The Foxes in the Vineyard

If you know me at all, you know music means a lot to me. (If you don't know me...music means a lot to me. Now you know.) I listen to a little bit of everything, and there really isn't much I would say I don't like. (Except maybe polka music. I haven't found a polka song that I'm particularly fond of yet.)  Every once in a while I stumble upon something that I think is catchy and I'll play it on repeat for a little while. Recently, I was on an Audrey Assad kick because we sang one of her songs at church a few months ago that I really liked. I had a playlist all set up, and I spent several days listening to Audrey on repeat. Her voice is beautiful, and I was particularly fond of her versions of a few traditional hymns. There was this one song that came up a few times that I thought was really pretty, but it took three or four times of me listening to it for the lyrics to sink in. I assume that you probably haven't heard the song since it isn't very well known, so take a moment to let the lyrics sink in before you go any further...

"I put all my hope in the truth of Your promise, And I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness. When I’m bowed down with sorrow, I will lift up Your name! And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy Because You are good to me, good to me...I lift up my eyes to the hills where my help is found. Your voice fills the night – raise my head up to hear the sound! Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God! And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joyBecause You are good to me, good to me...Your goodness and mercy shall follow meAll my lifeI will trust in Your promise"

I listened to it several times before I googled the phrase "foxes in the vineyard" to see it's significance. I stumbled upon an article from Living Proof Ministries. You can read it here. (Seriously. Go read it. It's pretty short. I'll wait here. I promise I'll still be here when you get back.)
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Words would fail me if I tried to put it more eloquently than the article that you just read. The image of foxes in a vineyard sneaking in after dark to ruin all of the hard work people put into it during the day is so powerful to me. I can't tell you how many times my life has been full of lots of little foxes. And what's worse? I think sometimes I have been guilty of knowingly letting them into my 'vineyard.' 

As Christians we strive to glorify God in all that we do. Our 'vineyards' are full of pruning out wickedness, malice, deceit, poor choices, and anything else that is not of God. I don't know about you, but it's just not always easy...

Imagine you're outside. It's a ridiculous hot day, but you're out there anyway and you're sweating. The thermometer says 86 degrees but the humidity makes it feel like 96.

The sun is shining down relentlessly as you pull weeds from the garden in your front yard. You aren't doing it because you want to, but because you know that if you don't then the stupid things are going to take over your entire front yard. You pick and pull; sweat and gripe; groan and complain about a few dumb weeds. The day goes on. You take a couple of lemonade breaks, but other than that you spend your entire day making sure that your yard looks as beautiful as you can possibly make it. You put down new top soil, you plant new flowers, you trim the bushes, you clean the mailbox, etc.

Finally, as the day ends, you look around and are very pleased with how everything looks. So, you gather up your shovels. You pick up the empty bags that were once full of foul smelling mulch, discard the empty boxes that once held your newly planted peonies, and you turn to walk towards the house where a hot shower and a cozy bed are waiting for you. As you're taking tired steps towards the door to your house, a noise catches your attention. You look back and not too far in the distance across the way, you can see your neighbors having a party outside with some other friends. They see you looking towards them and smile and wave. One calls out..."Hey! Your yard looks great! Did you spend the entire day on it?!!?"

"Thank you! Not the whole day, but most of it. I've been trying to work on it just a little bit at a time for the last few months. I think it's done now."

"That's awesome! Hey, how 'bout we treat you to dinner tonight? You let us come over there and hang out, and we'll grill up a couple of steaks!"

You stop and think about it. Steak is your favorite...but you're also worried that if you let a bunch of people come over and hang out, then maybe they'll step on your new peonies. Or what if someone decides to play horseshoes and uses your tomato plant stalks as the stake? Oh...why not? I mean, not all of your neighbors parties end up in giant messes. They've gotten themselves into trouble a few times, but not every single time...You look over at your neighbor's yard. It isn't that big of a mess. The lawn hasn't been mowed in several months, but the grass is dead so you can't even tell. The flower beds are just large patches of dandelions and decaying leaves, but there aren't any flowers trying to pop up there anyway so that probably doesn't even matter. You look under the big oak tree standing guard over your neighbor's yard. There's a few empty cans and bottles, but surely they would know not to leave trash in someone else's yard. Right? So you finally reply- "Sure. That sounds great! How nice of ya'll! Make yourself at home. I'll be out in a few minutes."

