I will not be a Helen Parr in 2017

There are two types of people in this world: those who make resolutions and those who do not. Usually I am not one who does, but you're going to have to excuse my cliche' New Year New Me rant this year.

Someone asked me recently how they could pray for me, and I told them I felt discouraged and that I felt like I was facing a lot of spiritual warfare.

Facing spiritual warfare was my go to prayer request for 2016. That's what I said when I was anxious. That's what I said when I was angry. That's what I said when I felt alone. I just blamed it on the devil and didn't make any sort of game plan to beat him at his stupid game of making me feel inadequate and unworthy. If the Superbowl results were released on December 31st, and my reflection on how my 2016 went portrayed my score then the board would have flashed in big letters: SATAN WINS!!! MELISSA LOSES.

Yesterday was January 1st, 2017 and my social media was flooded with resolutions and reflections. People going on and on about all the things they accomplished and all these great things they planned to do. And I sat there with arms folded and a scowl on my face because I have struggled with my 'spiritual warfare' all year long...and I felt just as discouraged by it on December 31st, 2016 as I did on December 31st 2013, '14, and '15.

So I started to do my own version of the cliche' New Years thing...and I started to reflect. And I started to ask myself why. And the more I thought about it, the more angry at myself I got and the more I had write it out so I could process it. Because it's 100% my own fault.

Have you ever seen the Incredibles? There's a scene in that movie where one of the main characters feels sorry for herself and she turns to her friend for sympathy. But her friend doesn't give it to her. Instead, she slaps her upside the head and tells her to pull herself together.

I needed to pull myself together. I need to confront the problem! I need to fight! I must win!

And in order to fight and win, I believe that I have to be honest. Because the more I thought about it, the more I felt drawn to the conclusion that I can not be alone in my struggle. I felt prompted to share it, so maybe if you're dealing with what I've been dealing with we can deal with it together this year instead of crying into toilet paper feeling sorry for ourselves on December 31st, 2017 while someone else who succeeded in their resolutions slaps us on the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper. 

I will not be Helen Parr. So, here goes nothing...

I know myself well enough to shamefully admit that I know I do everything I can do to make other people happy. I am a people pleaser. If you know me at all, then this isn't new information. I've admitted it before, and I've said I'd work on it. This time, I'm getting to the roots of why I think I'm a people pleaser and it's one of the messiest things I've ever written/admitted. I apologize now if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but I'm not sorry for my honesty. If messy and broken freaks you out go ahead and stop reading now. You can go dust off your copy of The Incredibles and grab a bowl of popcorn for a trip down nostalgia road. (That movie came out eleven years ago! It's fabulous though, so even if you continue reading and you aren't avoiding the corner of the internet covered in my messy and broken you should still go watch it later.) Anyway, back to the topic at hand:

When I try to make people happy, one of two things happen:

1. I let myself down.  I disappointed someone. I made someone mad. I upset someone. I didn't do something the way someone wanted me to do it. I fall short and I beat myself up over it. I fail.

2. Someone else lets me down. They fail. They disappoint me. They made me mad. They made me upset. They didn't do it the way I wanted them to do it. They fall short and I get even angrier. They fail.

What's the common denominator?

God isn't a part of either outcome because God isn't a factor in the original problem.

I do everything I can do to make other people happy...

Where do I leave room for Christ in that scenario? I don't. Not until the end anyway.

When my attempts at pleasing other people fail: God, why? Why am I not good enough? Why didn't they think that was great? Why did you make me like this? Why am I not more like that other person? Why are you leaving me high and dry with no where to turn to? What are you doing? Where are you? Why don't you love me? 

When my attempts at pleasing other people succeed: God, aren't you proud of me? Look at what I did! Isn't it marvelous? I'm the best thing since sliced bread or manna from the sky on a Wednesday or something! I did that all on my own, aren't you pleased? Look! I get a gold star now! Actually, that was really  hard. Go ahead, give me two or three! Oh I love you God! You're the best! 

It's a rude awakening to type that out, and while I'm exaggerating slightly that's still brutally spot on.

I am a "good" girl. When people do those super predictable team building activities with me, and they have to write down one word that describes me; I always hear the same self-confidence boosters.

Melissa is nice. Melissa is sweet. Melissa is kind. 

I'm the poster child for being your go-to girl. Need someone reliable? Me! Need someone responsible? Me! Need someone who recycles? Me! Me! Me!

And being that person makes me so so happy! When I hear the words that affirm who I'm trying so hard to be I get a satisfaction that is almost unexplainable. I become obsessed with my 'goodness' and it permeates everything I do. But even being good is very bad when you do it with wrong intentions.

I strive to be good so that I feel good about myself. Which is selfish.

I strive to be good so that I make you feel good about yourself...so you'll like me. Which is selfish.

I strive to be good so that I can talk to God and talk about all the wonderful ways that I glorified Him today and made sure others saw His light through me. Which is selfish.

Selfishness. Pride. Doubt. Bitterness.

I stop and consider my discontentment with my circumstances or find myself unhappy in situations; I can almost always point back to one of those four feelings. And now the truth is out there...

For someone who's supposed to be a Christian being renewed by the Holy Spirit and serving others with humility and grateful heart I sure sound like I relate to other people in the world who aren't christians. I sure sound like everyone else when we scrape off all of that "good" stuff and unveil the truth.

