What Your High School Daughter Needs to Know: An Open Response to What the Articles Will Never Tell Her

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kirsten-corley/2017/04/stay-single-until-you-meet-a-guy-like-this/

The media sucks. I mean it really, totally, completely, one hundred percent just sucks. I read this particular article, and rolled my eyes and closed the tab before I finished the third sentence. I opened the link while scrolling down my Facebook page this evening because I noticed that four or five of my friends had shared the article, so I thought maybe this one would be a good one.







If you read the article...

Do NOT stay single until you meet a guy like this. Did you read that right? It's worth repeating: DO NOT wait around for a guy like that. 

Because he doesn't exist. He's not real. And I'm telling you this because I vividly remember sixteen year old me sitting at the computer and reading a blog post that one of my small group leaders had written telling me the same thing. (Highly recommend you go read it! ASAP! Seriously. Open it up in a new tab real quick and read through it. I'll wait here...you won't miss much. Here's the link again, just in case you need it: link. Go on...)

This perfect boyfriend who lives in the corners of your imagination doesn't actually exist. Jessica put it more eloquently than I'll ever be able to...

"...Guys don't walk around and write love songs for us, they don't hold boom boxes outside our windows. They don't remodel houses in our honor and then say "it was never over," when we return to them. They don't sit beside our bed all night just to make sure we sleep okay. They don't do that. That's. Not. Real."

Hollywood and the media have done an amazing job of giving us the dream guys we're pining for. Edward Cullen was immortal, but he was willing to die to protect Bella Swan...a senior in high school...because he loved her. And Bella was willing to give up everything about her life because she loved the sparkly vampire right back. Edward was like...two hundred years old and his soul mate was his seventeen year old biology partner that he thought smelled really nice. That's not even romantic- that's really creepy. Hollywood makes guys look perfect, that's their job. And more than Hollywood, social media makes guys look perfect too. My newsfeeds on ALL accounts are covered in shared articles and memes about the characteristics of the perfect guy, how to make a guy fall for you, etc. etc. etc. It's EV.ER.Y.WHERE. and our heads are filled with these unrealistic expectations of guys like William Traynor, Augustus Waters, Patrick Verona, Danny Zuko, Noah, and all the ones in between.

I see articles all the time that talk about the type of guy you should be waiting for. Do you know what the common denominator is in almost all of those points in all of those articles?

They're 'YOU' focused. They're so focused on how this guy is supposed to make YOU feel. This guy that we're supposed to be waiting on, according to this article, is supposed to drop everything he's doing 24/7 to be with you and make you're life living perfection just because he walks into it. 

Yeah, psh, ok.

If you're waiting for a guy who will open every door you walk through, who will drop whatever to be wherever you need him, for the guy who always texts back, who is never uncertain of his future or plans, and for a guy you can't live without...you aren't waiting for a guy at all. You're waiting for a fictional man named Clark Kent to walk into the room, rip off his hipster glasses, throw on a cape, and whisk you off to Krypton.

Relationships shouldn't be about what a guy can do for you. Relationships should be about what two people can do for God together. 

If you're waiting on a guy to walk in and make everything perfect, then you don't need a boyfriend. You need Jesus. And I know you probably think that that's THE most christian-y cliche thing a person could say, and on some level I suppose it is, but it's so true. Take it from a girl who wishes she had figured it out years ago: if you're longing for perfection He's the only guy that's ever going to fulfill that for you.

Don't waste time in middle school and high school waiting for this perfect guy who's going to get the high school marching band together to serenade you during your soccer scrimmage, or for a quarterback who's going to run away from his team on the last play of the game, run up into the bleachers, and kiss you just as rain begins to fall ending a summer drought. Don't stay single until you meet a guy that makes you feel like he's the only reason you're living and breathing. Don't make an inflexible twenty seven point checklist that your dream guy has to match up on, and refuse to give any guy who doesn't measure up a chance.

The guys described in the articles? The ones who kiss your forehead and say nice things and make you feel good about yourself? The ones you're proud to bring home, and the ones who treat you with respect? Wait for those, but don't hinge your happiness on their personalities. They're human, but they make mistakes just like you do.

Wait for a guy, but wait for a guy that God has for you.

Wait for the guy who's had time to mature in his faith so that he can be a spiritual leader in your household one day.

Wait for a guy who's had opportunities to find strong Christian men in his life to mentor him and help him become a Godly man.

Wait for the guy that is more in love with Jesus than he is with you, and wait until you're more in love with Jesus than you could ever be with a guy.

Wait for the guy that you've spent years praying for. Pray for his heart, pray for his patience, pray for his strength, pray for his protection, and pray that God shapes him into the man that you'll spend the rest of your life with. And then pray that God prepares your heart for his, and be the kind of girl worth waiting for. Guard your heart. Seek wisdom from the Lord. Chase after God's heart and His word faster and harder than anything you've ever chased after in your life...and when it gets hard, frustrating, and seems completely and utterly hopeless- keep seeking and chasing.

On days when you feel like you're the only Christian in your classes, or the only girl not going to the parties, or the only girl who can't tell the 'my first time' stories...keep seeking and keep chasing.

On days when you feel like you'e the only person who's never done drugs or tried alcohol, or a new fad diet...keep seeking and keep chasing.

On days when you feel utterly alone, completely unlovable, and like no one likes you because of the lifestyle that you live...keep seeking and keep chasing.