You go inside and take a long, hot shower and change into a fresh pair of shorts and your favorite tank top. You grab a coke from the fridge and step outside.

Your breath catches in your throat. In a span of a mere fifteen to twenty minutes everything has been destroyed. 

You watch in horror as your peonies are being trampled by two guys throwing a frisbee back and forth.

Your neighbor brought her dog over and he's burying bones in the new mulch you've laid out.

A few kids have shown up and are playing hide and go seek in the vegetable garden. They lean on the tomato plants and hide under the leaves of your zucchini- bending the leaves and pushing over the stalks.

Your neighbor brought her own grill and rolled it through a pile of mud on the way, tracking mud and grime all over your clean driveway.

All your hard work...destroyed in a matter of minutes. 

Now, hopefully you can't relate too closely to this story. It's a bit extreme if I may say so myself, but I hope you get the idea in your head a little better. Sometimes in life we work really hard, we put forth all the effort we should and we genuinely strive to honor God. (If it's genuine, this isn't a bad thing.) And then as we become tired and we look around at worldly things, we think to ourselves "Gosh...wouldn't it be easier if I just did _____" 

• Wouldn't it be easier if I just slept in next Sunday morning? I wouldn't have to go to bed so early tonight and I could get some more stuff done...

• Wouldn't it be easier if I just didn't go to bible study for a few weeks? I could finally make time and go to the gym...or to the new Chinese Buffett...or something. (It's cool, I'm not judging. You can go to the gym the week after you try the sushi roll.)

• Wouldn't it be easier if I hung out with my non christian friends for a while? I'm supposed to disciple others, right? Now I have friends that do fun stuff and I get to show them how I'm a christian. Win-win! Right?

• Wouldn't it be easier if I went to that party and drank a little bit? I mean, I don't want people to think I'm stuck up. I'm not prudish. I can be fun.

• Wouldn't it be easier if I watched that show everyone is talking about? Yeah, they cuss a lot. But it's not like I haven't heard those words before. No big deal. I could always be watching something worse, right? What's the big deal?

• Wouldn't it be easier if I just told everyone I was ok? No one wants to hear me talk about how I'm struggling...

• Wouldn't it be easier if I just kept pretending like I had it all together? No one wants to hang out with someone who can't keep it together...

• Wouldn't it be easier if____________.

Fill in the blank. Foxes aren't always obvious, but they come around all the time. They sneak into our lives when "life" happens. For me, I think the little foxes in my life are powered by fears of rejection and failure. I stress out about tests and presentations, so my foxes burrow their way into my anxiety ridden heart. I get concerned over what people think about me and I get angry when I think the talk is negative, so the foxes chew on my courage and every ounce of self esteem that I have until they have broken down fences and covered my soul in cynicism and bitterness.

"Jealousy, envy, discord, anger, bitterness, insecurity, anxiety, lust, discouragement, hatred and the list could go on and on. If we don’t continually nip them in the bud, the foxes will seek to spoil the growing fruitful vineyards."

It isn't always the easy option, but I hope that I can refocus and train myself to not let foxes sneak into the vineyard and steal my joy. I will not allow them to ambush and demolish the life that I have built in Christ by deceiving me into doing what I do not wish to do. It isn't always easy, but it's worth it. 

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

If you choose to allow your eardrums to succumb to my attempts at singing, then I would greatly prefer you hit play and open another window to listen to your email or something else. I'm rocking some raccoon eyes and the slicked back hair...and I make some pretty awkward faces. ;) If you can make it through the first 20 seconds I think your little ears will be in the clear.


In the event that my link does not work you can copy and paste the following :) http://blog.lproof.org/2013/12/the-foxes-in-the-vineyard.html

My Deepest Confession

This is who I am...

Well, it's what I look like anyway.