I sound like other people in the world.

I sound worldly.

B-b-but...but...the bible says do not conform to the patterns of this world. And my Sunday School teachers told me all about worldly things: sex. drugs. fame. money. drunkenness. immodest clothing. cuss words. blasphemy. I've thought for years and years and years that worldly things=things that are bad.

I am so so wrong.

Because selfishness, pride, doubt, and bitterness are worldly too. My desire to please others is worldly. My justified worry to plan for my future is worldly. I recently realized that I am caught up in worldly things just as much as a non-believer is, but my worldly things are disguised by smiles and morality. You can't judge my intentions, because usually you don't know them...so I'm safe. My secret is well kept and I can go on floating through my life and routines...all the while fooling most.

Since becoming a Christian I have heard the verse "Do not conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" dozens and dozens of times. It's one of those famous verses that people quote all the time, and after a while repetitive phrases kind of lose their potency. I stopped viewing "worldly things" as things that were not of God and began justifying "worldly things" as things that were not moral. The line between morality and christianity was blurred, and rather than living my life sold out for Christ I have been living my life as one who is sold out for comfort and safety of things that add on to my definition of what a 'good' girl should be.

I've heard Romans 12:2 recently a lot, and each time I heard it I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and tuned it out. I'm a christian. I'm a good person. Jesus loves me. Most people like me. The only thing I need to transform is that number on my jeans from two digits down to one. I'm good.

No I am not. I am not good. I do not have it together. I am not capable of doing anything independently outside of Christ. Period.




So, after a lot of unnecessary soul-searching over an answer that was right under my nose, I made the resolution to fight and win. I will not be defeated because I was having a pity party instead of gearing up with the armor of God. My goal for 2017 is to transform my attitude and my perceptions of the things going on in my life. I don't know what that will look like just yet, but I'm going to figure it out one day at a time by pursuing the wisdom and love of Christ. I will not conform to my patterns of selfishness and pride like I have in the past.

I went to look up what Romans 12:2 said ver batim to place it as the closing remarks for this post, and lo and behold look what the entire verse actually says. (Emphasis added.)

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)

Romans 12:2 "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." (NLT)

Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (ESV)

I can't see what God's g-o-o-d and p-e-r-f-e-c-t will is when I am in the world. THAT'S why I must transform the way I think about the world and the things in it.

Ok Jesus, I'm listening. For real. I get it. Wow.

My 2017 resolution has been set. What's yours?

Response to "12 Reasons Millennials are OVER Church"

If you haven't read this, check it out. "12 Reasons Millennials are OVER Church" by Sam Eaton

I tried to share the article and fit all of my thoughts in a short little status, but there was absolutely no way. This has weighed on my heart for a LONG time, and thankfully someone has finally put it into words far more eloquently than I will ever be able to.

Ok...so here's my two cents. It's probably closer to six or seven cents; you were warned. ;)

There is absolutely nothing more discouraging than listening to other generations within the body of Christ (not just in the church!) trash talk millennials and say that we are lazy, entitled, whiny, liberal, thick-headed, inconsiderate, and uneducated on "important things" that "used to matter." 

So...as a younger believer who is listening to older and more experienced believers, I've learned that I'm supposed to look up to Christians who belittle those around them who think differently than they do? That makes sense. That's what Jesus did, right?

I know that's harsh, and if that offends you I am terribly sorry. But do you have any idea what it feels like to be the millennial in the body of Christ and on a regular basis essentially hear the words

 "Good Golly Gravy, your generation sucks." 

It's offensive. People walk around and talk about how disrespectful and inconsiderate my generation is, but other generations did the exact same things that we do! They just do it in different ways.

I studied a lot at the beginning of the semester on generational gaps as part of one of my Sociology classes. When I first saw the subject I rolled my eyes. Some light reading about how much my generation is the worst one ever. Yippee.

But, I was completely enthralled by the second or third article!  I can't even begin to tell you how excited I was to conclude after several weeks of reading and studying dozens upon dozens of articles and doing some independent research on the subject as well: the mentality of "those darn kids..." or "the expletive youth today..." goes back THOUSANDS of years. 

Check this out if it interests you:

Hesoid, a Greek poet, is reported to have said around 800 BC ""I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint".  While it is not certain who originally actually wrote it, the following  quote is most frequently attributed to Socrates from  around 450 BC, "The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."  Peter the Hermit, a key figure in the first Crusade to the Holy Land wrote, "The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."

'I see no hope for the future of our people if they're dependent on this generation of individuals to run things while we're gone.'

'We were taught to respect our elders. These kids have zero respect for any of us.'

'Kids today are spoiled, rude, disrespectful, and they gossip.'

'Young people are selfish.'

'Young girls have no class.'

^Does any of that sound familiar? People were saying stuff like that back in 800 BC. How crazy is that?!?!!

The same disapproval happened to generation X and Y and the baby boomers too! In the 50s and 60's Elvis Presley changed the world with  Rock n Roll. That 'loud racket' that I'm sure my grandparents' parents couldn't stand the first few times they heard it play. The Beatles. Short skirts, tight tops, long hair, woodstock....all of those things earned the seal of utter disapproval by other generations during that point in history. Now they're things we learn about today as revolutionary and pivotal moments in our country's development. In Eaton's article, point 4 hits it right on the head- Stop Blaming Culture. 