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

There is a season for everything, and every activity under the heavens Ecc. 3:1

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar like wings on eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the ones who seek Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3:25-26

Unrealistic expectations will ruin your life. Not just in future or current relationships, but in other aspects of your daily routines as well. When your happiness and well being depends on how well other people are living, you will be disappointed time after time. Because, eventually, everyone falls short, messes up, or just downright fails. And that's ok! Because our expectations should be that Christ's mercy and grace cover all of those imperfections. He covers the unrealistic expectations of yourself too! When you don't have a 4.0 GPA, when you let someone you love down, when you feel like you've let God down, when you feel downright icky and imperfect...Christ covers you too! The gospel doesn't exclude you. The gospel applies to everyone, so don't forget to preach it to yourself sometimes. 

I wish there were less articles like the one I linked at the top, and more that gave you practical Christ-centered advice like the post that Jessica wrote. I wish websites like Project Inspired were more well-known among young women. I wish there were more christian role models for you to look up to, and I wish someone would just sit down with you and tell you the truth about the lies from the media, the hurt from people that you're going to face in life, and the imperfections and failures that you will inevitably face as you get older. I'm sorry that there's not. :( I'm sorry that we're growing up in a world where Christianity is lame, where dating is a practice that defines social status, and where choosing to make steps toward becoming a Proverbs 31 woman instead of the next reality TV star is practically unheard of. I wish someone was brave enough to rewrite the articles and tell you things that you actually need to hear. 

I'll be praying for you my sweet friend. It doesn't matter if you're stepping into the doors of a high school for the first time next week, or getting ready to graduate and take on a new chapter of life tomorrow- it's hard to be a Christian in today's society, and I get it! But it's so worth it. I've tried to find happiness and contentment in about a dozen other things and nothing even BEGINS to compare to the peace and joy I've found in Christ. If you've never experienced that PLEASE talk to me and let me tell you about how much my life has changed because of what a man did on a cross hundreds of years ago. You won't believe it! And as I pray for you, I implore you to pray for God to reveal to you the things that He really desires for you. Because His plan his exceedingly more wonderful and perfect than anything we could ever imagine. 

Above all, remember dear girl that you are loved. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember that the God of the entire universe looked around at all of the things that He made and decided the world needed a you too. ;) Remember that your identity is in Christ and not in the media or what the world says that you need to do or be. And remember that God's mercies are new every morning!

Crushed.

“We pursue God because, and only because, He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to the pursuit." - A.W Tozer

In middle school a friend's older sister would read Seventeen magazine, and let her younger sister have all the celebrity posters that came in the magazine. My friend's room was covered from wall to wall with faces of Dylan and Cole Sprouse, Zac Efron, Nick Jonas, and every other Disney male headliner from 2005-2008. She had an insane crush on Troy Bolton from High School Musical, so Zac Efron was the focal point. She even had a Zac Efron poster on her ceiling so that he would be the last face she saw before she went to sleep every night. She had a crush, and it permeated every. single. aspect of her life. She had Troy Bolton binders, Troy Bolton locker accessories, Troy Bolton T shirts...the list goes on and on. She was obsessed.

When you're crushin' on someone, you become the kind of level three stalker that every FBI agent wishes they could be. You creep on their social media pages, you know where they hang out, you figure out what types of music the person is into, you look for common interests, you try to do everything you can to learn about that person. Then, you do just about anything you can to get that person to notice you. I had a crush on a guy a couple of years ago, and I tried to get him to teach me how to play golf because "I've always wanted to learn how to play." and I started going to basketball games and following basketball on TV because "I've always liked basketball! I just never have time to get into it recently because of school." 

Ya'll. 

My name is Melissa Jennings, and if you know me at ALL (or even just barely) you know for a big fat fact of life that I do not sport. I do not like sports. I do not play sports. I do not follow sports. I do not athlete. God gave me a lot of different talents, but He forgot to add a pinch of hand-eye coordination.

And I went and told this boy that I loved golf and basketball. 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And he actually took me to the range and taught me how to swing a golf bat (yeah yeah yeah, I know it's a club...golf bat makes way more sense though) and I was so excited. I had on a little visor, my favorite tank top, and my favorite pair of shorts on. Definitely feeling pretty good about myself. And I'm swinging and knocking golf balls into the field when I swing really hard (in an attempt to show off I'm sure), hit myself in the head, and then in a stunned stupor I jerk the club down & stab the guy in the gut before dropping the club on his foot. Guess who didn't get invited back to the golf range ever again? 


(me.)

I lied when I said I liked sports, obviously, but it didn't feel like a lie when I told him. I genuinely believed I would learn to love sports if that meant that this guy would like me back. I didn't care what I had to do...I liked him, and I just wanted him to like me back. I don't care if you're a guy or a girl- everyone has a crush story where you did something dumb for someone you liked. Eventually you get so tired of trying that you just give up and move on.






Here's my thought that I've been trying to sort out recently...

I think sometimes Christians crush on Jesus without ever being in a relationship with Him. Or maybe that's just me? Because here's what I've suddenly realized about myself:

I go to church to learn about Jesus. I want to learn as much as I possibly can about Him so that I can do things that He would like for me to do. I was in the church choir. I served on the women's ministry team. I was involved in my college group. I volunteered in youth groups and children's ministry events. I was in the building any time the doors were opened. I wanted to all the good things so Jesus would notice me and like me back. I liked Jesus...I wanted Jesus to like me back. I'd even lie and volunteer for things that I didn't enjoy doing at all, just so I could say "Look Jesus! See me? Notice what I'm doing? Isn't that great?" And I'd say in my head "Now Jesus has to like me even more now..."

