http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html
Here's my soapbox for just a minute. I completely agree with this
article.
"Until you've stared down that level of depression, until you've lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness... you don't get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments and spreading that kind of negativity won't help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others."
Unfortunately, this is only one of two or three posts on the topic of Williams death that hasn't been hurtful to read. With the tragic news of his death, suicide and depression have been topics popping up all over social media. I've seen articles full of malicious, hurtful comments talking about how stupid and weak Williams was.
"Suicide is for lazy people who don't want to put forth the effort to be happy and healthy."
"Suicide is for selfish people who only care about themselves and their own emotions. They don't care about the people around them that they leave behind."
Both of these statements insinuate the ignorant assumption that depression isn't real. Or if it is real, then it isn't life altering enough to produce a fatal result. You can have your own opinion, in fact you're entitled to one. But I highly recommend you do the proper research before forming an opinion on a topic you may not know anything about. It's so ignorant of people to say that they think anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses aren't real. Invisible illnesses also include diabetes, blood pressure problems, lyme disease, fibromyalgia, lupus, and migraines among other things. You can't physically see those on the outside of a person, so do you not believe that those are real either? You can't look at a person and tell if they have asthma until they have an asthma attack. Is asthma nonexistent? Of course it isn't! You can't look at someone and tell if their depressed, unless they are having an especially bad day and you can tell that they seem down.
Take it from someone who has had spells of major depression, and still struggles with it from time to time.. When you're depressed, you get extremely sick and tired of being asked all the time "Are you ok?" "What's wrong?" "Are you sure everything is alright?" On the inside your head you reply
No. I feel numb. I'm exhausted. All I want to do is cry and sleep and sleep and cry. You want to tell the person that your life has no meaning and that you're living in a wait for the day that you can wake up dead. You want to tell the person how scared you are, that you're afraid that you've gone crazy. You want to tell the person that you're heartbroken and you don't know why. You want to tell them the truth.
But you don't. Not because you don't want to, but because it simply takes too much effort for your weary soul. So, you respond with
Nothings,
Nos, and
I'm Fines. Then you learn quickly how to fake happy till people stop asking you. You smile at appropriate times, you laugh when you should, and you go about your life as normally as possible. It's when no one is watching that you come completely undone and cry yourself to sleep every night. It's when no one is watching that you resort to self-harm because that's something that you can at least feel. It's when no one is watching that you write down the ways you could end the suffering.
This topic is a somber, morbid, and sometimes terrifying topic. I agree that it's unpleasant and that no one wants to talk about someone killing themselves, but I also can't help wondering if the world would be different if we were more open to discussing it. Suicide is such a taboo'd topic in our culture. If we were more supportive and sensitive of people with depression, would there be as many suicides in our country? If we told a depressed person that we loved them and wanted to help them through their difficulty, instead of telling them to "get over it." would they be more likely to cling on a little longer?
You never know what's going on in someone's life. Ever. So don't ever say that they have nothing to be depressed about. You don't know. Robin Williams seemed blissfully happy and content to his fans in the audience. We all knew he was an actor on the big screen, but apparently his role never really ended. He went through his whole life acting "normal" by acting happy and content all the time in public eye. We've all tried to pretend to be something we're not at one point or another; it's exhausting. Towards the end of his life I'm sure Williams was just utterly drained from keeping up the performance for his entire life.
In conclusion, I want to reiterate what the post by Katie Hurley explained in her post "Suicide isn't Selfish."
It's selfish to leave children, spouses and other family members behind, so they say. They're not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don't know is that those very loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure.
Be the reason someone hangs on another day. Be encouraging, empathetic, and eleemosynary*! Don't judge people for having feelings that you haven't experienced. Whether it's depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD, PTSD, Psychosis, or any other mental/emotional disorder. Love them, support them, but do not scrutinize them for having feelings that might be beyond their control. Yes, that will take some effort on your end. It's hard to show love to someone who seems unresponsive to everything you do. Your efforts may feel fruitless and you may feel like you're yielding no results. That's ok. Don't give up on them. Someone who is depressed already feels hopeless, so don't give up hope in them. If you decide that supporting them isn't worth your time and energy, then who might I ask is the person that is being lazy and selfish? The one who's fighting everyday to stay alive for the ones they love, or the one who's too busy with their own problems to be burdened with the "silly antics" of a friend or family member in need? Know the signs of someone considering suicide, and educate yourself on what a mental illness is before you make a comment about it.
Links to information on mental illnesses and depression...
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness
http://www.webmd.com/depression/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/faq-20057770
Links to information on suicide and knowing the signs of a suicidal individual....
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2007/10/08/common-signs-of-someone-who-may-be-suicidal/
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm
https://www.afsp.org/preventing-suicide/risk-factors-and-warning-signs
A link to the National Suicide Prevention hotline. Available 24/7/365 for anyone.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
*eleemosynary is a synonym for the word kind, and means charitable. Encouraging and Empathetic started with the letter 'E' and I wanted to continue with that pattern so it would be easy for someone to remember. I typed "kind" into an online thesaurus and eleemosynary is what came up on the list. I have never heard this word before, so I thought that I would put this little footnote here to save you time from typing it into Dictionary.com :)
