstock....all of those things earned the seal of utter disapproval by other generations during that point in history. Now they're things we learn about today as revolutionary and pivotal moments in our country's development. In Eaton's article, point 4 hits it right on the head- Stop Blaming Culture.
Instead of Elvis and the Beatles we have Kanye West and The Chainsmokers. (In my opinion Generation X and Y got the way better end of the deal in terms of revolutionary music, but that's solely one person's opinion.)
____________________
So let's recap real quick: this generational gap thing isn't new. *insert the praise hand emojis*
Millennials, we can stop feeling sorry for ourselves now. I don't think we're the worst generation ever by any means, but good gracious we're whiny. (Don't believe me? Think that's mean? Go ask your grandpa if he ever got a participation trophy for playing sports...'nuff said.)
Now that all of that's out of the way and we're all on the same page (I don't suck. My generation doesn't suck. Elvis doesn't suck. Other generations didn't suck when they were teens/young adults either. etc. etc. etc.) let's talk about why there's this staggering difference in church attendance among millennials that started this whole conversation.
__________________
Would I personally say that being a millennial in the church is frustrating? Absolutely. But can I just say this- I think being anybody in the church can be frustrating. I don't care who you are. It isn't the building's fault. It's not frustrating because there's a fault or a loophole with Christianity. (The Bible says that God is love. His love for us is perfect and unconditional. If you think it's His fault or that He's the problem come talk to me some time, I'd love to tell you the good news about how that's not true at all.) It's not the pastor's fault. Pastors are people and they aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I can practically guarantee you that at a successful church that is striving to glorify Christ the pastor is not off in the corner rubbing his hand maniacally and twirling his mustache while scheming ways to destroy relationships between people and relationships with individuals and Christ. (If a maniacal man twirling his mustache is in the corner of your church right now and you can see blue prints in front of him titled 'ways to destroy the church' I would mayyyyyybe report that...or start to look for a different church home...just sayin')
So if it isn't the building, the pastor, or God then why is it so frustrating sometimes to be in the church?
I don't know much, but here's what I think: it's people. Every single one of us is messy. We're all broken. We're all a little judgmental. Every one of us is sinful and we all fall short of the glory of God. We are imperfect. We are inadequate. We fail. We all think we know what's best.
When you stick a bunch of messy, broken, judgmental, imperfect, inadequate failures in a building trying to do life together can you see where the miscommunications could happen? Can you see where the tensions could have opportunities to arise? Can you see where conflict comes up? I can. And I do.
I'll be completely honest here folks, because I think if you're honest you would say the same things about your church: my church is full of messy.
People disagree all the time. People have preferences that get trumped. People's feelings get hurt. People don't always like people and people don't always treat people the way they should. But you know what I love? And can I say that I love it even more now after reading Eaton's article?
Can I say how much I love my church? I do. I absolutely love it. I love doing life with messy people who love the Lord and don't expect me to be perfect. I love being reminded of the gospel and grace and humility when I do have to handle conflicts with others in my church. My church is a family. It's a tad bit dysfunctional on occasion, but that's just the way that families are. My church is my family, and I am so NOT over them. I am a millennial like the ones described in Eaton's article but if most millennials feel like Maria in the Sound of Music then I guess that makes me Ned Flanders. (Great.)
I'm 21 years old. I'm an active participant in the college/young adult ministry at my church, and would say that I actively serve in other ministries in my church as well. I'm the farthest image of Maria staring longingly out the abbey window as you can possibly get.
So what's the difference between me and the Maria Millennials? Why did I stay put instead of dropping out like so many my age have? Why am I still so enthusiastic about this? Why is this so important to me that I'm up at 3am during finals week trying to find the words to express how much this subject means to me?
I have a couple of theories, and if you've read this far down I'll assume you're curious as to what they are.
I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 14 on a youth trip to the beach on the last night of our stay at this condo called The Islander. I had listened the whole week to my youth pastor talk about how God reveals Himself to people and how He longs for a relationship with people. I didn't exactly grow up in the church, but I went enough to know basic bible stories and who about God was/what He did. I knew the story of Jesus. I understood what people were talking about when people talked about Easter and the resurrection and things like that. But on that particular night, after singing 'Glory to God Forever' by a guy named Steven Fee for the eighteenth time in a row that week, and after being successfully sunburned on every inch of my body I looked at my youth minister and said something along the lines of "I know all these things about God, but I don't know God like you've talked about knowing Him." And that was the day it clicked for me. I knew that Christ died for me. I knew that I was loved unconditionally. I knew the true definition of grace and worship and assurance and salvation. I knew it, and I believed it with all my heart. I still do!
From 2009 to 2016 I've done as much as I can to soak up as much as possible about the Word of God. I don't think I've ever let age stand in my way of anything in my spiritual life. If a bible study sounded interesting- I joined it. I remember doing an Angela Thomas bible study with my mom and a bunch of ladies in our church through the women's ministry in high school and being one of the youngest people in the room. The women talked about the difficulties and trials they faced from the seasons of life they were in- having children, having teenagers, losing a spouse, being laid off, abusive situations, and other things that fifteen or sixteen year old me probably didn't even know how to process. I didn't sit there quietly without participating though. These women around me were discussing their situations, and I opened up about mine too. I talked openly about homework stress and teachers and health problems and friend drama, and while those things pale in comparison to trials of motherhood or going through what it must be like to lose a husband I was never told that my problems were invalid. I was never belittled. I was always supported. I was constantly encouraged.
I was respected, and it made me respect others.
I've also had mentors throughout my entire christian life. I had three core youth leaders throughout my high school career and each of them had a wife that were extremely involved in our youth ministry. There was also a lady in college who had a heart for ministering to middle and high school girls that I really looked up to. When I graduated high school and transitioned from the youth group I not only found a mentor/best friend in a lady named Melissa Shaeffer, but I began to build relationships with other women in my church as well.