But eventually, I just got tired of trying so hard. I got burned out. I got defeated by how discouraged I was in this never-ending cycle of "do more, be more, try more, add more, keep on keeping on..." and I gave up. I lost interest in this idea of a Jesus who would never like me back, and I moved on to other things.

Sound familiar?

Instead of being in a committed relationship with Jesus, I've just been crushing on Him. I've stalked Him, I've admired Him, I've maybe even admitted to liking Him a time or two. I've talked about Him, I've gone and supported lots and lots of His events...but I haven't been in love with Him.

When I realized this, it hit me like a freight train and completely uprooted my life. I started to seek out what it meant for Melissa Jennings to have an authentic relationship with Christ, and I found answers in places I never would have expected. 

But can I just tell you what a difference I've seen in my life over the last few months as I've found myself falling in love with Jesus again?

I spend more time in the bible...like...outside of church settings. Not in preparation for a bible study or anything, but because I genuinely want to hear from God. And because I have suddenly realized that God really is capable of doing that through His word.

I worship when I'm driving around in my car. I don't just have KLOVE or Air1 playing in the background, singing with the catchy choruses of certain songs. I have playlists of songs that move me to tears and I am honored and so excited to have the opportunity to sing words of praise to my Savior as I commute from place to place.

I pray. I am honest with God and tell Him exactly how I feel with no reservations. I tell Him everything now, whereas before I just told Him the stuff I assumed He wanted to hear. 

I am learning so so much, because I am actively searching for a relationship with God instead of just admiring Him from afar.

And don't you just want to smack me on the head and tell me I should have had a V8 or something? This is the ENTIRE point of Christianity, and I somewhere along the line I just...forgot? How ridiculous is that?!








I heard Matt Chandler say recently in a study on Phillipians that nobody stumbles onto Godliness by accident.

If I'm being honest, I didn't understand what that meant at first.

"Of course you can stumble onto Godliness. People flip through the radio stations all the time and stumble onto K-LOVE or AirOne. They hear "just the right song" at "just the right moment." People interact with christians in grocery stores and are encouraged or blessed through those conversations or meetings all the time."

My thought process was that people don't always intentionally do things that impact their spiritual growth. Sometimes God just uses our circumstances, or where we are in a particular season of life, to bless us or bring Him glory. I don't believe in coincidences; I prefer to call those little moments "God-Things" and since we can't plan for "God-Things" we stumble upon them.

Right?

Well...not exactly.

My definition was way off. I thought Godliness meant moments or aspects of life that made you think of God. Sooooo going to church, spending time with christians, going on church trips, or doing your homework for bible study were all parts of being Godly. Don't get me wrong: those aren't bad things! They are good things that can bring God glory, and draw us closer to Him. But if we do these great 'Godly things' with misplaced intentions, then they aren't worth doing at all. Doing good christian-y things isn't what makes us good christians. Godliness is about how we imitate our Heavenly Father and how we implement a Christ-like attitude into our heart.

And that seems so basic, doesn't it? As christians we go to church,we sing songs about Jesus, we paint Jesus on the walls of our children's church hallways, we put the Jesus fish on the back of our car, we go to every Christian movie that hits a theater, we shop at Lifeway, we have NIV ESV MSG AMP and KJV bibles sitting on bookshelves next to our commentaries on Calvinism or the latest book by Keller or Platt. We make it look like we have Jesus everywhere!

But, like I said, doing christian-stuff isn't the thing that makes you a Christian. It's like the illustration that says standing in a garage doesn't make you a car. Staring at the gym from my seat in Starbucks, sitting in running shoes, drinking from my Camelback, and reading articles about optimal running trails doesn't make me a runner. I'm only a runner when I'm training or running. (And, for those who are wondering...I am not a true runner very often.)

A relationship with God isn't something that happens on accident. I don't accidentally become a woman of valor by going through the motions of the good church girl. I don't accidentally get my sins forgiven somewhere along the line of living a moral life. I don't accidentally fall in love with God by not spending any time with Him. A relationship is formed by pursuing Him. By striving to live a life that looks more like the one that He led. When I choose to wholeheartedly go after Him, He will reveal that He has wholeheartedly been going after me since the day I was born...I've just been too stubborn to notice. 

"To count on the fact that we are dead to sin and alive to God is something we must do actively. To do it we must form the habit of continually realizing that we are dead to sin and alive to God." -Jerry Bridges The Pursuit of Holiness

There is so much more to the Christian life than stalking Jesus out on Sundays. We don't have to try to prove ourselves to Him, we don't have to work extra hard to get His attention, we don't have to do extravagant things to hold his affection. He loves us, despite anything we say or do.

May the weight of that truth crush all the other ideas that you've had up to this point in your life and permeate every aspect of the future life that you lead. My dear friend, there is so much more freedom in living a life where you feel unconditionally loved by the loving Father who created you...