Instead of Elvis and the Beatles we have Kanye West and The Chainsmokers. (In my opinion Generation X and Y got the way better end of the deal in terms of revolutionary music, but that's solely one person's opinion.)

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So let's recap real quick: this generational gap thing isn't new. *insert the praise hand emojis*

Millennials, we can stop feeling sorry for ourselves now. I don't think we're the worst generation ever by any means, but good gracious we're whiny. (Don't believe me? Think that's mean? Go ask your grandpa if he ever got a participation trophy for playing sports...'nuff said.)

Now that all of that's out of the way and we're all on the same page (I don't suck. My generation doesn't suck. Elvis doesn't suck. Other generations didn't suck when they were teens/young adults either. etc. etc. etc.) let's talk about why there's this staggering difference in church attendance among millennials that started this whole conversation.

__________________

Would I personally say that being a millennial in the church is frustrating? Absolutely. But can I just say this- I think being anybody in the church can be frustrating. I don't care who you are. It isn't the building's fault. It's not frustrating because there's a fault or a loophole with Christianity. (The Bible says that God is love. His love for us is perfect and unconditional. If you think it's His fault or that He's the problem come talk to me some time, I'd love to tell you the good news about how that's not true at all.) It's not the pastor's fault. Pastors are people and they aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I can practically guarantee you that at a successful church that is striving to glorify Christ the pastor is not off in the corner rubbing his hand maniacally and twirling his mustache while scheming ways to destroy relationships between people and relationships with individuals and Christ. (If a maniacal man twirling his mustache is in the corner of your church right now and you can see blue prints in front of him titled 'ways to destroy the church' I would mayyyyyybe report that...or start to look for a different church home...just sayin')

So if it isn't the building, the pastor, or God then why is it so frustrating sometimes to be in the church?

 I don't know much, but here's what I think: it's people. Every single one of us is messy. We're all broken. We're all a little judgmental. Every one of us is sinful and we all fall short of the glory of God. We are imperfect. We are inadequate. We fail. We all think we know what's best.

When you stick a bunch of messy, broken, judgmental, imperfect, inadequate failures in a building trying to do life together can you see where the miscommunications could happen? Can you see where the tensions could have opportunities to arise? Can you see where conflict comes up? I can. And I do.

I'll be completely honest here folks, because I think if you're honest you would say the same things about your church: my church is full of messy.

People disagree all the time. People have preferences that get trumped. People's feelings get hurt. People don't always like people and people don't always treat people the way they should. But you know what I love? And can I say that I love it even more now after reading Eaton's article?

Can I say how much I love my church? I do. I absolutely love it. I love doing life with messy people who love the Lord and don't expect me to be perfect. I love being reminded of the gospel and grace and humility when I do have to handle conflicts with others in my church. My church is a family. It's a tad bit dysfunctional on occasion, but that's just the way that families are. My church is my family, and I am so NOT over them. I am a millennial like the ones described in Eaton's article but if most millennials feel like Maria in the Sound of Music then I guess that makes me Ned Flanders. (Great.)

I'm 21 years old. I'm an active participant in the college/young adult ministry at my church, and would say that I actively serve in other ministries in my church as well. I'm the farthest image of Maria staring longingly out the abbey window as you can possibly get. 

So what's the difference between me and the Maria Millennials? Why did I stay put instead of dropping out like so many my age have? Why am I still so enthusiastic about this? Why is this so important to me that I'm up at 3am during finals week trying to find the words to express how much this subject means to me?

I have a couple of theories, and if you've read this far down I'll assume you're curious as to what they are.

I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 14 on a youth trip to the beach on the last night of our stay at this condo called The Islander. I had listened the whole week to my youth pastor talk about how God reveals Himself to people and how He longs for a relationship with people. I didn't exactly grow up in the church, but I went enough to know basic bible stories and who about God was/what He did. I knew the story of Jesus. I understood what people were talking about when people talked about Easter and the resurrection and things like that. But on that particular night, after singing 'Glory to God Forever' by a guy named Steven Fee for the eighteenth time in a row that week, and after being successfully sunburned on every inch of my body I looked at my youth minister and said something along the lines of "I know all these things about God, but I don't know God like you've talked about knowing Him." And that was the day it clicked for me. I knew that Christ died for me. I knew that I was loved unconditionally. I knew the true definition of grace and worship and assurance and salvation. I knew it, and I believed it with all my heart. I still do!

From 2009 to 2016 I've done as much as I can to soak up as much as possible about the Word of God. I don't think I've ever let age stand in my way of anything in my spiritual life. If a bible study sounded interesting- I joined it. I remember doing an Angela Thomas bible study with my mom and a bunch of ladies in our church through the women's ministry in high school and being one of the youngest people in the room. The women talked about the difficulties and trials they faced from the seasons of life they were in- having children, having teenagers, losing a spouse, being laid off, abusive situations, and other things that fifteen or sixteen year old me probably didn't even know how to process. I didn't sit there quietly without participating though. These women around me were discussing their situations, and I opened up about mine too. I talked openly about homework stress and teachers and health problems and friend drama, and while those things pale in comparison to trials of motherhood or going through what it must be like to lose a husband I was never told that my problems were invalid. I was never belittled. I was always supported. I was constantly encouraged.

