The Voice of If Only

"I love my life: my work, my coffee, my books, my family. But every so often, I look around and suddenly feel small and insignificant. Other women seem to be conquering mountains for the kingdom, while I'm standing in front of my dishwasher in sweatpants. Some women travel the country or even the world, speaking to and influencing thousands of people, while my own circle of influence seems rather trivial. I start to wonder if I really matter.

It can become a bad habit, weighing our worth and viewing our value through the lens of accomplishment. Even worse, we measure our significance by what other people think of us. Fearing man's opinion above God's is a perpetual trap (Pr 29:25). It's a horrible way to live, always evaluating our importance by the world's standards.

Even King David considered his place in all of the creation, but in doing so, he remembered his Creator: 'When I observe your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is human being that you remember him, a son of man that you look after him?' Psalm 8:3-4

David, the conqueror of kingdoms, sometimes searched for significance, and we are certainly prone to do the same. So our hearts repeat the king's question: Who are we in light of a vast and wondrous universe?

'You made him little less than God and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the worlds of your hands; you put everything under his feet...' Psalm 8:5-6

If God's Word is true, then we are hardly insignificant to our Father. We are His creation- created in His image 'for good works, which God prepared ahead of time' Ephesians 2:10
We bear the image of God. We matter because we matter to Him. So no matter how small or unimportant we may feel, we must remember who we are in Christ Jesus. In an impossibly vast universe, we are His treasured possession and He delights in us (Dt. 14:2; Zph. 3:17)

For every day we walk on this earth, our existence reveals God's glory. Who we are in Him can help point others to the Creator and their own significance in His eyes. He created us and came down to redeem us, we belong to Him, and He calls us by name (Is. 43:1). May His voice ring louder than all the others."

May His voice ring louder than all the others.

I read this devotional tucked in the pages of my Bible and quickly had to wipe the tears at the corners of my eyes before I ugly cried in the middle of Starbucks and got snot in my caramel macchiato. Man. I don't know about you, but I have lots of voices in my life that seem to ring louder than God's voice. 

I can relate to those opening words more than I'd care to admit. The reality is that I DO love my life. I love my family, I have incredible friends, I am blessed beyond blessed to have received an education and to have a job that I love to pieces. If I sat down and began to list all of the things I'm thankful for, you and I would be sitting here writing and reading for weeks. I have very little to complain about, yet I catch myself wandering through the land of "If-Only..." quite a bit. If only I was thinner...then I could probably get a date for that wedding in a few weeks. If only I had majored in business or administration...then I could get a job that paid more money. If only I had joined more clubs in high school or been involved with more in college...then I'd have a more interesting resumè & have a job by now. I bet if I were smarter, prettier, funnier, shorter, thinner, calmer, nicer, etc....then I would be happier.

Now, I don't camp out and live in the land of If Only. I just visit from time to time. You do too I'm sure, so I don't really mind admitting that to you. No one actually likes to play the depressed hostess of their own pity parties on a regular basis, but we can definitely put on our oh woe is me aprons and whip up poisonous comparison cookies to stuff our faces with.

If God's voice is a calm, reassuring whisper that we hear when we are still and know that He is God then I would say that I often let His voice become drowned out by the deafening shrill of my own insecurities. Constantly feeling like I'm not good enough is the all too familiar squeal that I imagine must sound like the air being let slowly and obnoxiously out of a balloon. I wish it were easier to tune out the whining and listen to the Truth that I know is being spoken over me daily as a child of God.

If insecurities are the whining of a balloon then the voice of my anxiety is the sound of a buzzing mosquito flying around the bedroom after the lights are turned off. You think you kill it, you almost go back to sleep, and then slowly you hear the hum getting closer and closer. "Is that really the sound of a mosquito, or am I just imagining it?" Am I actually nervous about this, or am I just psyching myself out? "No way. I killed that thing. I can just still hear it in my head." No no. I'm not freaking out about this. Calm down. You're overreacting. Stop being such a baby. Then all of the sudden you can hear the hum clearly as it flies past your ear and makes it impossible for you to go to sleep. Suddenly fear grips your heart and makes it feel impossible to catch your breath. Even though you're sitting down. Even though a normal person wouldn't be afraid of what you're working yourself up about.

Squealing, whining, humming, buzzing...in the imaginary land of If Only I imagine this would be the town's soundtrack. The jackhammering of lies fill the streets as we allow Satan to lay a foundation that seeks to overthrow those still, small, whispers of truth.

Truth.

May that voice of truth be louder than the lies that we get distracted into believing; reminding us that we are all loved and sought after by a God who created us.