This is Real...and sometimes This is Hard

I don't know if you're a fan or not, but This is Us has quickly become one of my favorite TV shows of the school year. If you walked into my house at 11pm on a Tuesday night, it wouldn't be uncommon to walk into the living room and find Angie & Melissa swooning over something Jack told Rebecca; sometimes weeping over whatever the week's newest plot twist happened to be. A majority of America quickly feel in love with the show's characters and story lines, so while you might not personally be a fan I know for sure I'm not alone! ;)

There was an article posted on Desiring God not too long ago that made a reference to the show's increasing popularity. (The post can be accessed here.) The author noted that viewers have bought into the idea that family means everything, so we as viewers celebrate that. We enjoy watching characters on television discover one of the ideals that we hold closely to our hearts.

"The workaholic dad finds meaning in his family. The working mom that barely gets it all done realizes her life is really about her family.The rebellious teen ends up finding healing in his family. It's a typical theme, moral, or virtue that is lifted up as one of many gods of our age. The family is often portrayed as the salvation of mankind. Family is where we find ultimate meaning."

 It's a valid point, and I'm not saying that it being 'family centered' is an invalid reason behind the show's success, but that's not why I liked it so much.

I liked the show because it felt real. The characters were relatable because they were struggling with real issues, and it wasn't just another show about who's sleeping with who, or another family sitcom where everything is resolved in the end of an episode. It was written with some level of authenticity. (Disclaimer: skip the remainder of this paragraph if you haven't seen the show. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS) [Seriously, don't be mad at me for spoilers. You had a solid warning.] Kate struggled with her weight, with accepting love, with being bullied as a kid, with feeling inadequate when she compared herself to her mother, with blame and shame and doubts. Kevin struggled with feeling like he wasn't good enough to amount to anything, with limiting his abilities, with finding value in who he was, with forgiving himself, and with comparing himself to his father. Randall struggled with finding his identity, struggled with forgiving his mother, struggled with taking on too much, struggled with the perfectionist complex, and struggled through the devastation of losing his biological father.  Rebecca felt like a lousy wife and a terrible mother. Jack felt like he would never be able to do enough for his family...I don't need to go on, you get the point. 

(End of spoilers...everything else is safe from here down)

I liked the show because it didn't try to sugarcoat anyone's issues, and they were real issues. Everyone I've ever met that has been willing to talk about it will tell me that loneliness is a real struggle. That perfectionism is a real struggle. That self-doubt and self-pity are struggles. That being in a committed, long-term, relationship is a struggle. That raising a family is a struggle. Every. Single. Person. has a set of struggles, and if you don't you are 1000000% lying to yourself and to others....which might be what you struggle with, so point resolved.

The characters and storylines were written to be fairly transparent, and I've reached a point in life where I believe people are just naturally drawn to transparency.

Think about it: would you rather spend your summer afternoons by a murky pond or the clear blue waters of a tropical beach? To me, everything about the clear water is exponentially appealing. You can look down and see your toes in the wet sand, sinking deeper and deeper with every wave that crashes around your ankles. You can see dozens of fish darting in circles around you playing miniature games of hide and go seek in rolling piles of kelp. When I look at the murky pond covered in algae and scum I get nervous about snakes and other critters lurking in the shadows waiting to strike. The smell of soured mud reaches my nose and I automatically retract and slap a spot on my arm in an attempt to kill the pesky mosquitos looking for a free meal.

Tropical beach: 1
Murky pond: 0

We like to be able to see what we're getting ourselves into. We like being able to know what's going on around us. Transparency feels safe, and we like safe. That's why driving in the rain makes your heart skip a beat, or why driving in the fog is so aggravating. The dark parts of the haunted house are usually the scariest. It might be why the mystery flavor of the cloudy Kool-Aid isn't the most appealing, or why no one says the mystery flavored dum-dums are their favorite. 

And if we don't have any earthly idea as to what something is...forget it.

 

*gags*

*screams internally* 

There is comfort in knowing what's coming, and knowing that you aren't going through something alone. I've been trying to figure this out for months, and haven't been able to pinpoint it until now. 

A while back I wrote a post called My Deepest Confession that was shared more than anything I had written, had more comments than anything I had ever written, and that resulted in more conversations over coffee than anything I had written before too! People I knew were shocked that I struggled as much as I did with self-image. People I knew opened up and told me that they had been struggling with image issues for their entire lives...and some of those people were in their sixties and seventies! I was flattered, but I didn't understand why it was so relatable. Until earlier this week...

I was reading my bible and opened it up to where I had left off in Psalms 141. I got to a point where David wrote the following, and I stopped...

"Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."

I don't care who you are, how tough you are, how big you are, how important you are, or anything else: everyone has felt like no one cared about them. 

People say that and friends say things like Don't be ridiculous! Think about how many people care about you! and they list off dozens of family members and close friends that would do anything for you. Or we say that and find that the world says Psh! Go look at how many people have looked at your snapchat story today, or liked your picture on instagram, or re-tweeted a recent status...

For people to admit to loneliness, in today's society, it doesn't make a lot of rational sense. It's still a very real and very valid emotion. But to admit it? 

That's a weakness.

And people don't like that.

Weakness and the reality of our imperfections make people squirm, because it oftentimes reminds them of their own shortcomings. And confronting things that make us uncomfortable in general is hard, but confronting the those same things about ourselves? Nope. Not cool. Not happening. Not okay.