I was respected, and it made me respect others.

I've also had mentors throughout my entire christian life. I had three core youth leaders throughout my high school career and each of them had a wife that were extremely involved in our youth ministry. There was also a lady in college who had a heart for ministering to middle and high school girls that I really looked up to. When I graduated high school and transitioned from the youth group I not only found a mentor/best friend in a lady named Melissa Shaeffer, but I began to build relationships with other women in my church as well. 

I figured out how much I loved to sing and joined the choir. I made dear friends there.

I discovered that I absolutely love coming up with ideas for events and planning game nights and parties, so someone asked me to serve on our Women's Ministry Panel. I've made a TON of friends through that.

I've made my best effort to attend a prayer service at my church on Tuesday nights off and on throughout college, and I've met and gotten closer to several women in my church that way.

I've gone on retreats. I've done other bible studies like the one I did when I was 15 or 16.  I've fond ways to serve like the people in my life mentored me. One of my closest friends is 16. Another is 34. One of them is more than 70 years young. Age doesn't freak me out. I believe that God puts people in my life for a reason and I'm supposed to learn as much as I can about Him through His word and through people He places around me. Everyone has something to offer. I learn things from each of those people because I pray specifically and often that God places people in my life that will reveal His glory to me, and He usually does! <3

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I don't know why statistics say what they say. I don't know why my generation is the way that it is. I'm sorry we seem kind of pathetic sometimes. I'm sorry we discourage you. I'm sorry you feel like you're talking to a brick wall. The article isn't totally wrong though. That point about mentor-relationships? I think if I had to pin point something specifically in my walk that's been the most influential thing it would be those relationships. The point about talking about controversial issues because no one else is? Also totally valid. Wanting to feel valued, wanting to feel included, desiring to not be talked about in a negative way? All valid.

There are a few points in this article that I'd like to conclude with by saying that I don't necessarily agree with them 100%, but only because I've never encountered them in the church.

I don't feel like no one is listening to me. I've always felt valued and I've always feel like, when approached in a place out of love and good intent, people listen and communicate openly with me.

I also don't think it's fair to say that 'we're sick of talking about mission statements.' I completely see where Eaton is coming from, but I find differences in theology across denominations of churches fascinating. Reformed versus Non-reformed. Pre-destination versus Free Will. Calvinism versus Arminiasm. These aren't negative debates in of themselves, and I think it's extremely important that I educate myself on aspects of theology and doctrine so that i can better prepare myself to share the gospel with others. However, when doctrine or conflicts surrounding doctrine gets in the way of the whole point of the cross then I can totally see where that would be a problem. Not ok.

I've also never dealt with feelings of distrust or misallocations with finances in my church during my time at my church. In fact, one time recently when I did have a question about a money situation our church was going through I asked an elder that I respected and trusted and he very honestly told me and clarified what was going on.

I've never felt as though the public perception of my church was a negative one, and trust me when I say that there's been a lot of adapting in my church family lately to bridge the generational gap and reach millennials so I can't say that I agree that's a problem either.

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Here's the bottom line and the point I'm trying to desperately make...

If you aren't a millennial. If you are Generation X or Y or a Baby Boomer or even Fred Flinstone's first cousin. If you are a christian who has been on this earth longer than the 18-30 year olds in your congregation please please PLEASE don't belittle them. Don't tell them they're stupid or that they're ruining everything. Don't hate on our music or hairstyles or dance moves. Let us just talk to you. Tell us about what you like to do or about what the Lord is teaching you. Invite us to sit by you or take us to coffee one day (Millennials loveeeeeeeeeeee coffee. And if you find one that doesn't like coffee call me. I'll come drink their cup while ya'll chat.) Treat us the way you wanted people to treat you when you were our age. Respect is reciprocal. Trust is earned. Relationships are built.

If you are a millennial in the church, stop giving other people (regardless of their generation) ammo to use against us. Stop walking around like we are entitled. Stop ignoring your elders. Stop only signing up to attend the events with free food and wake your happy tail up one day, get out of your comfort zone, and serve someone else. (I'm talking to myself here as well!) Stop thinking that your preferences matter more than someone else's or that you matter more than the elderly or young children. You don't. Search for new opportunities to grow. Look for people in the church you admire and build a relationship with them. Smile more. Listen better. Respect people around you and treat others the way you want to be treated.

If you aren't in a church (millennial or not!) because you have a bad taste in your mouth from previous experiences start looking for another place again. Start to visit. Seek fellowship. Seek community. Seek other messy broken people to do life with. It's not always easy, but I promise you it's worth it. There's nothing like standing with your brothers and sisters in Christ, worshipping God Almighty, closing your eyes and realizing that the Lord is granting you a small glimpse into what the Kingdom of Heaven will one day be like. There's nothing else on earth that compares to serving with my brothers and sisters in Christ and thinking that we are in some way fulfilling what Christ called us to do so many years ago when He told us to go forth and make disciples or to do for the least of these. There's no feeling like having a brother or sister in Christ pray for you and realizing that they're speaking to Abba Father on behalf of you here on earth, but Jesus Christ is standing at the right hand of the throne of God pleading our case, covering us with His love, looking down on us and telling God "That one. That one is mine." If you aren't in a church, if you aren't fellowshipping or worshipping or praying or serving or doing life with other believers please feel free to join me this week at my church. I'll include the link to our website at the bottom of this post if you'd like more information. Feel free to message me on social media as well if you'd like. If you aren't in a church because you haven't had your moment like I had on that youth retreat where it 'clicked' and you aren't in church because you don't know what it's like to share life with brothers and sister in Christ because you don't have brothers or sisters in Christ please please please feel free to talk to me. If I freak you out, read the gospel of John. Call a pastor at my church. Talk to your friends that you know are born again believers. Go visit their church if you'd like to. Just please don't let previous negative experiences determine the outcome of what the rest of your life could be like. Life is full of so much more than you even realize.

