Today I made 50 something flashcards and posted a picture of them on my Snapchat story. Why? "To show others how proud I was of my hard work!" Nope!!! Let's be honest- I posted that picture and a caption about how hard I was studying for my PLT Exam because I wanted people to know I was studying on my day off. I wanted people to say "wow! She's go it together." Hurt my feelings a little bit to type that and throw that out there, but if I'm being honest then that's the truth.
This morning I found myself doing the same thing on an Instagram account. I posted this picture of dinner I made for some friends last night. Now, part of me was just genuinely excited I cooked for others without poisoning anyone or burning anything but the other part of me selfishly just wanted to show off. I secretly wanted people to comment "Wow! Delicious!" or "Great job! It tasted great!" anything to affirm my actions.
I struggle with pride. I struggle with seeking approval of other people. I struggle with feeling utterly defeated when I don't receive the words of affirmation that I desperately and very selfishly want. If I don't feel like I'm portraying that I live this very perfect life I become very mean to myself and extremely discouraged.
So here's what I've decided to do about it this afternoon...
I'm deleting all forms of social media from my phone today. No more Snapchat. No more Instagram. (There are a few exceptions of apps that probably count as Social Media, but that I won't get rid of because I use them for work or for church: Pinterest, GroupMe, Youtube, and Remind.) At least for a little while. I'm logging out of Facebook soon and I'm not getting back on for a few weeks. (I'd say I'd entirely quit that too, but I keep up with a lot of family members and friends from out of town. And I would also say that I'm logging out today, but my parents are out of town and not in an area where they can be reached by phone for a few days, so the only way I can keep up with them is through my dad's Facebook posts and pictures.)
I've been really challenged about what to do about this for a while. I really struggle with the un-authentic universe that we create on social media sites and how I allow that to influence me. I've prayed about it, I've wrestled with it, I've justified how I spend my time, and every time I say I "won't do _____" or "I won't spend but _____ many hours a week on social media" I fail miserably. It's an addiction of sorts I guess you could say, and today I've just up and decided I won't support my bad habits any longer.
I read a book recently called A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman found Herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband "Master" by Rachel Held Evans.* In short, the book is about the author's endeavors in going through a year of following rules and laws for women from biblical times as closely as possible. Each month she focused on a different attribute or rule and did everything she could to follow it in today's modern society. She covered her head while she prayed, hosted a Passover Seder, observed Levitical Purity laws during menstruation, rented a "Baby Think It Over," called her husband 'Master', served on an international mission trip to care for orphans, and countless other tasks. I was intrigued by the idea of it and was genuinely just curious about how she accomplished it, so I decided to read it while I was on vacation this summer. In the first chapter of the book, Evans talked about the importance of having a gentle and kind spirit, and the dangers of a "contentious" woman. The following is an excerpt from the book...
"When I told my friends that my goal for October was to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit; a few of them laughed. Not in a mean way, but in a sympathetic, knowing sort of way. This was partly because they knew me, and partly because a lot of us church girls had the "gentle and quiet spirit" thing rubbed in our faces at early ages. It seems the apostle Pauls' first epistle to the Christians of Asia Minor serves as a handy deterrent for Christian girls whose pesky questions in Sunday school or enthusiasm on the kickball field made their mamas worry......In search of some direction, I looked to the book of Proverbs, a collection of wisdom sayings that gives us some of the most colorful quips, cracks, praises, and poetry about women found in Scripture. This preoccupation with the feminine should come as no surprise, considering the fact that King Solomon, the figure to whom the book is often attributed, had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines.
Proverbs's cast of female characters includes the virtuous woman, the foolish woman, the excellent wife, the shaming wife, Lady Wisdom, and Lady Folly. Making multiple appearances is the so-called contentious woman, who seems to have the opposite of a gentle and quiet spirit.
"It is better to live in a dessert land than with a contentious and vexing woman." Prov. 21:19
"A foolish son is destruction to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping." Prov. 19:13
"A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; he who would restrain her restrains the wind and grasps oil with his right hand." Prov. 27:15-16
"It is better live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Prov. 21:9
The contentious woman gave me an idea for kicking some of my less-than-gentle habits. I decided to make a swearing jar of sort. Each time I caught myself in the act of contention, I'd put a penny (or nickel or dime, depending on the severity of the infraction) in the jar. Behaviors that qualified as contention included gossiping, nagging, complaining, exaggerating, and snark. The Bible includes no direct mention of snark, of course, but in a decision I would come to regret, I added this pervasive little vice of mine for good measure..."