So we push it down. We hide behind strategically planned smiles, a happy I'm fine!, and small talk about sports or the weather. Even in small groups in the church, when we should be able to open up and be the most vulnerable, we whisper that we have unspoken prayer requests and put on masks and make-up to hide hurt and suffering. I get it! I'm the queen of faking it until I'm making it, so I'm talking more to myself than I am to anyone else. But because I do it, I know that underneath the mascara and lipstick, or behind a smile and a clean dress is a broken person struggling with a lot of different things. I care deeply about how others feel and how I make others feel, so I constantly worry about what they think of me. I get anxious when I'm put into situations where I don't feel in control or completely comfortable. This has been my struggle for as long as I can possibly remember, and while I am leaps and bounds and possibly lightyears ahead of the thirteen year old girl that would cry in the bathroom at school because she felt so anxious, it's still a valid part of who I used to be that contributes to who I am today. And if I'm hiding all of these struggles behind this ideal image of Melissa, it blows my mind to think of who might be hiding underneath the person sitting next to me. It makes me ache for the ones who seem like they have it together the most, because, like I've said before, they're probably the ones who have it together the least.

When I read those words from David, of course I was reminded of times in my life where I've felt the same exact way. But I was SO encouraged because even David, the man known for being after God's own heart, felt that way. I was reminded again of Moses, who was known for being an incredible leader...but who believed that he was inadequate and incapable. I was reminded of Peter, who was known for being a loyal follower of Christ...but who doubted and even betrayed.

I realized that my favorite people in the bible, my favorite stories, my favorite passages where I get the most comfort from are places in scripture where I feel like people are real and direct. My favorite book of the bible is James because I feel like it's so straight forward and to the point. Regardless of how many times I've read it or studied it, I feel like there's always something new that jumps out at me that God uses to teach me. My favorite character in the bible changes a lot, but I usually go back to Paul who says possibly one of the most relatable things any christian on earth has ever heard when he says "I don't know why I do what I do! I know what I want to do, but I don't do it! And the things I know that I shouldn't be doing, I keep on doing, and I hate myself for it!" (MJennings version...not actually quoted) If that's not one of the most transparent things I've ever read, I don't know what is!

Do I make sense? If you've read this far down, sorry (once again) if I've been rambling. Here's what I'm trying to say...

Everyone struggles with the same basic things. We all long to be accepted. We all long to be loved. We all long to feel like we belong. We all struggle with sins in our life: anxiety, gossiping, lying, stealing, doubting, pride, lust, envy, greed, anger, the list goes on and on! And when we're brave enough to talk about our struggles, becoming vulnerable and transparent, we become an encouragement to others who might suddenly realize I'm not alone! 

What a comfort there is in that!

It's hard...and I know that sometimes it's REALLY hard, but it's real. And to me, real is worth it. Because real is where the biggest life changes happen. That' something that has been proven to me over and over and over again! The blog post I mentioned earlier? People still bring it up and it's been months! I wrote it on a lazy Saturday afternoon when I felt like God had placed it on my heart, and He moved SOOOO far beyond my expectations! My closest friendships? The ones that I can call or text at any point in the day, regardless of how long it's been since I've actually talked to them, and honestly ask for prayers or support. My "favorite moments" when teaching middle schoolers or high schoolers? Not the times when we got through as many bible studies as possible, but the regular life conversations we had at dinners or on weekend trips.

When done right, transparency is a very good thing.







I mean, geez-louise. If there were topics that I've just beaten up and beaten to death I feel like change, anxiety, and accepting imperfection have GOT to be the dead horse topics. And you would think that after years and years of going through seasons of struggling where I reach the same conclusion each and every time, I would get it! But I don't. I constantly forget how powerful and mighty our God is...

While I continue to lose sight of His infinite might and valor, I pray that I never lose the willingness to seek Him out upon realizing that I have gone astray. I pray that He continuously allows me to stir my affections for Him, and I pray that God would give me boldness to find new ways to serve Him in my day to day life. I pray that I fight complacency and do not settle for being okay with life in a spiritual rut. I pray that I am continuously reminded of how vital it is to pursue the one whom I was created to love and adore above all else, and if you would like me to then I will pray all of these things for you as well. 

Specifically, if you've read through all of this and you think I'm absolutely psych-o for believing in any of this so called religious mumbo-gumbo...come talk to me. Shoot me a message. Stop me next time you see me. Ask me why, and let me tell you all about this amazing perfect person who is my heavenly Father and my friend. You are loved. By me, but perfectly by God who has created you and is longing for a relationship with you.






"So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit" 
~ Ephesians 2:19-22

"...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."
 ~ Ephesians 4:1-6

"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another." 
~ Ephesians 4:25

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." 
~ Galatians 2:20

Nothing I Hold On To

• Even in moments of peace and assurance where we feel our closest to God, we can still be facing a mountain in our life. 

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• That adversity or trial seems to stretch on before us for miles and miles with no end in sight, and it just gets harder and harder. Our muscles quake from the climb, our feet might have blisters from walking, our arms and legs are covered with blood that has oozed out as we have scraped our hands and knees along the way. The terrain has been tough, and you've considered turning around several times. You started off on this noble quest towards a greatness you thought you were being called to, but now you're so tired that you can barely remember where you're going or why you began this journey to begin with. You hurt. You feel alone. You don't understand. 

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• And yet, our God is still there. He is giving us an unprecedented strength that comes from the Holy Spirit within us that provides a peace with which nothing else can compare. In our weakness we are made stronger. So while it hurts, while it requires sacrifice, while it requires pushing ourselves and challenging ourselves in ways that we never thought possible... we climb these mountains in life with arms outstretched towards the heavens praising God for who He is. We reach out to God so that He can draw nearer to us as we draw closer to Him. Our hands are outstretched because we know without a doubt that He will meet us where we are and help us make it the rest of the way. He will wrap his hand protectively around our own fingers that are dwarfed by His vast presence and He will lead the way. Together we will climb higher and higher until we have reached the top of the mountain.