I love you, but Jesus loves you so much more. Thanks for reading this! I know it was a long one.

When You Say You're A Pumpkin....You Better Live Like A Pancake

This past Sunday we had a girls' night for our middle and high school girls at my church. We loaded up some cars, went to a pumpkin patch and picked pumpkins, and went back to the church and ate pancakes for dinner. It was our first girls' night of the school year and I think overall it went really well!

           

For our devotional, I decided to tell the story of the pumpkin parable. It's something I've heard dozens of time for several years around Halloween time, but also a lesson that I feel like is still relevant regardless of how many times you've heard it.

When you go to a pumpkin patch, you pick out a pumpkin. You take it home, wash it off, gently remove the gross stuff on the inside, carve it into what you want it to be, and then put a candle in it to light up when it's dark out. As christians, God does the same thing to us. He takes us in, washes the sins off of us, and begins to remove the things within us that do not glorify Him. When that's complete He begins to carve us into the kind of people He wants us to be and he sends us out into the world to be a light for His name. 

It's a very short lesson and very straight to the point, so I decided to add the following part to accompany our theme:

We made pancakes tonight too! We stacked them up, and smothered them in layers of butter and syrup. Then we covered them in piles of strawberries, bananas, whipped cream, chocolate chips, nutella, and who knows what else! Be aware that sometimes as Christians we can live like pancakes too, and it's not necessarily a good thing. Sometimes we feel flat and like we have the weight of our world on our shoulders, so we add more and more to cover up our insecurities. Our stacks become tall and imbalanced, so we cover them with security in money, popularity, boys, opinions of others, and all sorts of things. God isn't looking for the tallest and prettiest stack of pancakes though, is He? He doesn't need you to be a perfect stack in order to use you to serve others. He can use you even if you're just a regular short stack! I know how easy it is to feel like you have to do more in order to make God happy, but the truth is that you don't. The truth is that when God picks you up out of that pumpkin patch, regardless of whether or not you feel like you're deserving of it, He's willing to do the 'dirty work' in order to make you who He wants you to be. He has a purpose for you! There are a variety of pumpkins in the world! Look around at the variety we picked just this evening! In the bible God used a diverse group of people to accomplish work for His kingdom. We can look at David, Saul, Abraham, and Moses and see imperfections that God used to glorify who He is. God can use us and our imperfections as well, we just have to allow Him to shape us into who He wants us to be and say "Ok God. Whatever you need me to be. I'm willing to do that for you."

It was a bit of a stretch, but it seemed to work. I was really excited about how God used that little lesson to provide some encouragement to a group of girls and to kick off the week on a good foot...and a sugar high. I forgot to mention we made a spontaneous trip to Sheridan's too. Ice-cream and Pancakes for dinner; you can't go wrong.

Today is Thursday, and I'm still thinking about that little devotional...

Within less than 24 hours I was asked to do something extremely out of my comfort zone! I was asked to attend a youth retreat several months from now, and share my testimony with a group of students. I can write until my fingers fall off, and I can get up in front of a group of kids and find three or four different ways to teach the rock cycle or photosynthesis, but I have the worst fear of public speaking.

But Melissa, you talk all the time. You sing solos at church. You're not even that shy.

Yeah yeah yeah. I know that. ("Those who don't know me think I'm quiet. Those who do wish I was.")  I don't know what it is, but any kind of formal situations where I'm asked to talk in front of people makes me want to throw up. My Oral Communications Class that I had to take a few semesters ago is what I thought was seriously going to kill me. For my first speech we had to get up and introduce ourselves to the class. Want me to tell you how that went?

"Hi....ummmm......I'm.....I mean.....Hello, My name is......ummmmm....hang on.....let me start over. Melissa Jennings is my name.....ummmmmm.....that sounds stupid....ok. So I'm Melissa and I am a sophomore in college at the school where we all attend in Memphis."

DISATROUS.

If you had asked me a week ago, or even the day before I shared that devotional with my girls, to speak in front of a group of people I would have laughed and said no way no how!!!!! But those last words resonated in my mind. "God can use us and our imperfections as well, we just have to allow Him to shape us into who He wants us to be and say "Ok God. Whatever you need me to be. I'm willing to do that for you."

Ok God.
Whatever you need me to be.
I'm willing to do that for you.

Ok God. You're giving me an opportunity to glorify you and share the gospel with a lot of people. 

I'm not a good speaker, but I'll do whatever you need me to be.

This isn't my favorite activity but I'm willing to do that for you.

And just like that I said I'd do it, and within moments I felt the panic seeping into my mind and body. Anxious thoughts and doubts were pouring out of me.