Brown hair. Brown eyes. Peachy Skin. I'm just an average person. I put my shoes on one foot at a time just like everyone else does...

I work with kids, and sometimes I do stupid stuff like this. It's fun though, so it doesn't matter all that much that there are a bunch of straws on my head...

I've gone most of my life and never thought I was anything special. I'm Melissa. I'm average, and that's ok. 

Not everyone can be extraordinary. If everyone was extraordinary then no one would be. You have to have the ordinary folks to set the incredible ones apart. 

For a while I tried really really hard for people to consider me to be something extra special. I've gone through seasons in life where I wanted so badly for people to like me that I would hurt myself or make myself really sick.

Eventually, I just stopped trying.

I would tell myself again and again that I just wasn't beautiful like other girls.

I told myself that again and again until I not only believed it but accepted it as a truth. 

Recently, I've had to change my outlook on this particular subject. 

Do you see these flowers? These flowers are very special to me. They were given to me as a gift from a little girl I babysit. 

Flowers Shmowers. Big Whoop. What does that have to do with anything?

I'm so glad you asked...

I look at the little girl who gave me those flowers, and I think about how beautiful she is. She's adorable on the outside with a little button nose and her little four year old features, but her thoughtfulness and kindness are oh so precious. 

I used to look up to my babysitters, teachers, and women in my life in general that I considered to be role models growing up and I thought they were the most beautiful people in the world.

How lucky was I? To be surrounded by such amazing, beautiful women who were also so wonderful and kind?

Yet, I've grown up and wholeheartedly believed that I'm not beautiful.

I entirely believed that no one could ever look at me with the eyes that I've looked at so many with. Eyes full of adoration and admiration.

That sweet little girl looked at me and said "These flowers are so pretty, just like you."

She changed my life and she'll probably never even know...

I work with kids all the time. I work with young ladies and closely with people my own age too. I don't ever want a single one of them to think they aren't beautiful. 

I want them to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God loves them very much.

I want them to know that they can be proud of their accomplishments and do anything they dream that they can do.

I want them to know that even if they don't look like a Kardashian or a model, it's what's inside that counts.

I've always known those things. I've always told others those things, but I can't say I've ever believed them myself.

I'm incredibly sorry to the girls that I've been 'preaching' to about self-worth, but that all that time I didn't believe it applied to me...

...Thank you for reminding me of the gospel.

Thank you for showing me over and over again that the inside is what makes each of extraordinary.

Thank you to the sweet sweet angels in my life who have taught me how to love fiercely and to be passionate about all that I do.

Thank you to those who have taught me how to treat others...

...and for telling me again and again how special I was. Even when I didn't believe it.

Thank you to those who have taught me how to have a beautiful heart, and to those who have told me that I am beautiful on the outside...

I think I'm learning to finally believe you.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in it's time."

Loyalty

Hebrews 11:24-26 (NIV)

24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.

^An example of how one man chose to forsake every comfort in his own life to focus on the plan God had for him. It couldn't have been easy. We are called to be loyal followers of Christ. (1Kings 2:3-4) And likewise, He is loyal to us. (Deuteronomy 7:9 Know that Yahweh your God is God, the faithful God who keeps His gracious covenant loyalty for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commands.)

Loyalty is not something that's easy to our flesh and our earthly mindsets. God knows this. He knows that we face trials and temptations every day where we have a choice to draw close to His word and His commandments or to turn and choose a different path. It's 2:30am, and I can't sleep at all because my mind is just reeling with His love for me and His grace.

2 Timothy 2:13 If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.

Lamentations 3:22-24 We are still alive because the Lord’s faithful love never ends. Every morning he shows it in new ways! You are so very true and loyal! I say to myself, “The Lord is my God, and I trust him.”

Romans 8:35-39 Who will separate us from the Messiah’s love? Can trouble, distress, persecution, hunger, nakedness, danger, or a violent death do this? As it is written, “For your sake we are being put to death all day long. We are thought of as sheep headed for slaughter.” In all these things we are triumphantly victorious due to the one who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor anything above, nor anything below, nor anything else in all creation can separate us from the love of God that is ours in union with the Messiah Jesus, our Lord.