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• "I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven. I give it all to you God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me. I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There's nothing I hold onto."

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Lopsided Lemons and Lots of Grace

One of the great benefits of a tech-savvy generation is the abundant access that we have to other people's embarrassing stories. Pinterest fails are one of my particular favorites...

I've had my own fair shares of Pinterest fails over the years. I remember once in high school a friend came over and we found a pizza casserole recipe that called for egg noodles and a few other kind of strange ingredients that formed a big, burned, pile of pepperoni mush. Banana facial masks, & egg and avocado hair masks that made my skin and hair greasier than a cookie sheet covered in PAM. I've done paper mache' creatures that look like the extras on The Walking Dead. Out of the dozens upon dozens of Pinterest-inspired things that I've tried I would say that maybe three of them have worked out well.

A few years ago I made Teddy Grahams in a Brownie Bubble Bath...identical, right?

RIP teddys...

This semester I'm taking a class called Planning and Facilitating Infant and Toddler Development and our first project was to create a developmentally appropriate toy that we could incorporate into a lesson plan for infants or toddlers. I've had such a GREAT track record with Pinterest before, so guess where I started looking for ideas first?

Not. My brightest moment.

I found this precious little DIY vegetable garden that I immediately knew I wanted to tackle. "How hard can sewing be???" 

Mind you, I've sewn ONE thing in my entire life. I took a Family and Consumer Science course in 10th grade and we had to make a pair of pajama pants. I spent WEEKS in class on that stupid pair of pants, and I'm pretty sure I made a C- or a D. Below an 75 on a Home Economics project ya'll. Sewing is not my thing at all. 

But, I just knew that I would create these perfect little vegetables and I went around for about a week and told everyone how excited I was to tackle my next project. I wanted to make a good impression on my professor. I wanted to present something that I worked hard on, I wanted to learn a new skill, I wanted to make the best stinking vegetable garden the world has ever seen! Doug and Melissa would be calling me in a few weeks asking if the company could patent my product! (Ok, I didn't think that last part, but I was feeling pretty good about myself before I actually started this thing...)

Expectation: 2-2 1/2 hours of work and my finished product will look like this...

Reality: 6 hours total, seams on the outside, stuffing busting at the edges, a lopsided lemon, potatoes that look like human feces, and some pretty stinking cute little strawberries. I didn't make those though, my mother took pity on my soul and decided to stitch a couple of things together while we watched HGTV. (At least I looked the part...)

Expectations versus Reality.

I'll tell you something that God has been beating into my brain lately is that our expectations of how things are supposed to go but how they actually unfold are two COMPLETELY different things.

Sometimes we expect a certain outcome. When I was a little girl I said I would have a mansion, a husband, a limousine, a chocolate fountain, and a pony named Patricia by the time I was twenty. Sorry to break it to you six year old Melissa but that did not happen and it will most certainly not be happening any time soon. When I started college in 2013 I expected to be teaching in a classroom on my own the summer after my 22nd birthday, but I can tell you now that I've still got an entire year left of school in addition to this semester. I expect my commute to take about 25 minutes and to be full of sunshine and rainbows, but the reality is that I live in Memphis where people drive with their toes or with their heads on backwards. I haven't quite figured out the issue in regards to that epidemic yet...

Oftentimes what we paint as an ideal picture in our head is just a scribble that's a part of the perfect canvas that God has already painted. We expect that our little scribble will be hung proudly in the middle of a French art gallery, but the reality is that our artwork is being hung up by clothespins on a strong in the kiddie section of McDonalds. 

Our inaccurate expectations don't only apply to tangible outcomes, but they apply to our spiritual walks with God as well:

If you can think back to the moment where you accepted Christ as the lord and Savior of your life can you remember how excited you were? Do you remember telling your friends and your family about this amazing decision you just made? Do you remember being on absolute fire for the Lord? I know I can. And I remember talking with older Christians who seemed to have it all together and I remember thinking "Wow. I can't wait until I have a quiet time every day." or "I can't wait until I can pray like he can one day" or "She's so mature/wise...I can't wait to be just like her one day." and I've always been a little jealous on some level of the christians who just have it. And so I think I had these expectations that one day spiritual maturity and wisdom would just fall down from the sky and I would magically be this super christian who never had any problems and just pranced around being able to serve everyone in the world with no reservations because my life would be perfect like the other christians in my life.

Expectation: Perfection! Prosperity! Happiness! Ultra Peace!

Reality: Failures. Anxiety. Depression.  Loneliness. Bitterness. Frustration. Sin nature...Qualities of a normal, healthy, imperfect human being in need of God's Grace. And I need that grace just as much today and tomorrow as I did on that day in 2009 when I asked Christ into my heart. 

It's a lot like the world of Pinterest. We build our expectations around these ideal images, we put all of our expectations of our own product based on the outcome of someone else's, but we lack the basic skills that we need to make our projects successful. (Exhibit A: See lopsided lemon or one of my poo-poo potatoes) And then we get mad when our expectations don't match the reality of what we got ourselves into. 