What if I don't do it right?
What if they don't like me?
What if I pass out or throw up or something?
What if I can't do it at all?
What if they change their mind?
What if I share too much and I ruin everything?
What if the power goes out while I'm talking and the microphone shocks my lip and I turn into a superhero with fire breathing powers and I'm forced to live a double life of a teacher and a local hero who secretly defends the community at night?

...yeah. Definitely not that last one...

So immediately I start thinking of all the things I can start doing to prepare myself in the upcoming months.

Melissa, if you just lost weight and wore more make up then maybe you won't be so self conscious in front of a group of people.

Melissa, if you just bought more expensive clothes that fit perfectly on you then you'd get a lot of compliments and people wouldn't notice anything about how you look anyway.

Melissa, if you edit your testimony and only leave in the parts that make you sound good then people are going to like you regardless of all your messiness.

And just like that, I became that stack of pancakes. Funny how God works isn't it? It's funny how I put together a quick little devotional this week that I've heard a hundred times and that I thought was kind of goofy, but it's been a huge presence in my life this week. It's funny that I thought I was above needing to be reminded of the gospel. It amazes me when God allows me to see how pieces of His plan are unfolding right before my eyes.





It's still something I'm nervous about, but now I'm more excited for the opportunity than I am anything else. I've been praying about it a lot and I have a confidence that God is going to give me the words to say that are going to bring Him the most glory. I just have to trust Him. This song has been on repeat the last few days, and I hope it provides you with as much encouragement as it's provided me.

Let's Not Cry Over a Spilled Coffee...

Sometimes I feel like a grown up, and sometimes I feel like that same self conscious 13 year old girl sitting in the back of the room with my head in a book praying no one will talk to me. There's a quote that goes around on Facebook from time to time that summarizes this perfectly. I'm sure you've seen it before:

Today I was feeling pretty grown up. (Don't worry, it was a brief feeling...) For a moment, I thought that maybe I was the adultier adult, and it was a nice feeling...

I was in Starbucks doing homework and took the lid off my coffee to let it cool down because it was too hot to drink. I was reading an assignment for school, and reached out for my coffee cup. I brought it to my lips, got ready to take a dainty little sip, and spilled half a cup of coffee all over my brand new shirt that I bought yesterday. Ya'll. 

I forgot I took the lid off of my coffee cup and seriously missed my mouth.

There's coffee everywhere. On the table, on the chair, on my computer trackpad (Praise the Lord it didn't spill on my keyboard!!!!!!!) and of course all over me.

If missing your mouth because you forgot you didn't have a lid on your coffee cup doesn't make you feel like a giant three year old, I don't know what will. 

I didn't get embarrassed though. I didn't sheepishly apologize to a barista or anyone enjoying their coffee and this goofy little show performed by yours truly. I didn't get anxious and leave like I would have in the past. I didn't cry. I didn't text a friend and ask what I ought to do. I cleaned it up, refilled my coffee, and moved on. That seems like the "well duh" response, but in the past any or all of those things would have been my first response. 

My whole life I thought I would reach this magical age where I got my crap together, and stop doing stupid things like spill my coffee or get on the 240 loop going Northbound when I want to go South. I've told myself time and time again that one day it'd be okay because I would figure out how to be a classy, mature, as-close-to-perfect, adult and I'd figure all of life's secrets out. I'll be the adultiest adult ever.

HA.

Let me reevaluate that real quick...

I don't think I'll ever be the adultier adult. I definitely won't be the adultiest adult in any situation. There's always going to be someone who knows more than I do, and all I can do is hope and pray they pass down their wisdom to me. My pastor tells us all the time "The wise man learns from being bit by the snake, but the wiser man learns from watching the other guy get bit." I hope I continuously seek opportunities for people to teach me and show me things they have learned over the years and that I apply those teachings to my own life. But the more I listen, the more I realize being a grown up has nothing to do with not spilling your coffee. It's how you respond when you have to clean it up.

I did one of those goofy Facebook things the other day where you click on a link and it takes you to a website that uses your profile picture to answer a prompt. Who's going to be on your A Team when zombies take over the world? Who will bail you out of jail? What celebrity do you look like? There's no actual reasoning behind the answers, the website just uses who you interacted with the most recently. 

The one I did the other day was "Based on your profile picture how much have you experienced in your life?" The answer is some cliche computer nonsense that can literally be applied to anyone on the face of the earth, but I was taken aback by the side by side picture comparison. (Lol partially because the 2013 picture looks like I'm topless and that made me laugh out loud for real. For the record, it's a one shoulder dress and the sleeve is on the other side.) The girl from 2013 and the girl from 2016 is the same person, but we're also so very different. College has changed me, I would like to say for the better, and for that I am thankful. For my young friends embarking on their new adventures in life and are anxious about what the future holds, my advice to you is to listen. Listen to those "adultier adults" and be thankful for both your own imperfections that you can learn from, and the transparent imperfections of others. It's how you learn. I know it's how I've learned.

I'm going to make many more mistakes in my life. I imagine some of them will be a little more serious than spilling coffee on my new shirt, but I hope that I have a similar response every time. That I own up to my actions and clean up whatever mess I got myself into, and apologize when I need to.

I am not perfect, and I never will be. But I can strive to glorify God in all that I do, put others before myself, and love people to the best of my ability. There's no time to cry over a spilled coffee.