I must have read this particular chapter three or four times. It scared me a little bit. Good grief, if I had to put a nickel into a swear jar every time I was jealous, gossiped, nagged, or complained I would be dead broke! This chapter of this book is what initially started my anti-social media plunge. I started paying attention to the things I complained about, noticing the things that made me jealous, realizing just how often I gossiped, and a lot of those things stemmed off of what I was consumed with by social media. I know that sounds silly, but I can't help that it's true.
Here's the bottom line: The bible says for women to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Peter 3:4) I don't think that means that I should only talk when I'm spoken to. I don't think that means I'm not allowed to have opinions on politics or sports. It doesn't mean I'm not allowed to go dancing with friends or sing loudly and VERY off key at a concert or in my car- although some of you would probably appreciate it if it did so you wouldn't be subjected to my lack of rhythm or the bridge in Seasons of Love where the girl hits that REALLLLY high note. This verse isn't in the bible to restrict me. It's there as a command from the Lord I should seek to be following, so that my actions and choices reflect the glory of who He is.
Cussing and flipping off the guy that cut me off in traffic? Not quiet and gentle.
Going off on somebody for being late or for ignoring a text message? Not quiet and gentle.
Bragging about things I've done and accomplished to make myself look good? Not quiet and gentle.
Sarcastically responding to someone who's trying to be genuine? Not quiet and gentle.
Rolling my eyes when someone asks me to do something? Not quiet and gentle.
Arguing just for the sake of arguing or arguing to try to make myself look smart and to belittle somebody else? Not quiet and gentle.
Gossiping about things I see on Facebook pictures or Tweets? Not quiet and gentle.
See what I'm saying? These aren't behaviors that point glory back to God. So why should I want to do them at all? When I do those things, and I am VERY guilty of doing those things, I cause people to question my belief in Christ. I become a catalyst for the question "What makes christians different than non-believers?"
James 1:22 says "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
I've found a stumbling block in my life. I know of something, even if it's a seemingly small something, that's keeping me from following God as closely as I could. I'm not going to go as far as putting pennies into a swear jar every time I mess up, and at the end of the month pay penances in prayer on my rooftop (Prov. 21:9) but I can start by cutting off the thing in my life that's causing me to sin. Matthew 5:30 says "If your right hand causes you to sin, it's better to cut it off and lose one body part than for your whole body to be in hell." This is me cutting off the thing that causes me to stumble, and choosing to do what the Word says rather than just looking at words floating around on a page.
SO, if you need to contact me feel free to shoot me an email at melissa6395@bellsouth.net :) It may be a while before I respond to Facebook messages or DMs. For the sake of being held accountable, and for the sake of allowing family and friends that don't live near me or see me very often, I'll try to post something here every once in a while.
I'm committing to this for one month. On September 1st I'll make sure I post about how my own little experiment went and let you know if this tech-addicted girl could kick the bad habits and negativity in order to further her relationship with Christ. *Gulp!* Here goes nothing!
Screenshot of my phone as proof! :-O
*If anyone is looking for an interesting read, I really do recommend the book. It's challenged me in multiple ways on what it means to be a Christian woman, and Rachel Held Evans is really funny! Here's what the back cover says... "Strong-willed and independent, Rachel Held Evans couldn't sew a button on a blouse before she embarked on a radical life experiment-- a year of biblical womanhood. Intrigued by the traditionalist resurgence that led many of her friends to abandon their careers to assume traditional gender roles in the home, Evans decides to try it for herself, vowing to take all of the Bible;s instructions for women as literally as possible for a year. Evans learns the hard way that her quest for biblical womanhood requires more than a "gentle and quiet spirit" It means growing out her hair, making her own clothes, covering her head, obeying her husband, rising before dawn, abstaining from gossip, remaining silent in church, and even camping out in her front yard during her period. With just the right mixture of humor and insight, compassion and incredulity, A Year of Biblical Womanhood is an exercise in scriptural exploration and spiritual contemplation. What does God truly expect of women, and is there really a prescription for biblical womanhood? Come along with Evans as she looks for answers in the rich heritage of biblical heroines, models of grace, and all-around woman of valor."
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