Also, as christians, I think we expect that God is going to allow us to be comfortable. We think that life is hard enough as it is, so surely He won't do much to challenge us and force us to grow. He won't make us change up our routines. He won't make us do anything that makes us mad so long as we're good. NOPE. Take it from the girl going through boocoodles of changes and discomfort in life right now: God cares about spreading His name and joy on behalf of His heavenly kingdom for His glory and He needs to use us more than He needs us to be comfortable. 

I'll leave off with this thought too...

Aren't you thankful for those pictures of the fails? Aren't you glad that someone told you the snowman cookie cake is going to look like the Star Wars Space Slug unless you do steps XY&Z? Aren't you glad that some silly girl gave you a glimpse into the world of a novice sewer so you know how to plan your next project? (Pro Tip: Just go buy some play food from Toys R Us...DIY is not worth it.) Aren't you glad that you have seen what happens when you shrink Elsa's head down to a softball and give her the body of John Cena?

Ok...maybe not that last one...I kind of wish I could unsee that myself.

Take that into consideration! You can learn from your own mistakes obviously, but when you are open and share those mistakes with other people- think about how much they might be able to learn from you! That means that we have to stop living these perfect, church-y, christian-y lives on the internet and start being real and transparent with people. It's the most unnatural thing in the world to just be open and honest with someone you don't know very well, but it's also one of the most freeing things you can do for yourself. And maybe even for that other person!

Here's to embracing our realities this week! May we be blessed in waiting for God to reveal His perfect plans to us

Along Came Aaron...and Other Thoughts about Exodus

"But Moses pleaded with the Lord, 'O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue tied- and my words get tangled.' then the Lord said to Moses, 'Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say. But Moses again pleaded, 'Lord, please! Send anyone else.' Then the Lord became angry with Moses. 'All right,' He said. 'What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? ... I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do..." Exodus 4:10-15 

If I can relate to anybody right now, it would 100% be Moses. 

God calls him to do something completely out of his comfort zone, and Moses pretty much says "umm are you nuts? You want ME to go and speak in front of Pharaoh and everybody else and tell him to free everybody...have you lost your mind? What kind of bush are you burning here dude? I can't talk to people. I'm not a good speaker. Pick someone else!!!"

This is the Sunday school story. The one we're familiar with. People read about Moses, stop here, and then say "Look! God can use anybody to do anything. Moses was a terrible speaker but God used him anyway and look at what he accomplished! Be fearless! God will provide!"

^true.

But...

There's this whole other half of these verses that I think we overlook.

The Lord got angry with Moses. I mean, I get it. I'd be kind of mad too. God is TALKING to Moses. The God of the whole universe is s-p-e-a-k-i-n-g to Moses through  a  bush and Moses has the audacity to say "uhhh no way. Thanks but no thanks." Seriously?

But then God says "ok. Fine. You really don't believe you can do it? Your brother Aaron can go with you."

And then Moses and Aaron go and speak to Pharaoh together.

Together...

So I started thinking about that, and I realized how that can be applied to my life.

Have you ever heard that phrase "God won't give you anything you can't handle?" Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news...but He will. For sure. Because how else are we supposed to grow? If we were comfortable all the time we wouldn't be challenged and we wouldn't be made stronger. Believe me, I am so feeling that right now. I have been stretched and challenged more in the last month or so than I think I've ever been before, and I'll be completely honest with you- sometimes it's hard. But here's the beauty in it...

God challenged Moses with a task that Moses couldn't handle...on his own.

So, enter Aaron. Aaron was someone Moses knew and trusted. Naturally, I imagine Moses felt more comfortable with Aaron near him. And he maybe then felt like he could do this big crazy thing God was calling him to do.

God put someone in Moses' life to encourage him and help him through this challenge. Moses didn't have to do it alone.

Did you see that? I italicized it and bolded it, but just in case you missed that I'll stick it here too because I think it's really important:

Moses didn't have to do it alone.

We aren't supposed to do stuff alone either. I don't know about you, but when I'm struggling with something I just completely shut down. The way I see it: This is my problem. I might tell you if you ask, but for the most part it's really not something I just want to share with anybody. Sometimes I don't even take the problem to God bc I think I can handle it on my own. But that's not how I'm supposed to do it. We are designed to need that moral support from other people that God places in our lives. That isn't a form of weakness! That's just how we are. And God knows that. He designed us that way. I am so thankful for the Aarons God has placed in my life.  The people who are willing to come alongside me, challenge me, help me discern the will of God in my life and then support me all the way till the end. What an incredible blessing it is to know we do not face anything on our own. We have God on our side, and if He is for us then who can be against us?








I've been reading through Exodus, and I have to say that I've really been challenged by a lot of different aspects of the Israelites' journey. The Israelites were told that they would be given freedom from the Egyptians, but can you imagine being in their position during that time?

Can you imagine watching with excitement as Moses and Aaron walk into Pharaoh's court and with awe and amazement over the staff becoming a snake, and then the sinking feeling in your chest when Pharaoh said no? I think we depict the Israelites with this attitude of "Ohhhhh man. You just wait Mr. Pharaoh. Moses is about to go crazy on you in the name of the Lord..." but I don't think that's the case. 

If I were in that situation, I can imagine how discouraging that would be. I can picture myself standing there, tired, discouraged, exhausted, and lifting my eyes up to the sky and whispering something like "But...God? You said we would be freed." And then perhaps I would hear the still small voice from the Lord that reminded me to wait patiently, but perhaps I would just hear the echoing silence filling the court room. 