Weakness > Strength

Together we are stronger in our weaknesses than we are apart in our strengths.

I heard this on the radio the other day and it's really been resonating in my heart. Together we are stronger in our weaknesses than we are apart in our strengths. It makes sense, and it may be one of those things that you read and say "oh, isn't that nice." and then you move on. That's all I did at first.

I heard someone say the phrase on KLove, and I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and changed the station. I really hate listening to people I don't know talk in the car. Talk radio physically makes me angry. I can't tell you why, but over the years I've just learned to change the station when someone is talking or when there's a commercial running about how cheap a new truck is or how I can go tanning really cheap somewhere.

Together we are stronger in our weaknesses than we are apart in our strengths....

A few months ago I published a post called "My Deepest Confession." I spent about forty-five minutes putting it together, and it was unlike anything I've ever published before. I posted nearly every selfie of myself that I've taken in the last year, and then briefly told a story of struggling with body image issues.

My story is not uncommon. It's like that of many girls strewn about the world. You look in the mirror, you don't like what you see, you struggle to change those physical qualities, you become discouraged, and then try to take matters into your own hands. Some girls cut, some girls don't eat, some girls eat too much and make themselves sick, and some just binge. I experimented with a little bit of each of those things. This phase of my life was (thankfully) short lived. It's not something I talk about often, and it's not something I like to go into detail about.

I shared a brief glimpse into this part of my life, and was brave enough to share it on another social media platform. I didn't expect much, it only took me about an hour to throw together one afternoon when the particular topic was on my heart. Within 48 hours it had been shared a little less than a dozen times and had over 200 page views. In the big scheme of life I know that isn't very many, but it's more than I've ever had before.  My inbox on Facebook and my text messages were overflowing. I received message after message with people saying things like "Wow. I can't believe you feel that way. I've felt like that my entire life. Thanks for being brave enough to post that." And time after time I just stared in disbelief.

At church the following week I had an older woman in our congregation approach me with tears in her eyes and told me that she understood where I was coming from and how she never wants anyone to feel the way she had felt growing up. She gave me some words of encouragement, hugged me tightly, and walked away. A few hours later another woman approached me and told me that she wished her granddaughters could grasp and understand what I was saying about inner beauty.

That post has come up several times over the last several weeks and each time I end up having profound conversations with those around me. I didn't expect that at ALL.

Together we are stronger in our weaknesses than we are apart in our strengths.






Do you want to know why I think people shared and liked "My Deepest Confession" more than anything I've ever written before? Do you want to know why I think people still come up to me and bring it up in conversation? (Even if you don't...I'm going to tell you anyway so brace yourself...)

People didn't like it because it was well written. People didn't like it because I posted 7392018462394 pictures of myself.

It was one of the most transparent and honest things I've ever written, and I think people liked it because it was real.

And when I realized that, it really tripped me out. I've spent a majority of my life trying to filter that "realness" when I'm around others. Surely people don't want to hear about the unfiltered "real." Right?

Surely people don't want me to admit that I struggle with insecurity and anxiety. People don't want to read a blog post about someone who's struggling or being a regular human being. Nobody wants that.

Seriously folks, I've been racking my brain for weeks trying to figure this one out. Why on earth would such a small post be full of so many emotions? Because I was honest. And the more I thought about that, the more I realized that in my own life, when I look back and consider the moments where people impacted me the most, I was drawn to (and often overwhelmed by) their transparency.

Together we are stronger in our weaknesses than we are apart in our strengths.

On a whim, I opened up and shared a weakness that I have. Not expecting a thing to come of it. But the Lord used that weakness, united a bunch of people, and He used many people to encourage me as well! People opened up to one another, and I think several personal relationships of my own were made stronger.

Together we are stronger in our weaknesses than we are apart in our strengths.

Thank God.

Millenial Women

Recently I was essentially asked the question "What do millennial women need from the church?" and my answer actually surprised myself. 

I racked my brain for days, praying and considering my answer very carefully before I threw anything out onto the table, and here's what I came up with:

What do women my age need from the church?

We're in our early twenties. We're trying to figure out how to work, how to go to school, how to stick to a budget, how to be in a serious relationship, how to buy a car, how to file our taxes for the first time, how to vote, how to apply for student loans, how to pay back student loans, how to pay for textbooks, how to balance friends and study time, how to balance time with God and time in other things. All we do all the time is try to figure out what we're doing next. We're striving to be independent and realizing that sometimes we don't want to 'grow up' quite as much as we thought we did. We change our mind more than we change our clothes. We change majors, we change directions, we change colleges, we change relationships, and we change ALL. THE. TIME. We're busy and we stay busy. There are girls in my Sunday School class who work 2 or 3 jobs throughout the week, go to night school, do volunteer work, take more than 15 hours of classes, are involved with Greek Life or other extracurriculars and are constantly on the go.  

I know the argument is "Millennials complain too much. They don't know busy!!! Wait until they have In laws and grandparents and babies whose schedules they're juggling, or wait until they have real jobs in the real world with real conflicts." Ok. Fine. That's a valid argument. But the counter argument that I always use is that any super mom or super adult who can do all of those things had to learn at some point. Generally, they learned in college just like we are. We're constantly learning. Learning how to be functional, upstanding members of society, learning what our gender role in society is or is not, learning how to be a successful student, learning how to be better daughters or friends, learning how to be a child of God, learning what it means to balance responsibilities, learning information in class, learning from our mistakes, learning from mistakes of others, learning learning learning all the time.

