I don't know if you're a fan or not, but This is Us has quickly become one of my favorite TV shows of the school year. If you walked into my house at 11pm on a Tuesday night, it wouldn't be uncommon to walk into the living room and find Angie & Melissa swooning over something Jack told Rebecca; sometimes weeping over whatever the week's newest plot twist happened to be. A majority of America quickly feel in love with the show's characters and story lines, so while you might not personally be a fan I know for sure I'm not alone! ;)
There was an article posted on Desiring God not too long ago that made a reference to the show's increasing popularity. (The post can be accessed here.) The author noted that viewers have bought into the idea that family means everything, so we as viewers celebrate that. We enjoy watching characters on television discover one of the ideals that we hold closely to our hearts.
"The workaholic dad finds meaning in his family. The working mom that barely gets it all done realizes her life is really about her family.The rebellious teen ends up finding healing in his family. It's a typical theme, moral, or virtue that is lifted up as one of many gods of our age. The family is often portrayed as the salvation of mankind. Family is where we find ultimate meaning."It's a valid point, and I'm not saying that it being 'family centered' is an invalid reason behind the show's success, but that's not why I liked it so much.
I liked the show because it felt real. The characters were relatable because they were struggling with real issues, and it wasn't just another show about who's sleeping with who, or another family sitcom where everything is resolved in the end of an episode. It was written with some level of authenticity. (Disclaimer: skip the remainder of this paragraph if you haven't seen the show. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS) [Seriously, don't be mad at me for spoilers. You had a solid warning.] Kate struggled with her weight, with accepting love, with being bullied as a kid, with feeling inadequate when she compared herself to her mother, with blame and shame and doubts. Kevin struggled with feeling like he wasn't good enough to amount to anything, with limiting his abilities, with finding value in who he was, with forgiving himself, and with comparing himself to his father. Randall struggled with finding his identity, struggled with forgiving his mother, struggled with taking on too much, struggled with the perfectionist complex, and struggled through the devastation of losing his biological father. Rebecca felt like a lousy wife and a terrible mother. Jack felt like he would never be able to do enough for his family...I don't need to go on, you get the point.
(End of spoilers...everything else is safe from here down)
I liked the show because it didn't try to sugarcoat anyone's issues, and they were real issues. Everyone I've ever met that has been willing to talk about it will tell me that loneliness is a real struggle. That perfectionism is a real struggle. That self-doubt and self-pity are struggles. That being in a committed, long-term, relationship is a struggle. That raising a family is a struggle. Every. Single. Person. has a set of struggles, and if you don't you are 1000000% lying to yourself and to others....which might be what you struggle with, so point resolved.
The characters and storylines were written to be fairly transparent, and I've reached a point in life where I believe people are just naturally drawn to transparency.
Tropical beach: 1
Murky pond: 0
We like to be able to see what we're getting ourselves into. We like being able to know what's going on around us. Transparency feels safe, and we like safe. That's why driving in the rain makes your heart skip a beat, or why driving in the fog is so aggravating. The dark parts of the haunted house are usually the scariest. It might be why the mystery flavor of the cloudy Kool-Aid isn't the most appealing, or why no one says the mystery flavored dum-dums are their favorite.
And if we don't have any earthly idea as to what something is...forget it.
*gags*
*screams internally*
There is comfort in knowing what's coming, and knowing that you aren't going through something alone. I've been trying to figure this out for months, and haven't been able to pinpoint it until now.
A while back I wrote a post called My Deepest Confession that was shared more than anything I had written, had more comments than anything I had ever written, and that resulted in more conversations over coffee than anything I had written before too! People I knew were shocked that I struggled as much as I did with self-image. People I knew opened up and told me that they had been struggling with image issues for their entire lives...and some of those people were in their sixties and seventies! I was flattered, but I didn't understand why it was so relatable. Until earlier this week...
I was reading my bible and opened it up to where I had left off in Psalms 141. I got to a point where David wrote the following, and I stopped...
"Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
I don't care who you are, how tough you are, how big you are, how important you are, or anything else: everyone has felt like no one cared about them.
People say that and friends say things like Don't be ridiculous! Think about how many people care about you! and they list off dozens of family members and close friends that would do anything for you. Or we say that and find that the world says Psh! Go look at how many people have looked at your snapchat story today, or liked your picture on instagram, or re-tweeted a recent status...
For people to admit to loneliness, in today's society, it doesn't make a lot of rational sense. It's still a very real and very valid emotion. But to admit it?
That's a weakness.
And people don't like that.
Weakness and the reality of our imperfections make people squirm, because it oftentimes reminds them of their own shortcomings. And confronting things that make us uncomfortable in general is hard, but confronting the those same things about ourselves? Nope. Not cool. Not happening. Not okay.