He has proven Himself to me time and time again, yet I often find myself turning away and choosing things that do not prove my loyal relationship to Him. This week I'm striving to be Loyal to Christ. I'm not sure what exactly that may entail, but I know it isn't going to always be an easy choice. I'm slowly learning though, sometimes love isn't a warm mushy feeling. Sometimes you just have to choose to love someone. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even when you're angry with them. You just have to love them.

Every day, Christ chooses to love me. He loves me in every millisecond of every moment. His love for me is loyal, unwavering, and unconditional. I can think of a hundred reasons for Him to not love me, and yet He stays. 

Words can not justify the feeling of peace. <3

If Christians Used Social Media Like We're Supposed To...

Scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll.....

Likes a cat video.

Scroll scroll scroll...

Oh, so-and-so got engaged. Cool. I haven't seen or talked to them in like six years, but that's cool for them.

Scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll...

Like a status with a bible verse on it.

Scroll scroll scroll...

Ew. Why does he post stuff like that? No one cares.

Scroll scroll...

Ugh. She's so fake. Where's the dislike button?

Scroll scroll scroll...

If I see one more stupid recipe video so help me...

Scroll....scroll...scroll...

gah! I hate politics....haha that cartoon was kind of funny though.

Scroll...scroll....................scroll.


I don't know about you but this is what social media has become for me. Mindless scrolling down of pages, mindlessly liking or unliking videos/photos/statuses, and growing increasingly angry and bitter at everyone for posting about their "perfect Pinterest lives."

I'm sorry I sound cynical. I'm sorry this isn't all rainbows and butterflies. When I started writing this post a few weeks ago I was writing it as a formal goodbye to social media. I'm tired of wasting time out of my day on the internet reading about someone's life how someone wants me to perceive their life, and spending time out of my day worried about how people perceive my life. I'm tired of political arguments. I'm tired of "Oh woe is me, I'm on my third season of *insert particular Netflix drama* because I have too much time on my hands." I'm tired of scandalous pictures and mind numbing articles about how you can "do THESE four things to make him love you forever!" I'm tired of the quizzes that use your favorite color to predict your five year plan, and I'm tired of politics. (Yes, I know I mentioned politics twice. On purpose.)

Social Media has become less about connecting with others and more about mind numbing escapes from our realities. I know this for a fact, because I am SOOO guilty of it! What's worse, do you know what else I'm guilty of? I'm guilty of being "friends" with people that I either A) don't know very well in real life or B) get along with very well in real life and I get MAD at them on social media. I do! I know that's ridiculous. I'm not proud of it!!! I'm simply stating that I struggle with keeping my emotions in check sometimes. I look at posts from someone I don't know very well, let's say someone I had a class with once my freshman year of high school, and I find myself rolling my eyes and saying to myself "there's no way her life is actually life that." or "wow. I can't believe he just did THAT." I find myself judging and being jealous. I look at posts of people that I just don't get along with in real life and feel a red hot bubble swelling up from somewhere really deep down that I'm ashamed exists in my heart.

Everyone I've talked to says that they feel this way sometimes too. I think it's just a part of what makes us human.

So, with that being said, let's go back to my original intention for this little post. Farewell Facebook! Peace out Pinterest! Hasta la Vista Instagram! Toodle-loo Twitter! I'm done!!! It would make sense, wouldn't it? I'm tired of it, so I'm letting it go.

But I started thinking...it's a dangerous thing to do sometimes, but I thought nonetheless.

How many of my Facebook friends aren't Christians?
How many non christian friends see bible verses that I pin on Pinterest?
How many followers do I have on Instagram and Twitter that see my posts about joy that comes from the Lord who may never be exposed to it from others?

There's an alarming amount.

So I took a step back and reevaluated.

There's no reason for me to cut out social media and stop it cold turkey. There are a dozen or so reasons that I would like to, but there's no reason to do it just yet. Because here's the thing: what would happen if I let God into every aspect of my life, even my social media, and allowed Him to take charge of spreading His love for others through me? What would happen if I spent less time complaining? Less time passive-aggressively posting about he-said she-said drama? Less time posting things that take away from God's glory, and more time focusing on things that point others to Him? Do you think others would notice? I think they might!