I can't speak on behalf of all women my age, but if I could pick anything that I need from church, then I would say the following is the most important...

I need for women in the church to tell me they're praying for me, and not belittle me when my only prayer request is "school."

When a college student, any college student, says they want you to pray for "school" 98% of the time we don't even want you to pray for our grades!!! 

I want prayers that ask the Lord to grant me patience and love and kindness on dealing with the class full of atheists that I have to go sit in when I have my geology lab on Tuesday mornings. 

I want prayers for words of wisdom on how to respond to my friend who just told me she's pregnant and getting her third abortion. 

I want prayers for self-control and discernment when facing peer pressure. 

I want prayers of faith and reassurance when I look at a bank account with $1.72 in my checking account.

I want prayers on what God's direction in my life is going to be. 

I want prayers on how to deal with shame and doubt. And there are dozens upon dozes of other things that come to mind when someone my age says to pray for "school."

Family conflicts that arise because of school, professors, car issues, dorm mate probs, party dilemmas, facing drugs and alcohol, and I'm sure the list goes on and on.

 "School" or "College" as a prayer request is soooooooooooo much deeper than just our grades, and I don't think people understand it.

That's all I can think of right now, but that's the biggest thing.

Ya'll. Millennials get thrown a ton of shade for being lazy, self absorbed, cognitively-delayed individuals with no respect for others  or spaces around them. We are constantly told that we are uneducated, oblivious, unprofessional, entitled, ungrateful, arrogant people who will "one day ruin what was once a great country." I agree with it! I think my generation is absolutely pathetic at times too, but we aren't the worst thing ever. We aren't stupid. We aren't all hipsters. We don't all smoke recreational drugs or drink excessively at parties. We are not a disgrace.

We are a group of passionate people who can set their mind to anything they wish to accomplish. We are creative and critical thinkers. We are effective communicators. We have high expectations. We are resourceful.

We're just like you were when you were our age: young, excited, & full of life!

So pray for us. Pray with us. Build relationships with us if you want to, and we'll be way more likely to listen to you. Buy us a cup of $2.00 coffee during finals week and we'll love you forever. Love us. Be patient with us. We're still learning just like you were once.

Buying Yogurt is Melissa Moment #382

Ladies and Gentleman I have a story to tell you that I hope not only brings a smile to your face, but also teaches you the importance of being aware of your surroundings. Seriously folks, learn from my mistakes and please please please don't accidentally do this...

I'm still laughing at myself and it's been more than half an hour.

I went to the store to buy some Chobani yogurt. Chobani is usually a little more expensive so I was only planning on buy three or four. I walked past the baskets and straight back to the dairy section of Kroger. 

When I got to the yogurt wall I saw that Chobani was on sale 10/$10. To me that seemed like a great deal, so I decided to go ahead and buy 10 of them.

I thought I could carry ten yogurts without a basket or any help. This was not a good idea. I made it down an aisle about halfway before I dropped five or six of the yogurts. I don't know how, but none of them spilled! They just made a really loud noise, and I thought for sure an employee was about to turn the corner and start to yell at me. 

So I did what any rational person would do at this point- I lined all of my yogurt up on top of the hamburger helpers and set off to get a basket.

As I walked away from my yogurts that were randomly placed on a pantry aisle, I saw a basket sitting in the middle of an aisle a few rows over. The basket was full of things that employees use to restock the shelves, so I knew it didn't belong to anybody but I didn't look to see what was in it. 

Cool, I don't have to walk all the way back up to the front of the store. I'll grab this basket, take my yogurt up front, leave my yogurt with the cashier for a minute, and bring the basket back. Perfect plan!

I was pretty proud of myself for being so resourceful.

I tossed my yogurt at the front part (where you would normally place a kid) and walked through Kroger more worried about an employee stopping me and asking why I dropped so many yogurts more than anything else. I just tried to act as smooth as possible-like I did this all the time.

I get in line and the lady in front of me smiled, looked at my basket, and then gave me a very funny look.

That should have been my red flag, but I didn't think anything of it.

After a few minutes it's my time to check out, so I approach the cashier and say something like "Hi! I'm just buying the yogurt. I had to borrow this cart because I thought I could carry them, but I couldn't. I'll take the cart back in just a second."

The man at the checkout starts to laugh, and replies by saying "Good!! I thought I was going to have a story to tell when I got home tonight."

Ya'll.

For the first time, I look in the basket and I just want to DIE from embarrassment. There are about eighteen boxes of male depends, two or three boxes of 'male contraceptives', and several boxes of marshmallow peeps.

I have no idea why these items are in this cart in the middle of one of the pantry aisles at Kroger. I have no idea how I didn't notice them sitting in the basket. I have no idea what people were thinking as I was obliviously pushing this basket full of odd items to the front of Kroger getting ready to check out. I just don't know. I DO know that from here on out I will be way more aware of my surroundings, and I suggest you do the same if you want Kroger employees to not laugh at you or talk about you in the break room...

P.S - I did take the basket back to where I found it. Where did I find it? The coffee aisle. Because that makes perfect sense, doesn't it?