So we push it down. We hide behind strategically planned smiles, a happy I'm fine!, and small talk about sports or the weather. Even in small groups in the church, when we should be able to open up and be the most vulnerable, we whisper that we have unspoken prayer requests and put on masks and make-up to hide hurt and suffering. I get it! I'm the queen of faking it until I'm making it, so I'm talking more to myself than I am to anyone else. But because I do it, I know that underneath the mascara and lipstick, or behind a smile and a clean dress is a broken person struggling with a lot of different things. I care deeply about how others feel and how I make others feel, so I constantly worry about what they think of me. I get anxious when I'm put into situations where I don't feel in control or completely comfortable. This has been my struggle for as long as I can possibly remember, and while I am leaps and bounds and possibly lightyears ahead of the thirteen year old girl that would cry in the bathroom at school because she felt so anxious, it's still a valid part of who I used to be that contributes to who I am today. And if I'm hiding all of these struggles behind this ideal image of Melissa, it blows my mind to think of who might be hiding underneath the person sitting next to me. It makes me ache for the ones who seem like they have it together the most, because, like I've said before, they're probably the ones who have it together the least.
When I read those words from David, of course I was reminded of times in my life where I've felt the same exact way. But I was SO encouraged because even David, the man known for being after God's own heart, felt that way. I was reminded again of Moses, who was known for being an incredible leader...but who believed that he was inadequate and incapable. I was reminded of Peter, who was known for being a loyal follower of Christ...but who doubted and even betrayed.
I realized that my favorite people in the bible, my favorite stories, my favorite passages where I get the most comfort from are places in scripture where I feel like people are real and direct. My favorite book of the bible is James because I feel like it's so straight forward and to the point. Regardless of how many times I've read it or studied it, I feel like there's always something new that jumps out at me that God uses to teach me. My favorite character in the bible changes a lot, but I usually go back to Paul who says possibly one of the most relatable things any christian on earth has ever heard when he says "I don't know why I do what I do! I know what I want to do, but I don't do it! And the things I know that I shouldn't be doing, I keep on doing, and I hate myself for it!" (MJennings version...not actually quoted) If that's not one of the most transparent things I've ever read, I don't know what is!
Do I make sense? If you've read this far down, sorry (once again) if I've been rambling. Here's what I'm trying to say...
Everyone struggles with the same basic things. We all long to be accepted. We all long to be loved. We all long to feel like we belong. We all struggle with sins in our life: anxiety, gossiping, lying, stealing, doubting, pride, lust, envy, greed, anger, the list goes on and on! And when we're brave enough to talk about our struggles, becoming vulnerable and transparent, we become an encouragement to others who might suddenly realize I'm not alone!
What a comfort there is in that!
It's hard...and I know that sometimes it's REALLY hard, but it's real. And to me, real is worth it. Because real is where the biggest life changes happen. That' something that has been proven to me over and over and over again! The blog post I mentioned earlier? People still bring it up and it's been months! I wrote it on a lazy Saturday afternoon when I felt like God had placed it on my heart, and He moved SOOOO far beyond my expectations! My closest friendships? The ones that I can call or text at any point in the day, regardless of how long it's been since I've actually talked to them, and honestly ask for prayers or support. My "favorite moments" when teaching middle schoolers or high schoolers? Not the times when we got through as many bible studies as possible, but the regular life conversations we had at dinners or on weekend trips.
When done right, transparency is a very good thing.
I mean, geez-louise. If there were topics that I've just beaten up and beaten to death I feel like change, anxiety, and accepting imperfection have GOT to be the dead horse topics. And you would think that after years and years of going through seasons of struggling where I reach the same conclusion each and every time, I would get it! But I don't. I constantly forget how powerful and mighty our God is...
While I continue to lose sight of His infinite might and valor, I pray that I never lose the willingness to seek Him out upon realizing that I have gone astray. I pray that He continuously allows me to stir my affections for Him, and I pray that God would give me boldness to find new ways to serve Him in my day to day life. I pray that I fight complacency and do not settle for being okay with life in a spiritual rut. I pray that I am continuously reminded of how vital it is to pursue the one whom I was created to love and adore above all else, and if you would like me to then I will pray all of these things for you as well.
Specifically, if you've read through all of this and you think I'm absolutely psych-o for believing in any of this so called religious mumbo-gumbo...come talk to me. Shoot me a message. Stop me next time you see me. Ask me why, and let me tell you all about this amazing perfect person who is my heavenly Father and my friend. You are loved. By me, but perfectly by God who has created you and is longing for a relationship with you.
"So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit"
~ Ephesians 2:19-22
"...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."
~ Ephesians 4:1-6
"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."
~ Ephesians 4:25
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
~ Galatians 2:20
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