I write this post as a challenge to myself, but to other christian friends in my circle as well. If Jesus was your friend on Facebook or a follower of your Instagram account with whom you could interact, would you still post the things you post and say the things you say? If I'm being honest I would reevaluate a lot of the things I had going on. If you're a normal human being, you probably would too. This week may we be challenged to use every aspect of our lives to glorify Christ. Even the seemingly meaningless social media. You never know what's going to effect somebody.

*Disclaimer! I'm not saying that christians currently aren't using social media outlets to spread the good news. I'm simply calling attention to the fact that we might not realize the limitless opportunities we have before us.

Nobody Wants It

Have you ever had the type of dream where you wake up and you feel like the earth is spinning too quickly? You look around your dark bedroom and you feel like you’ve just had an out of body experience on an outlandish adventure, and you can’t quite believe that what you just felt in the dream didn’t happen in real life. Sometimes the dreams are pleasant- maybe you flew across the world in a day and saw the seven wonders that took your breath away. Sometimes the dreams are dark- maybe you just spent the last three days being chased by a bug-eyed mad man with a knife and a foot fetish…

Regardless of what the dream entailed specifically; you wake up and something just doesn’t feel right. Most people calmly get up and get a glass of water, or take a few deep breaths and go right back to sleep. These types of dreams and those types of heart pounding feelings only happen occasionally after all. For me, these feelings happen all the time. It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or sleeping. I constantly feel like the world is spinning a little too quickly and like I can’t get a grip on what’s happening. It’s been like this for my entire life. My heart is a wild horse galloping aimlessly through an open field with no plans of stopping. It just runs faster and faster no matter what. I can’t control it.

This of course causes the adrenaline to race through my veins and into every inch of my body. I can feel it spreading as my pulse gets even quicker, my skin becomes greasy and slick, my fingers tremble, and knees become nothing but contorted muscles that use to be. My breath comes quickly, but try as I might I cannot under any circumstances seem to catch it. It’s like trying to catch every raindrop falling from the sky on a stormy day into one bucket- hopeless and completely impossible.

            Having anxiety is like having a large rock tied around your waist by a string. Most of the time that rock weighs you down and makes you feel like you’re drowning. Your lungs burn; your head starts pounding, and you thrash around in frantic attempts to save your own life from a situation that may not be real. Other times it simply sits there keeping you anchored to real life. Your thoughts are cautious, every possibility is carefully combed over, and every action is well thought out. Regardless of its implications, it’s a nuisance and not something anyone would voluntarily want to live with.

It's a nuisance and not something anyone would voluntarily want to live with.

 Can I reiterate that? Great. Thanks. One more time...I want to make sure you understand.

No one who genuinely has anxiety wants to live with it. 

So here's an idea: Don't ever assume someone is "faking it" for attention. Someone accused me of faking it several years ago, and it took me a really really long time to get over. I was at a youth conference my senior year of high school and was sitting in the middle of the row between a dozen or so people. I was sitting there listening to some speaker begin his sermon and my hands started to get really clammy. My ears started ringing. My head was pounding. My heart felt like the viral video of the gorilla at the zoo pounding on the glass over and over again. I looked around and knew I needed to leave before it got worse. I was afraid that if I moved then everyone on my row would think something was wrong with me. I was afraid that all the people sitting behind me would be aggravated that I was blocking their view for the twenty seconds that it took for me to leave. I was angry with myself for feeling so lousy and anxious in the middle of a youth conference for Pete’s sake! So I sat and tapped my fingers and felt my legs shaking. I couldn’t hear a word the man was saying, and the only thing I could think about was how badly I needed some fresh air before my head imploded. I leaned over to one of our chaperones and told them that I was having an anxiety attack and needed to step outside. This individual asked me incredulously if I was serious, and when I made it outside they told me I was being ridiculous.

Duh.

Dude. I know that.