I figured out how much I loved to sing and joined the choir. I made dear friends there.
I discovered that I absolutely love coming up with ideas for events and planning game nights and parties, so someone asked me to serve on our Women's Ministry Panel. I've made a TON of friends through that.
I've made my best effort to attend a prayer service at my church on Tuesday nights off and on throughout college, and I've met and gotten closer to several women in my church that way.
I've gone on retreats. I've done other bible studies like the one I did when I was 15 or 16. I've fond ways to serve like the people in my life mentored me. One of my closest friends is 16. Another is 34. One of them is more than 70 years young. Age doesn't freak me out. I believe that God puts people in my life for a reason and I'm supposed to learn as much as I can about Him through His word and through people He places around me. Everyone has something to offer. I learn things from each of those people because I pray specifically and often that God places people in my life that will reveal His glory to me, and He usually does! <3
_______________
I don't know why statistics say what they say. I don't know why my generation is the way that it is. I'm sorry we seem kind of pathetic sometimes. I'm sorry we discourage you. I'm sorry you feel like you're talking to a brick wall. The article isn't totally wrong though. That point about mentor-relationships? I think if I had to pin point something specifically in my walk that's been the most influential thing it would be those relationships. The point about talking about controversial issues because no one else is? Also totally valid. Wanting to feel valued, wanting to feel included, desiring to not be talked about in a negative way? All valid.
There are a few points in this article that I'd like to conclude with by saying that I don't necessarily agree with them 100%, but only because I've never encountered them in the church.
I don't feel like no one is listening to me. I've always felt valued and I've always feel like, when approached in a place out of love and good intent, people listen and communicate openly with me.
I also don't think it's fair to say that 'we're sick of talking about mission statements.' I completely see where Eaton is coming from, but I find differences in theology across denominations of churches fascinating. Reformed versus Non-reformed. Pre-destination versus Free Will. Calvinism versus Arminiasm. These aren't negative debates in of themselves, and I think it's extremely important that I educate myself on aspects of theology and doctrine so that i can better prepare myself to share the gospel with others. However, when doctrine or conflicts surrounding doctrine gets in the way of the whole point of the cross then I can totally see where that would be a problem. Not ok.
I've also never dealt with feelings of distrust or misallocations with finances in my church during my time at my church. In fact, one time recently when I did have a question about a money situation our church was going through I asked an elder that I respected and trusted and he very honestly told me and clarified what was going on.
I've never felt as though the public perception of my church was a negative one, and trust me when I say that there's been a lot of adapting in my church family lately to bridge the generational gap and reach millennials so I can't say that I agree that's a problem either.
_________________
Here's the bottom line and the point I'm trying to desperately make...
If you aren't a millennial. If you are Generation X or Y or a Baby Boomer or even Fred Flinstone's first cousin. If you are a christian who has been on this earth longer than the 18-30 year olds in your congregation please please PLEASE don't belittle them. Don't tell them they're stupid or that they're ruining everything. Don't hate on our music or hairstyles or dance moves. Let us just talk to you. Tell us about what you like to do or about what the Lord is teaching you. Invite us to sit by you or take us to coffee one day (Millennials loveeeeeeeeeeee coffee. And if you find one that doesn't like coffee call me. I'll come drink their cup while ya'll chat.) Treat us the way you wanted people to treat you when you were our age. Respect is reciprocal. Trust is earned. Relationships are built.
If you are a millennial in the church, stop giving other people (regardless of their generation) ammo to use against us. Stop walking around like we are entitled. Stop ignoring your elders. Stop only signing up to attend the events with free food and wake your happy tail up one day, get out of your comfort zone, and serve someone else. (I'm talking to myself here as well!) Stop thinking that your preferences matter more than someone else's or that you matter more than the elderly or young children. You don't. Search for new opportunities to grow. Look for people in the church you admire and build a relationship with them. Smile more. Listen better. Respect people around you and treat others the way you want to be treated.
If you aren't in a church (millennial or not!) because you have a bad taste in your mouth from previous experiences start looking for another place again. Start to visit. Seek fellowship. Seek community. Seek other messy broken people to do life with. It's not always easy, but I promise you it's worth it. There's nothing like standing with your brothers and sisters in Christ, worshipping God Almighty, closing your eyes and realizing that the Lord is granting you a small glimpse into what the Kingdom of Heaven will one day be like. There's nothing else on earth that compares to serving with my brothers and sisters in Christ and thinking that we are in some way fulfilling what Christ called us to do so many years ago when He told us to go forth and make disciples or to do for the least of these. There's no feeling like having a brother or sister in Christ pray for you and realizing that they're speaking to Abba Father on behalf of you here on earth, but Jesus Christ is standing at the right hand of the throne of God pleading our case, covering us with His love, looking down on us and telling God "That one. That one is mine." If you aren't in a church, if you aren't fellowshipping or worshipping or praying or serving or doing life with other believers please feel free to join me this week at my church. I'll include the link to our website at the bottom of this post if you'd like more information. Feel free to message me on social media as well if you'd like. If you aren't in a church because you haven't had your moment like I had on that youth retreat where it 'clicked' and you aren't in church because you don't know what it's like to share life with brothers and sister in Christ because you don't have brothers or sisters in Christ please please please feel free to talk to me. If I freak you out, read the gospel of John. Call a pastor at my church. Talk to your friends that you know are born again believers. Go visit their church if you'd like to. Just please don't let previous negative experiences determine the outcome of what the rest of your life could be like. Life is full of so much more than you even realize.
I love you, but Jesus loves you so much more. Thanks for reading this! I know it was a long one.
No comments:
Post a Comment