I can picture being in the city while the plagues unfolded over the next several days. The Nile being turned into blood, infestations of frogs and gnats and locusts, sick livestock, boils, darkness, and ultimately the death of the Egyptian families' first born. I can imagine a sense of relief that would come with knowing that God was looking out for me, especially during the Passover, but I also feel like there would be a very human twinge of doubt. What if God does all of these things and Pharaoh still will not let us leave? What if He decides we aren't worth all of this trouble?

Then, when the Israelites are finally free to leave Egypt, I can picture myself walking with my brothers and sisters, singing praises, talking excitedly about this new land that we're traveling towards and being suddenly paralyzed with fear when I get word that the Egyptians are on our tail with our death as the ultimate goal. But people around me would push and shove me forward (another example, albeit hypothetical, of God putting people in our life to support us...) until I found the strength to move and allow that adrenaline to do its job. I can picture coming face to face with the sprawling Red Sea in front of us, and what it might be like to look over my shoulder to see the Egyptian army off in the distance closing in on us. 
My heart would race, tears would cloud my vision, and similarly to that court room I can imagine being overcome with discouragement, fear, and that familiar feeling of hopelessness.

But then Moses prays, tells the Israelites not to be afraid, and he places his staff in the water and there's suddenly a place for the Israelites to cross safely. 

Oh, and behind them there's a pillar of fire that's deterring the Egyptian army from smiting all of us with their swords. No big deal. Happens all the time.

Do you really think that the Israelites were completely calm during all of that? No hesitations at all? 

I mean, we assume that. We assume that these amazing men and women of God, His chosen people, stepped boldly out between the two walls of water to cross...but they're humans. They are God's chosen people, but they're still people. And I can't help but to think that if I were there, on the shore, surrounded by water and fire and an old guy with a stick as my leader and protector I would be pretty anxious. But, the Israelites did trust the Lord, and that trust paid off in that they crossed safely and the Egyptian army perished. 

If anything like that were to ever happen today: witnessing plagues, being a part of the Passover, walking through the Red Sea, seeing a cloud of fire, watching my enemies crushed under the weight of the water and being swept away...I can't imagine doubting God's way of provision for me ever again! 

But...they did. A couple of months later the Israelites are hot and tired. They're sick of traveling and they're hungry. Like, Betty White without a Snickers kind of hungry anger that makes humans say very hangry things like 'I wish we had just died in Egypt with Pharaoh. At least then we'd be full.' So, God sent down Manna from the sky to eat and gave them water from a rock. Because, obviously, the other things prior to this moment weren't enough of a sign that He was going to take care of them. But God wasn't upset with them. He loved His children, wanted what was best for them, and provided for them. He didn't ridicule them. He didn't belittle them. He didn't say "Are you guys KIDDING me? All that, and you're going to say you would have rather had it so that I just left you back there making bricks? Oh forget it. You messed up this time. Nope. Bye. You can die here." None of that. He just found another way to exemplify His glory...





I haven't read any further than that, but I'm excited to! The older I get the easier I find it to relate to the stories about the Israelites in the Old Testament. I mean, I guess that's kind of the point, but it's pretty cool to really be able to picture it. I am the Israelites, and if I had to guess I'm sure you feel that way too sometimes. You see examples of time after time where God provides for you & does these amazing things in your life, and then you find yourself doubting his ability to take care of you. Just like the Israelites did. And it wasn't just in Exodus either! The only book of the old testament I've ever read all the way through on my own prior to this year is the book of Judges. And it's one of my absolute favorites because we get to see these narratives of the Israelites go through these cycles of being close to God, rebelling because they thought they could do something better and on their own, pleading with God for forgiveness, God's grace, the Israelites being close to God, rebelling because they thought they could do things better...and so on. 

I remember reading it for the first time in a small group that I was in my sophomore year of college and telling our group leader "These people are idiots. Who makes the same mistake over and over and over again because they aren't smart enough to learn from it the first time? That's so stupid." and no sooner than the words were out of my mouth I had this lightbulb moment that I 100% do the same exact thing, so that makes me just like those 'idiots' that I was talking about.

If you've read all the way through my ramblings so far I'm genuinely impressed. This is probably one of the most long winded things I've written so far, but let me just say this to wrap up this long ended post with...

It's okay to be human. We kind of are, so we indirectly get absolute permission to do human things and feel the emotions that humans feel. Even Christians. And it's my own belief that Christians get so caught up in doing the church-y, christian-y things and get so focused on all the little things, that we lose sight of what we're supposed to be doing. I heard in a sermon recently that sometimes Christians get so caught up in righteousness and our holier than thou attitudes when witnessing to the unsaved that we lose sight of the ultimate goal in striving to lead lives that bring God glory. We make the same mistakes over and over and over again.

My prayer tonight is that my heart is opened more and that God grants me any wisdom I might need to continue to read through the Old Testament; to try to imagine what these people were really like; & then take those stories and find ways that I can apply them to my own life. And may I continue to be absolutely as amazed as I am right now by my Father who is in Heaven now protecting me and providing for me. He is the same God yesterday, today, and forever. He is the same God who was with the Israelites and Moses so many years ago, and He is with me now. How discouraged or excited I feel on any given day doesn't matter because my feelings are fickle and they are fleeting. He is constant and reliable, and that's the only thing I should cling to in this life.