I KNOW that.

I know I’m being ridiculous. I know you can’t possibly understand me because I don’t understand me! I know that leaving a quiet, safe place to come outside in a hyperventilating mess of tears over nothing at all doesn’t make sense to you! I KNOW it doesn’t because I can’t even comprehend it myself.

So yeah. I’m being ridiculous. Thank you very much for your mighty words of wisdom. 

Now of course, in this person’s defense. They didn’t know any better. They kind of just assumed the whole “tough love thing” is how lifelong issues were resolved and taken care of. Fair enough. And yeah, a 17 year old girl standing with her arms folded and a scowl on her face for no apparent reason? If I didn’t know better I would assume she was messing with me too and trying to get out of sitting in a crowded room for longer than necessary. So I get it. Honest mistake. Slip of the tongue. It happens.

This particular situation and ones that happened before and after came up again. And again. And someone eventually asked me why I felt like I needed to pretend to have anxiety to obtain attention from others. I haven’t ever been physically punched in the gut by another human being before, but if I had to imagine the feeling that moment when I was asked that question would have been it. I was caught off guard. I felt utter disbelief combined with overwhelming hurt and embarrassment. The wind caught in my throat. Tears gathered in my eyes, words choked and lost somewhere in my brain. I sat there with my jaw slack and fingers trembling.

If people thought I was doing it for attention and anxiety was just a made up mental illness then there’s something wrong with me. There’s something wrong with me. There’s something wrong with me. There’s something wrong with me. Anxiety is made up. Anxiety isn’t real. Something in my brain just makes me think that’s something wrong with me so I make it up and pretend it’s anxiety. But now my anxiety is a burden on people around me. Now my anxiety is something made up that people around me think that I don’t actually have. People think I’m weird and crazy. Anxiety doesn’t exist, it’s in my head. Something’s wrong with me.

Awesome…

I walked around for a long time after that and just assumed I couldn’t talk to anybody about what was bothering me, because I would assume that they wouldn’t believe me.  My anxiety got worse and worse. Each attack more physiological than the last, and ultimately one particular panic attack landed me in an ER last summer.

Nobody. Wants. To. Live. Like. That.

Nobody wants to live life feeling like they’re trapped in an airtight room with hundreds of people and no one to talk to. Nobody wants to “fake it till they make it” 100% of the time. Nobody wants to pretend that something they have that affects their lives everyday doesn’t actually exist at all. It’s like knowing you have a broken ankle, but walking around all-day and pretending like it doesn’t hurt you at all. You may be limping and in dire pain, but you aren’t going to bother anyone by asking for painkillers or a trip to the doctor to get it checked out. That would be ridiculous.

I write this post to remind you of the importance of mental illness awareness. Educate yourself. Learn as much as you can about something that so many people live with. NAMI reports that One in four adults−approximately 61.5 million Americans−experiences mental illness in a given year. Approximately 20 percent of youth ages 13 to 18 experience severe mental disorders in a given year. For ages 8 to 15, the estimate is 13 percent. Approximately 18.1 percent of American adults−about 42 million people−live with anxiety disorders, such as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), generalized anxiety disorder and phobias. The statistics are overwhelming. You can’t ignore it. So I’m begging you, if you’ve read this far down and I still have your attention will you just please please PLEASE make it a goal in your own life this week to become more understanding of the things you don’t 100% know about?  Everyone makes mistakes. You've probably in your life at some point or another said something to somebody who struggles anxiety or depression, or any invisible illness for that matter, and said something that really hurt their feelings. Ok. But do something about it so it doesn't happen to somebody else again. 

What Olive Garden, Toilets, and Jesus Have in Common

Today I heard a story at church that I absolutely loved!!

It was about a 3 year old little boy who decided that he was hot stuff and could use the bathroom all by himself one day. He went in, locked the door, took care of business, and went to the door to go back to play...but couldn't get the door unlocked. The little boy panicked and began screaming and banging on the door. His mother ran up the stairs and kept asking him if he was ok. She was trying to determine if had fallen and gotten hurt, or if he was just scared. The boy's father had run down the stairs to the garage to get the ladder. He put it on the side of the house, pried open the bathroom window, hopped in, and walked across the room to unlock the door. The little boy immediately stopped crying and ran off to play.

I giggled when I heard my pastor telling the story, but then I remembered a similar thing happened to me. Unfortunately, I was much older than three; which makes my story far more embarrassing. But for the sake of making a point, I decided to share. 

We were at Olive Garden with our family and I went to the restroom while my parents were taking care of the check. Just like the little boy, I took care of business and went to unlock the door but absolutely could not figure it out. To lock the door in this particular stall you had to turn it horizontal rather than vertical, and you had to pull the door towards you instead of pushing it. I'm not sure what happened in my little *cough cough ten cough cough* year old brain, but I lost my mind for a minute. I fidgeted with the lock a few times, I jiggled the handle, and I remember pushing and pulling on the door to no avail. I can totally empathize with the little boy. It was scary. I know it was irrational, but I was terrified. I started pounding on the bathroom stall and yelling for my mom. I was getting claustrophobic, and I was super worried about what would have to happen to get the door open. 

"Would I have to pay for it if it got kicked down? Would people make fun of me for getting stuck in an Olive Garden bathroom? What it they can't get me out for several hours? What if my parents forget I'm in here? What if I have to stay here and they have to shove alfredo noodles through the little crack to keep me alive so I don't starve to death?" Ok, maybe not that last one...but you get the idea.

 Picture this for a minute...

This. This is my 5th grade yearbook picture. Can you imagine this awkward 10 year old girl knocking on the door of a stall at an Olive Garden? Screaming and yelling for help in a moment of panic because for whatever reason she couldn't open the stall door...it's okay. You can laugh. I definitely did.

About a minute into my freaking-out fest, my mother came into the bathroom and talked me down off my ledge of Total Toilet Terror.  About thirty seconds later I calmly opened the door, apologized to the lady who had been in the stall next to  me, washed my hands, and walked to the car. I don't even think we mentioned what had happened to dad or brother. I was probably only in the bathroom for seven or eight minutes total, but it felt like forever.

The purpose of my pastor telling the story of the little boy in his sermon today was to make a point that sometimes God acts like the earthly father in that story. Sometimes He hears us crying out and He runs in to open the door. Other times He climbs into that room with us and tells us to just sit with Him. When one considers my similar situation, I think an additional point can be made.

Let's be real: If you're in a public bathroom and you hear a kid completely losing her wits over being "trapped" in the bathroom stall adjacent to yours; you would definitely judge her a little bit. At the very least, you would go home and call your mother or your BFF and laugh about how silly the girl was. The parents in the story didn't laugh at the little boy or make fun of him. They were relieved that he was no longer upset. My mother in this story has never made fun of me for being stuck in the bathroom either. She gave me a hug when we got home and told me that she would never leave me stuck anywhere. She may have also said something about how I should know that by now. I was about *cough cough ten cough cough* years old after all. She had never left me anywhere, why would she leave me trapped in a toilet stall of all places?

God does the same thing. He takes our irrational fears, but doesn't judge us for them. He allows us space to freak out if we choose to, but He's right there when we cry out to Him. He's there to comfort us after we get upset, and He whispers "Don't you know I'm not ever going to leave you?"

Don't you know I'm not ever going to leave you?

Melissa, I'm not ever going to leave you.

 ___(insert your name here)___, I'm not ever going to leave you.

^That's powerful stuff.

I can honestly say that I haven't been stuck in any other physical bathrooms or bathroom stalls other than that one time in Olive Garden. Thank Goodness. But I've been in some pretty dark places. I've been in places where I was up late night crying and asking God to get me out of situations and circumstances I was going through. I think we all have, and that's ok. Maybe he came in and opened the door, or maybe He just held us for a little while until we calmed down and told us how to open the door on our own. Regardless, He took care of us. It may seem like our circumstances last forever. We may feel like the walls are closing in on us and there's no way we can possibly survive what's going on around us, but He remains our constant during turmoil. 

For that, I am thankful.